There is a man that never says hi to me, what to do?

Why must he speak to you and why must you know why he doesn’t? You’ve tried, he hasn’t, so let it go.

Ask him a question or go up to his face and say hi.

Maybe he has a social anxiety?

I know that some days, saying “hello” is damn near painful.

“There’s a man never says hi to me.” Great song title, i’m thinking Dylan or maybe Bowie.
Oh right, back to the question. Err, doesn’t really matter now does it? I mean, no biggie at the end of the day.

Try a few more times without expecting a response. It costs you nothing.
You win either way. If he says “Hi”, fine. If not, you gave him something else to grumble about.
Let it go if it become too painful. Life is too short to suffer fools.

Go up to him and said hi to him

Maybe you should wave to him with the right boob instead of the left? Some people are picky ,you know…
or try not caring ;)

@windex may I please share a story with you when I was in a very similar situation many years ago? I was living in Florida as a young women in my early-20s. Every morning on my way to work, my across the street neighbor would sit in a chair in his front yard in the early morning sun with his shades on sunning his happy self.

Every morning I’d throw up my hand, smile and say good morning. Never, not once did the SOB respond. Well, one day my Mom and Dad were visiting. My Dad is a walker. He came in from his morning walk and was telling me how happy he was that my neighbor was such a nice man.

I said, “You mean that old guy across the street?” and continued to tell my dad what an a-hole the guy had been and refused to speak to me. My dad said, “Well he is really an interesting and very friendly man. He’s blind and probably didn’t know you were waving and talking to him.”

I think I saw a Seinfeld about this…? i can’t remember how they solved the problem though. I’ll get back to ya!

I am bit sly to talk anyone

@bkcunningham Same thing happened with a man that lived down the block from us. He was blind and he waved at every car that went by, just in case he knew them.

@lucillelucillelucille nice visual :¬)

I’m with you. I’ve always been taught to be polite and at least acknowledge that you see someone, especially someone you are passing on the same side of the street or in a hall way or in an elevator. Even if it’s just a nod or a smile. But I tend to say “hello” to all kinds of people. In the case of this fellow, I would try to look him in the eye and ask, “Hi, how are you today, nice weather we’re having, huh?” By asking him an actual question, you will find out if he is really ignoring you (or may be hard of hearing).

I know that a lot of older people have a really difficult time hearing, even if they don’t wear hearing aids. I’ve learned that it is easier to converse with people who have lost some of their hearing if you speak directly to their face (rather than coming from the side or the back where they can’t see you) Then speak a little more clearly, and enunciate a little better. But don’t shout! You will probably be able to tell right away if that is the problem. Most people who have a difficult time hearing will at least acknowledge you with a smile or a nod, even if they didn’t hear what you said.

On the other hand, I used to work with one of the meanest, rudest women in the whole world. I would say good morning to her every day and she never ever said hello or good morning or anything else to me. If she was walking ahead of me and she opened the door, she would let it slam in my face. She was like that with everyone. It hurt my feelings and it hurt my sense of politeness and decorum. It is that kind of people who drag the world down a few pegs on the civility meter.

When you get a bunch of people starting to be lazy by not following (or learning) common courtesy, that’s when society starts to deteriorate. That is why I am always trying to get younger people (on Fluther and real life) to be aware of common courtesy and to realize that older people have been taught a certain set of rules about what it means to be polite (like the way you dress and the way you address people and by the way you speak to people, or if you ignore them while you talk on a cell phone or if you flip off drivers who may have accidentally done something stupid) and if you just decide to do away with all of those courtesies, then you are actively creating a generation gap.

@lucillelucillelucille Maybe one isn’t enough.

barring blindness, he might just be antisocial. good way to test would be to find something to ‘break the ice’ with, maybe you can walk closer to him and say “Hi, I don’t mean to bother you but I was wondering __________” – maybe something you could ask him about his house or something. If he makes a face or just brushes you off, then you know he’s an arsehole. If he is totally unresponsive, assume blindness or mental illness and move on with your life ;)

@chyna it taught me to try harder to not be so quick to judge people. Another story that has stuck with me for life. My dad owned a grocery store and one of my brothers worked for him as a bag boy. Back in the day, my brother would take your groceries out to your vehicle.

