How can I get my parents to give me my freedom again?

How old are you and who are you living with at this time? Have you tried talking to your mom about why you were grounded and asking her what you need to do to get your ‘freedom’ back? Perhaps she realized she was way too relaxed before and she is trying to make up for it now that she is clean. You even said that you were doing things you really shouldn’t have been doing, so it sounds like she may be trying to get things back on track with what you should and shouldn’t be doing.

By “all of the sudden they grounded me” do you really mean “I got caught doing something I shouldn’t have and they finally punished me?”

It should be “all of a sudden”, by the way.

It is kinda hard to let your parents look after you after all this time they didn’t give a crap, I get it, but give them the benefit, if they are grounding you for no reason, ask why? Let them know you are responsible because you were apparently fine when they were in their drug induced state. Let them know they just can’t be caring parents just whenever they feel like it. I mean really, you should up the ante in your arguments.

I’m almost sixteen and by “all of the sudden” I mean I was doing all of the chores they asked me to, only going straight to school and then straight home, and they decided I’m a bad kid so I should be grounded until they say I’m not. I’m living with my grandma but my mom is almost always here. I get along with my grandma, and last week she told my mom she’s being too hard on me, even by her standards, and my mom ran into my room and said that if I tell my grandma anything anymore she’ll send me to live with my father who has been abusive an said he wants nothing to do with me.

@Gnomie23 Then what was it that you “shouldn’t have been doing” that you were doing before you suddenly got grounded. Does your grandmother have legal guardianship or custody of you? If so, your mom really has no say and it’s between you and your grandmother. Perhaps the three of you need to sit down and talk about it and your grandmother needs to let your mother know that she sets the rules in her home. If your mother threatens to send you away again, your grandmother could probably pursue legal options for obtaining legal guardianship of you. She probably could now if she really wanted to.

My grandma had legal guardianship for a little while, but cps gave my mom custody again. I was smoking weed, drinking, and smoking cigarettes. My mom let me even when she was sober. She decided that I had to stop doing all of it, as well as hanging out with friends, because a few weeks ago her boyfriend was drunk and ran off with his friends to drink more. He didn’t tell anyone that he was going anywhere or anything, so we were stuck waiting for him in a parking lot until 3am. I cussed at him and he tried to choke me. My mom sat there and watched until I started kicking him off of me and then she finally told him to get off me. So then she was nice to me that night, but the next day she flipped personalities and said I was grounded because he did that to me…

Wow honey, I think this is bigger than just getting back your freedom.

How so?

Sounds like your grandmother needs to pursue legal guardianship again. Next time her boyfriend lays a hand on you, call the cops! I’d probably call anyway to see if you could press charges at this point for him choking you and your mother not doing anything right away.

I also want to say I think there is a lack of respect and responsibility in your household, that’s really too bad.

I’m not a cop caller. I’ve seen worse than what I’ve been through, I just want them to leave me alone. I’m trying to graduate early and get emancipated, but the only way to do that is by getting a job, which my mom won’t let me do.

@Gnomie23 If he did it before to you, he will do it again. He may also do it to your mother. Why are you against calling the cops to protect yourself? It’s obvious that they aren’t going to leave you alone at this point. Ask your grandmother to pursue legal guardianship. If your mother is willing to let her boyfriend do those things to you, she isn’t going to do anything you want her to do, so talking to her isn’t going to help.

This is why we have cops! If someone tries to choke you then you should press charges. What happens if that escalates?

You need to talk to CPS. This is not a safe situation for you.

I’m against calling the cops because the last time they were called on my mom for domestic violence all they did was look around the place, say I was being disrespectful to them because I was crying, and then leave. They don’t really do their jobs. And They could see that my arm was almost broken and everything. Plus, I don’t want to have to go into foster care when I have school going so good where I am.

You have a right to want to be left alone, you need proper guidance, and when you are saying you were smoking weed and your mother was allowing it shows me there is hardly any guidance. Your grandma is trying but your mom threatened you, that part really sucks. Tell your mom to leave you alone. Fight for what you think is right, don’t let her threaten you and stuff, ignore when she talks to you until she’s nice, use your teenage ideas, but don’t disrespect yourself in the process.
This is what I mean.

And the way you get them to leave you alone is by getting CPS involved again, reporting the choking to the police (if for nothing but to have a paper trail to use later), and getting permanent custody transferred to your grandmother.

This is a terrible, awful situation for you! CPS can help you.

@Gnomie23 You are already living with your grandmother. CPS and the state could order your mother to stay away. They don’t need to remove you from her house. If you are absolutely against doing what you need to do to protect yourself with CPS or the cops, then you need to ask your grandmother to pursue legal guardianship/custody. You could also look into the emancipation laws in your state to see if you could legally emancipate yourself from your mother.

