Tips for making sure my underwear is clean when I die?

They won’t be. Your body relaxes when you die. Your bodily functions let go.

Why don’t you just get a tattoo of some tightie whities?
Or tightie brownies?? XD

Freeball til you die.

If you leave your clean underwear at home and never wear any, they’ll be certain to be clean when you die, because they’ll be sitting cleanly in your underwear drawer.

These are all great suggestions. Keep ‘em coming.

wear oops I Crapped my pants

Don’t worry, no matter what your undies look like, the EMS responders and coroner have seen worse. You could try wearing only dark and/or “print” undies if you really care. And change them every day.

Don’t get scared and leave marks in them? LOL! Seriously, I have no idea because it’s not as though we can plan when we die to make sure there’s no skid marks in them beforehand,

You may want a “death” friend. This is the person you have throw out your porn/sex toys so your family won’t see them. You will most likely have to pay the friend extra to make certain your undies are clean.

Not a bad idea, @SpatzieLover. Gives new meaning to the expression, “He’s got my back”.

@SpatzieLover That’s great, but that would have to be one incredibly awesome friend! those can be hard to come by

Keep a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser in your underwear or a Tide To Go Instant Stain Remover shoved umm er well, Mr. Clean Magic Pants may be my next new invention thanks to this thread.

Enema.

Edit: For some morbid reason I was thinking of suicide, in which case you’d be able to prepare beforehand. I don’t think you’d otherwise want to give yourself an enema every day in case you happen to die.

@absalom It depends on how paranoid you are, I suppose.

@FutureMemory – One can never be too paranoid. (Or can one?)

Wear black underwear.

@bob_ or brown

@talljasperman or green (bile) so sorry

@bob_ Why black? Nothing black has ever come out of my body.

@FutureMemory um, it will depending on how you die

@talljasperman It would not look as dirty, but then you probably would be better off following @talljasperman‘s advice.

Have an enema, put on crisp, clean panties and then kill yourself.

I’d like to make it very clear that I intend to die a natural death. Hopefully with clean undies.

Um, yeah, my last comment was directed at @FutureMemory, by the way.