How do I handle toddler tantrums?

Sounds like she needs more positive attention, like games and communication activities. If she cannot express her feelings through words, screaming and pitching fits is her way of communicating.

Lack of language skills can be frustrating. Sometimes tantrums at night are a way of releasing energy so she can sleep. It has nothing really to do with behavior, yours or hers. Sometimes low lights and soft, classical or piano music can ward off tantrums because it’s soothing.

They don’t call it the “terrible twos” for nothing. She will eventually outgrow it.

Do not react to it. Any attention given to the behavior (i.e., “oh, honey, what’s wrong?”, or “Stop that this instant!”) will only exacerbate it. The best solution is diversion (changing the child’s attention to something else- I will do something just completely crazy, like start babbling and spinning around- hey, you gotta fight crazy with crazy), or like @noelleptc said, put her in time out where she can’t do much damage. You can’t reason with a tantrum.

She’s not strange, she’s 2. They don’t have long attention spans, they talk when they’re ready (they can’t be MADE to talk)... a lot of the things you’re saying just show that you don’t understand child development.

The best thing I ever did with a tantrum is to obviously ignore it. Put her on the floor or whatever in front of you, pick up a magazine, and “read” the magazine. Keep it where you can watch her over the top of it, still see her when you’re looking at the magazine, but show that you’re not going to react to her behavior. That you have better things to do than deal with her tantrum. They end more quickly and more peacefully and if you’re letting her kick and scream it out on the floor where there isn’t anything to run into she might just tantrum herself to much needed sleep. Ignore the behavior.

Let them have their tantrums; just stay close enough to keep them from hurting themselves.

My nephew use to be that way at bed time. I would promise to watch anything on tv with him after he brushed his teeth and had his bath. Then I would turn off all the lights in the living room and pop in his favorite DVD and then let him rest up against me as I gently stroked his hair. The routine would have him out in 10 minutes. He would be solidly asleep and I would carry him to his bed.
I never mentioned bed time. Hope this helps you.

I was in a babysitting class a couple months ago and this is what they said about tantrums:

A tantrum is a child who doesn’t know how to convey their thoughts in a sophisticated way getting so frustrated that they can’t communicate that the little reasoning abilities they have completely go out the window. Reasoning with a child who’s having a tantrum is literally like trying to talk to a wall. Make sure they can’t do damage to their surroundings or themselves and then ride it out. Once the child is calm, do something fun with them.

About six months ago I was being a mother’s helper for a family that had 3 kids and the mom ran a business out of the house. She was really busy and couldn’t focus on both the business and the kids – she needed help. The 5 year old had a tantrum every time I was there. The mother would hear him going nuts and come out of her office and yell at me that I wasn’t doing anything about his tantrum. He would have seriously hurt me if I came close to him, though! So, yeah, it can get hard to just ride it out.

Everyone above has given great advice.

Good luck!

When my youngest grandson does that, I just hold him and rock him until he calms down.

You have written a couple of things that are of concern about this child. The first is her language development. By two years old, she should have more than two words. As you must know since you babysit children, they are not made to talk, they are thrilled to learn to talk, and they do it on their own, after being spoke with and talked to by the adults caring for them. Has she been checked by a doctor about this? Autism is not something that you can diagnose, and it is serious. There may be other things going on, but the child needs to be checked out. The second thing you talk about is that she has several tantrums every night. Each child needs love and attention, but tantrums can happen anyway. The hormones that flood a child’s body during a tantrum are not good for the child, and if she is throwing several tantrums every night, that is too many. It could be something is wrong with her, or it could mean that something is the matter with her circumstances. Does she have tantrums with her mother as well? Does she miss her mother? A tantrum once is awhile may be normal, but this is not. Please talk with the child’s mother and try and figure out what is happening. Perhaps sleeping away from her own bed at night (which is what this sounds like) is difficult for her. How much time is she with her mother during the day? Something is amiss here. From your description, professionals in child development need to be brought in to help out.

I’m not diagnosing her with autism, or with anything. She has also been showing some odd behaviors like walking on her tippy toes everywhere and being ultra sensitive to strange things (textures, sounds, smells) that typically wouldn’t upset other children. She will touch an ordinary thing like a chair or a door and immediately tense up, back away and start screaming.

As for calling her “strange,” I understand that offends some of you but I’m not used to children screaming at inanimate objects like that. I say “strange” and I mean “unusual,” not “unacceptable.”

I didn’t take any classes on child development and I didn’t study into anything. Two friends of mine (one is a nanny and the other is a school teacher/nanny) both told me that she should be saying more than two words, or at least TRYING to say more that two words. I know what I need to know in order to watch her.

I’ve been ignoring her tantrums, I just wanted to know if there were any other techniques that people have tried out. Ignoring them seems to work. I’m watching her for a friend as a favor. She never gets upset when her mother leaves, she goes right about her business, finds her toys and plays. She doesn’t really notice when she’s here or gone, or doesn’t act like she notices. Her mom says she throws fits for her as well, but she only has one every day or so. I’m stricter with her. I don’t sit her in front of a tv for hours on end. I try to engage her and challenge her. Her mom pretty much told me to turn the tv on, give her snacks and she’ll be fine. I’m not okay with that. She can do that at her own house but I’m trying to get her thinking.

She did say her first sentence yesterday, although it was more like she was mimicking what I said. She said “that is a ball” after I said the same thing a couple of times, so I said “ball” instead and she repeated it back to me. Her mom was very surprised. I don’t know if she quite understands what that means, but it’s progress.

And when I say “make,” I obviously don’t mean “force her to talk.” Her mom doesn’t put her in situations where she must talk. Obviously kids should want to learn to talk but when she just gets away with saying “ah,” she doesn’t think she needs to talk. When she wants something, she says “ah” until her mom guesses what she wants. When she wants something with me, I ask her what she wants, point at several things while saying what they are and wait for her to even TRY to copy what I say.

I did bring it up to her mother, but some people have more trouble accepting it than others. I didn’t specifically say “hey, you should get her checked for something because she’s acting kind of funny,” but I did bring up her sensory issues, and basically said something like “yeah, I never let her watch tv here. I’ve been coming up with new activities for her to do, instead of having her watch tv all day. She seems to really like them. You should try this…”

I’m not trying to take over completely but I know it is not good parenting to sit your kid in front of a tv all day while you play Farmville.

The fact that she imitated your sentence about the ball is great. As you know, TV is not good for children, especially under the age of three, regardless of the content of the show. If the mother of this child is your friend, I hope you can figure out a way to talk with her without judgment about helping this child develop optimally. I still think a trip to the pediatrician would be a good idea. If there is something really wrong with this child, early intervention is important.

My thoughts exactly. I know some kids talk later than others but I’m looking at it more as a whole than just the lack of language skills. She does use plenty of hand gestures, and I know quite a bit of sign language so I’m encouraging it and she’s picking up. I’m talking to her mom today when she picks the baby up. Thanks for the advice. :)