I know how to become emancipated, but my mom won’t let me get a job. That’s a requirement. My grandma would help me more but she feels that since she isn’t my mother, she can’t overrule my mom’s decisions. Honestly, I don’t care about the rest, I just want my freedom back. I want my own apartment with a friend, a car, a job, and no parents. If I could just get my mom to leave stop coming to my grandma’s then I could get a job and get emancipated. I know what I need to do for myself, and involving the cops again won’t help. Cps didn’t do anything but place me with my mother again a week later. I don’t trust the cops or cps anymore, they just screw everything up even more.

@Gnomie23 I mean no offense by this, but if you aren’t willing to try the CPS or cops, there is nothing you can do to get your mom to leave you alone. Telling her to leave you alone will most likely have the exact opposite effect.

I know. But I don’t know how cps will help. If my grandma would be willing to try to get custody again then I would be all set. But I’m worried she’ll just do whatever my mom says.

@Gnomie23 Talk to your grandmother and try to work out a plan with her. See if she’ll support you in this. You shouldn’t have to face this alone.

I’m used to being alone in this. That’s why it’s hard for me to try and rely on someone else’s help. I’m usually let down. But I’ll try to find a way…

@Gnomie23 Try talking to your grandmother and if she isn’t willing to go for the guardianship, perhaps you can talk to a school counselor and see if they have any ideas of how to help you. Maybe they can be a go between for you and CPS to get things started.

@Gnomie23 If you have had problems with the social worker at CPS then request to have a new one. If they pooh pooh you then ask to talk to a supervisor and ask to have new one assigned to you.

This is sad but you are going to have to start advocating for yourself. Keep pushing until you get what you need right now.

I asked my grandma and she said she doesn’t know. She’ll think about it. She thinks they’ll send me to my father, but last time they said he was out of the picture for what he did last time I visited him. So I don’t know. School counselors didn’t really do anything either. I guess I just have to wait until my mom leaves and moves in with her boyfriend, and hopefully they won’t try to take me with them. That’s what I’m really worried about. And also why I don’t talk to people in person about this stuff anymore. My parents always find out and it just gets me in more trouble.

@Gnomie23 but what happens if your mother does take you back with her? If she is your legal guardian then she legally can.

How long will she be staying with your grandmother? You could use that time to try to line up some help for yourself if your mother is letting you out of her sight.

How honest are you being with the school counsellors? They need to know the gravity of what you are going through. In my district they are bound by law to help when a student is being abused which you clearly are.

If you lived by me I would take you myself. But I can’t. I can only encourage you to take these steps for yourself.

I tell the counsellors what the answers to what they ask, but I don’t add details or anything. It kind of makes me angry when they pry. It’s like they’re trying to see how screwed up I am on a scale from 1 to 10. The only thing they really helped with was getting me out of class without my parents knowing when I was sick.

I honestly don’t know how long she’ll be here. She’s been showing up more often and unexpectedly, so there’s no telling. She’s gone tonight, which is why I’m trying to find a solution without her knowledge asap.

@Gnomie23 With what you have going on in your life people are going to have to pry. It is not going to feel easy or nice but you need to be honest with them. You have a shot of turning your life around if you let people help.

Wishing for your mother to leave you alone is a crap shoot. It may happen but it may not. The fact that she hasn’t left you alone thus far is a good predictor that she won’t in the future.

Talk to your counsellors at school. Give them the opportunity to help you.

@Gnomie23 You need to be honest with the counselors about what’s all going on and give them all the details you can. Yes they are trying to pry, but it’s not to see how screwed up you are, it so they can figure out what they need to do to help you out of a bad situation. The more information you give them, the more they can do for you.

The only problem with that is that the counselors got me in more trouble all the other times, and when cps came to my house my mom put on a great show. She actually left the garage, took a shower, and waited for them to show up. They closed the case after that. Then I begged my grandma to pick me up while my mom locked herself in the garage and passed out with her oc.

@Gnomie23 I understand it’s a tough situation, but it’s one you have to keep fighting if you want to get away from your abusive mother. Report everything. Every time she retaliates against you, report it. Write everything down, call the cops or CPS when things happen. Make it so that they can’t ignore you. I understand it’s frustrating, but you are in a position where you have to do what’s best for you. Just hoping and wishing your mom would disappear isn’t going to make it happen. I wish there was more I could recommend for you, but unfortunately, you have to work with what you have. Like @tranquilsea said, if the people you are working with aren’t listening, ask for their supervisors. Go as high up as you need to go to get things taken care of.

@Gnomie23 Did you get in more trouble with what you told the counsellors because your mom took it out on you when they went to her to talk to her? If so, then do as @Seaofclouds has recommended and keep a journal. Don’t keep this journal at home keep it at school. Write down everything with a time and date. Keep talking to the counsellors as stuff comes up, keep journaling as stuff comes up. Eventually, you are going to have so much information that CPS will have to help you.

May I ask what age are you ?

@Odysseus : The OP is almost 16.

@Gnomie23 : The best and most comprehensive advice you have been given here is from @tranquilsea and @Seaofclouds . These are two very wise people and instead of resisting them, you should embrace the advice. I understand that drawing into yourself has been your best protective device so far, but you need to take action and CPS can help. They avoid whenever possible putting kids into foster care when a family member is available like your grandmother.
Good luck!