How do you politely dispose of a rambling drunk?

Excuse yourself to use the rest room and then climb out the window?

I’m hearing all about Jo from Facts Of Life and how he likes tomboys.

ugh

By having sex with them, they’ll probably fall asleep afterwards and you can slip off without hurting their feelings.

@mammal in a perfect world~

He just called jellyfish crippled octopus.

He’s dissing us.

Try to get them some water to sober them up a bit and have them settle down. If at a bar or nightclub, get the bartender to keep and eye or call a cab for them and then excuse yourself. Try not to panic, they might sense it.

@jonsblond that was pretty funny to be fair.

Are you out somewhere, or is he at your house? Is Jon around? Or is it Jon?

Maybe start talking about periods or something that will gross him out so he’ll want to go away? Or you could start evangelizing – no one likes that!

Does a drunk understand or care about polite?
Are you a social worker?

divorce them (LOL!)

Why worry about being polite. Just say “go away.”

@perspicacious – that’s my kind of thinking. I can’t stand drunks of any kind. I don’t worry about being polite, they won’t remember it anyhow, just get away from them before they puke on you or worse!

Sorry I can’t help you. I was always too drunk to remember what they said to me

Tell him your twin sister who is hotter and single is over at the pub down the street and would love to meet a hot guy like him.

Dispose of?

The think they have laws against that in North America.

I assume you’ve dealt with this already but why be polite? Just say, “I’ve got to go” and go (unless he’s at your house.)

Start talking about your nail polish. In great detail.
Start praying aloud like an evangelical television minister, for divine intercession for the poor guy.
Tell him he looks like WC Fields
Ask him to put his hands flat on the table, palms down. Place two glasses with liquid in them on the back of his hands. Tell him not to move, you’ll be right back. Then walk away.

Don’t try to be polite. Subtlety is lost on drunks.

Ok, it wasn’t my husband. We have a mutual friend staying with us for the weekend to help celebrate my husband’s 40th birthday. Our friend lives an hour away, so there was no taking him back home.

He was being nice, just rambling nonsense after my husband fell asleep. I wanted to stay up, but I didn’t want to converse with a drunk. They things they say! It’s like conversing with a two year old. ;)

Hmm… If I were to have seen this question last night, I would have suggested having a few drinks to learn his language.

Burp on him, works every time.