One day my brother came back into the store and told my dad what a lazy, good for nothing husband the woman he’d just waited on had. He said that everytime he took her groceries to her truck, her husband sat there and never once offered to help him or her put the loads of bags into the truck bed.

Well, it turns out the husband my brother had grown to hate for being so lazy had lost both his legs in a coalmining accident. That is why he sat in the truck while his wife and my brother put their groceries in the truck.

@bkcunningham You are exactly right. You really never know for sure what anyone’s situation is and that is why I always advocate being calm and polite, even if you think the other person is not being polite. Part of being polite, or living in a decent society, is always trying to do the right thing and attempting (if not always succeeding) in following the rules of decorum.

I’m the same as you @windex. I walked my daughter to school in the town we just moved from and I would always say hello or wave to any neighbor that I passed. Only two people never acknowledged me. One was always busy fussing with her hair or makeup in the rear view mirror, the other was just a nasty woman (the type that would yell at all the kids, mine included). I sucked it up after she was rude to my children and waved anyway, but she brushed me off.

Continue to wave. If it makes you feel good, that’s all that matters. :)

Don’t take it personally. He may not be much of a people person. You don’t have to say he “sucks at life” just because he doesn’t say hi to you. Maybe he just doesn’t want to talk to you or anyone else. You question makes you appear to have a very very very thin skin.

Get some cookies at the grocer (unless of course, you bake cookies) and next time out the door when you see him, walk right up to him and give him the cookies and say something like “cookies always make my day better, may be they will work for you, too” – then a big smile. That should determine whether he is just an a$$, has some social phobia, or is perhaps deaf or mute or both.

I live in So. Cal and it’s not that we’re not nice, it’s just that if I said “hi” to every person I saw, I wouldn’t have time to do anything else. It’s practicality, not rudeness.

Make him a cake and you can give it to him

@Mikewlf337 If this man isn’t deaf or have some other problem that makes him unable to see or hear her, then yes, he does “Suck at Life.” There are social rules that we’ve all decided are useful to live by, to have an actual society, rather than to have anarchy. She is following the rules of decorum and he is either incapable of responding because of a medical problem, or he’s an arse.

Sometimes I’m in a bad mood and don’t want to follow the rules of politeness or decorum either, but I do, because we live in society. If the man isn’t disabled in any way, but hates people, he has a much bigger problem, which makes him suck at life.

@Kardamom The saying “sucks at life” is a saying used by people who don’t want to understand why the person acts a certain way. Maybe because of bad experiences he has had with people in the past he doesn’t want anything to do with anybody. Maybe he doesn’t suck at life. Maybe he thinks society sucks. Maybe he doesn’t like most people and just wants to be left alone. He may have been hurt so many times that he doesn’t want to get close to anyone at all.

I’d say he wants to be left alone. I’d respect that.

Maybe he is deaf?

@Kardamom I think the man has his right to not have to say hi each time the poster goes by him. You talk of “rules of decorum” and how you follow them, yet you want to label a man that you know nothing about by saying he “sucks at life”. Why label him? Why not concede he has his reasons and leave it alone?

@beachbum76 because with that kind of logic, no one should ever follow any rules of decorum.

I can understand if the man can’t see or hear or has some other type of medical problem that is precluding him from even acknowleging her. But the rules of decorum and politeness and etiquette are set up so that everybody does know what to do.

What I mean by “sucks at life” (and I hope what the OP means by it) is that a person who has normal capabilites, chooses not to be pleasant or polite or to acknowlege the existence of other people for reasons we cannot begin to understand. Even if he’s in a bad mood or has constipation or just got chewed out by his boss, that is still not a good enough reason to pay the bad stuff forward.

