@snowberry How is he doing now?
Saying he has to do it himself reminds me of something that I think is a difference between the learning styles of boys and girls. That is that boys tend to be more experimental. They need their hands on things and need to see how they work for themselves. My son, for example, is constantly taking things apart to see how they work.
Girls seem to have an easier time learning from someone else’s say-so—whether it be a teacher’s say-so or from reading something in a book. Boys have a harder time being still in class because they need to get their hands on things. Books are more likely to bore them. Girls can sit still for longer and focus better on the teacher, on average.
Your son was wise, I think, in understanding the best way for him to learn. Schools in poorer areas tend to be worse schools, with larger class sizes and fewer resources. In these situations, teachers have much less ability to be flexible and teach to students needs. They become authoritarian and focus too much on discipline and not enough on teaching. Maybe they have no choice.
If you’re a boy being told to shut up and sit down all the time, and if you get a rep as a slacker or even a trouble-maker, you’re pretty much screwed. Unless you get a very special teacher, people will treat you based on your reputation. The boy in the story probably needed more freedom to experiment, as your son asked of you.
My daughter is in public school for the first time in her life and it is a complete culture shock for her. I don’t think she’s ever had to learn from a text book before. It’s always been primary sources in the past. She’s never been graded before. She’s never been in a competitive situation before. She’s never had to take a test a day before. She’s never been bored before. She’s never been around kids who aren’t as smart as she is before. And this is at the best high school in a city of two million people.
I met her teachers the other day, and it sounds like they try, and they do have what I consider to be decent educational philosphies, but…. the older ones seem a bit tired and not so enthusiastic. And textbooks in history or science… well, at best it’s rather uncreative, although I guess they have to do it in order to have some semblance of a standardized curriculum (which I think is a bad idea).
She is doing fine (one of 32 students in a class of 550 with straight A’s), and she seems to be motivated to continue to do well (she wants to get into a good college), but I worry that this system will beat her down—and she’s a good student. I don’t want her to do it to do it. I want her to be excited about it.
To me, that’s what education is about: exciting kids about something so they can learn. If our best schools are taking the fun out of it, imagine what is happening in the worst schools! I don’t know how any kid can do will in situations like that.
At some point, a kid can take over responsibility for their own learning, and that probably happens anywhere between seventh grade and twelfth grade. But the school also bears great responsibility for the way kids turn out. Parents also share great responsibility. Depending on the age of the kid, I think that parents and schools bear the majority of the responsibility for how much the kid learns.
Parents know this, I think, and they do all they can, but what happens when “all they can” is not enough? Is it the kid’s fault? Is it the school’s fault? I assign some responsibility to the kid, but mostly, I think it’s the schools. I’m not saying to blame the schools, but I do think the schools and parents should form a good partnership, and the schools should help the parents help the kid. Schools should know things about education that parents don’t know. Schools have a duty to pass on this information to parents.