I often find myself in a bad mood, due to all kinds of different things, but I always realize that it is in everyone’s best interest to still follow the rules of common courtesy anyway. Even if I want to be left alone, I still nod or acknowlege people. Even if I want to flip someone off on the freeway, I try to contain my anger so as not to cause an accident. Even if I think someone is stupid or ignorant that I’ve been introduced to, I don’t let them know that I think that. And if I truly wanted to be left alone, I would not go outside.

@Kardamom Then you are quite the perfect person.

I’m as slow and easy as it gets, refusing to live some ‘fast paced lifestyle,’ (I never saw a speed limit sign I never obeyed) and I rarely say Hi to anyone, especially those I work with. I see them everyday, so it seems to be no need to say Hi and Bye several times a day to the same persons.

@beachbum76 I didn’t say that I was the perfect person. But I strive every day of my life to try to be the perfect person.

@Kardamom I flew on an unexpected flight Saturday. I found my seat on the plane between two people; a woman in the window seat and a man in the aisle. I smiled and said, “Well, here I am.” The woman looked away and the man turned out to be an eager talker and was very, very nice. He even showed me photos of his family, introducing me to his wife and grandchildren a row up across the aisle.

Every ten minutes or so, he’d lean across me and say to the woman at the window, “It’s time to check and see if you are alright.” He’d laugh and she’d never respond. They didn’t know each other. She was looking at a brochure from The Magic Kingdom. After about a half hour or so, I asked her if she’d been to Disney. She nodded, said yes it was nice and turned away again. I didn’t speak to her again except to get her attention when the drinks were brought around.

I just figured she didn’t want to talk. Maybe for some reason or maybe not. I didn’t think any less or her or think she wasn’t being pleasant or polite or showing poor manners. I just figured she didn’t want to talk. Does that make sense?

To me it does, @bkcunningham. In her place I’d have been civil but aloof. I don’t like to chat up strangers on long trips. I’d much rather read, nap, or just be left to my own thoughts.

@bkcunningham But she acknowleged you. The example that the OP is using is that she is acknowleging him, in the most polite manner, and he never acknowleges her existence. The talkative guy on the plane kind of insulted the lady on the plane by saying “It’s time to check and see if you are alright.” repeatedly. Sounds like he was kind of mocking her. Whereas you simply asked her a question about her brochure.

@Kardamom no he wasn’t mocking her. He was just being talkative and trying so hard to be friendly and include her in his fun and conversation. Well, to me anyway he wasn’t being rude. He was really nice. I told my husband the story and he said the guy was a pain in the ass and he’d been pissed if somebody kept talking-period.

But anyway. You are right @Kardamom about the OP example not being the same. The woman did at least acknowledge me. I was so exhausted on my connecting flight I tried to be like the woman on the previous flight and not even look at the young man who sat beside me. I couldn’t do it. I had to smile and ask if he wanted the window or the aisle. We are all different. My husband is more like @Jeruba . Civil but he doesn’t “interview” strangers like I have a habit of doing. lol

I think it’d be forceful to approach this man. He clearly doesn’t want to interact with you – a choice he’s entitled to make.

I find it interesting how people fall into such different ‘camps’ with Qs like this one. The chap in question either has a right or reason to keep himself to himself, or he is in some way bad and anti-social. I’m with the former. Really, it says more about you @windex that you want to insist on communicating in some way with this guy. I know, because I have been in similar circumstances… And have felt rejected too.

Maybe it’s best to leave this mission, cherish the simple, friendly relations you have with other neighbours and get on with your life. Any curiosity about the man is actually rude, your attentions could be construed as some kind of harrassment if you keep it up!

Others have mentioned social anxiety, I would also suggest Asperger’s or similar, it simply might not occur to him to acknowledge you if you have not been formally introduced. Which, by the way, would be the polite and sociable thing to do – if you have a mutual ‘friendly’ neighbour that knows him, could you get that to happen?

Otherwise, he’s simply a sleeping dog. Let him lie!

Maybe he suffers from crippling anxiety, or agoraphobia. I wouldn’t sweat it. Some people just don’t feel comfortable around other people. It doesn’t make them bad, and it doesn’t mean they don’t like you.

I was taught that good manners consist of trying to make or keep people comfortable. You are invading his space and he is not comfortable.

Just because, let it go, let it be, that’s how it is = not good enough for me.

A simple nod, hello, smile = too much to ask?

He certainly has the right to do whatever he wants, and I don’t want to force him to do anything he doesn’t want to. But we usually check our mail at the same time (when I walk back form my car after work) and stand next to each other.

If I just knew why it is, then I’d let it go. If he was molested as a child by someone who looked like me, or that I smell or something. But there is absolutely no reason, no reason at all.

My main issue is manners, even if he had the worst parents on earth, or no parents, saying hello is something every one on earth can manage. Even in cultures where they are extremely conservative and show no emotion, they at least have the decency to nod or say hello.

I think I’m just gonna start talking about the most random things I can think of every day until he responds.

Just continue to be polite , just don’t give him your power . In otherwords don’t dwell on it , let it go and one day you may be surprised and he may speak to you.

@windex Why do you want to make this man more uncomfortable? He has no obligation to speak to you. You have no idea behind this man’s background. I think you are being obnoxious on this point.

@windex It’s his loss, not yours. Maybe check your mail naked next time? ;)

@chyna I can’t believe so many people agree with you. How am I making him uncomfortable?

I think I’m going to take a Polaroid of myself and write “Hello” w/a red sharpie on it and mail it to him.

Not trying to disagree w/you but I’m just looking for a logical explanation, that’s all. #logic

He owes you nothing. Not an explanation, not a word, not a nod or a wink. Nothing. The fact that you want it places no obligation on him. Mind your own manners and don’t try to be in charge of his.

I would be more sympathetic if your tone were friendly rather than insistent, but as it is I would like to go out there and protect him from you.

@Jeruba She is being friendly to the neighbor, @windex is just venting her frustrations here. You are right, he owes her nothing. She’s just curious.

@Jeruba “I would be more sympathetic if your tone were friendly rather than insistent, but as it is I would like to go out there and protect him from you.” Me too.

@jonsblond, perhaps you’re right that there is no hint whatsoever of a demanding attitude coming across to this neighbor; but I bet if it’s there, he can detect it. So could I. She tells us that she believes he “sucks so much.” Is that friendliness? Hardly. She’s labeled him pejoratively because she takes his exercise of free choice as a personal rejection. So she’s demanding satisfaction at this point and getting pretty aggressive about it, at least in her imagination. If it’s a demand, it is neither friendly nor courteous. It’s an unwelcome intrusion. She’s on a website asking “what do do” about a neighbor who doesn’t want to socialize with her! The answer is—“Nothing. Back off.”

@psychocandy, thank you.

Thanks everyone for the input, I’ll let you know how it goes. : D

I’m gonna pack a knife…you know, just in case.

this was sarcasm, please do not call the internet police
btw how come no one ever says things like, wow maybe he’s depressed and was going to kill himself because no one would talk to him, and after saying hello, you saved his life, he flew back to NY to propose to his long lost love while curing cancer on the way…why

@windex Because this isn’t a Lifetime movie, it’s real life.

@windex wouldn’t it be wonderful if life were like that? There’s an old Chicken Soup book story that credited a woman on a bus? with changing some guy’s mind about killing himself that night, because she was kind to him.

Ok—-

Maybe he’s a monk who has taken a vow of silence.
Maybe he’s an ex-mobster who is in the Witness Protection Program and is trying to avoid all contact with neighbors.
Maybe he’s a paranoid schizophrenic struggling to control his homicidal urges.
Maybe he’s trying to win a bet.

@Jeruba or maybe he just doesn’t like her.

@windex Maybe he doesn’t “suck”. Maybe his parents did teach him manners. Maybe he does hear you.

He may have Asperger’s syndrome, or be socially uncomfortable.