What's your best advice to cope with the loss of a loved one?

Any number of things can stir up an old loss (e.g., his birthday, your birthday, father’s day, the anniversary of his death, etc.) sometimes without you even being aware. I don’t think you need to be stronger, I think you need a chance to actually mourn. Most hospitals have bereavement groups (usually of a time-limited nature) to kind of “kick-start” the process. I think doing grief work with someone (a group or a one-on-one counselor) can be of great benefit to helping you avoid doing some of the work over and over and never really getting through the process.

Leave everyone else and their stuff out of the equation (it is too easy to get distracted) and keep the focus on YOUR loss. My Dad died of cancer when I was 18 and there was all sorts of messiness from other family members and I kept confusing it all because I was also connected to them as well. I think the biggest thing I had to learn was that it was OK to be mad at my Dad for essentially abandoning me to the situation in which I found myself. It can be really hard to be mad at a dead person, particularly if they were the glue or source of strength, but it can really help to own whatever feelings you have about the loss of the deceased. Time limited therapy on a specific issue (loss of a parent) can really have a beneficial impact.

When you lose your parents, you move up the ladder to adulthood in a way that you’re usually not prepared for. It sounds like the way his death affected your mother left you emotionally without either parent; your mom became a dependent, and you in essence became the adult in the situation. I agree that a bereavement group is the right place to start. Journaling about your dad and how he held it all together might be helpful too.

Unfortunately, as you have found out, grief can be put off, but not denied. It sounds like u were too busy to mourn and now it is happening.

The truth is the only way is through. You need to spend time mourning your father’s loss.

Perhaps a grief support group would help. They have them in communities. Look online in your area.

You guys are right. So much negative energy was sent my way during the time I felt like defending myself causing a delay in mourning.

My father was never had even a funeral cause my mom was so broken.

Talk to people about your father. Tell funny stories, or inpirational moments. You will be surprised how much better you will feel.
When I do this, I feel like I got a short visit with my dad.

@Deja_vu Filmfan had some good advice. Doesn’t sound like you ever got a chance to grieve for yourself and now you’re trying to deal with it. Take care of yourself for a little while and just find out what others miss in your dad. I’m thinking others outside of the immediate family. It’s okay to miss them.

It is vital that you grieve for the loss of your father, for your own sake. It doesn’t matter it has been several years, just let it out, and cry if you must and don’t feel ashamed that you feel this way.
Then when you have cried buckets, try to then think of all the good times you had together, all the happy memories. Then you may be able to move on and begin to cherish those happy times.
I lost my dad many years ago, but I still miss him – even to this day,

I am sorry to hear of your loss and your continued struggle.
While I have not lost a parent, I have recently lost several people that were very close.
Grieving is such a personal and difficult process, but so vital to perform. You will always have points that create these emotions. It is what you do when they hit that is critical.
Always try to touch the feelings no matter how hard. Even if you can’t fully work through them, touching the pain in bits and pieces is much better than denial or not facing them.
Ask yourself “What would your Father do to help you through this” Although it seems odd, reaching out to him even though he is who you are grieving about can help. Especially if he was the rock of the family.
Talk to him. He is listening and in some way, he will respond back. It could be in a dream or in something so pronounced in coincidence that you know and feel he is watching out for you.
Certainly cry and help your emotions come out.
Always celebrate him and all he means to you.

Talking with someone can totally help. I also agree with @blueiiznh, I also miss our talks :)

I can relate to you. My mom raised my brother and I by herself. shes a very strong woman. My grandparents helped through the years. Two years ago, my grandpa died and it was devastating for my whole family. Like your dad in your family, my grandpa was the glue to mine. Needless to say, he was amazing. I started to drink and sank into this deep rut where I was failing out of high school, losing this great scholarship and pushing away my family. I found different escapes and my life got really hard. I had lost the person I looked up to the most and I felt completely lost and I felt alone.
What you need to know is that you are not alone. Your mom and brother are just as broken as you are I’m sure. You guys need each other to get through it. I agree with the person who said that you were probably too busy at first for it to be on your mind. Maybe you can find a hobby or start up another business. The most important thing is be with your family. I now have realized that myself.
Yes, you should focus on how your dealing with things, but also, you are not the only one going through this. You have your family who are grieving just the same.
When I lost my grandpa, the best thing I could do was talk about him and the fond memories I had. I am truly sorry for your loss.
Just dont forget that you are not alone. .

@Kayak8 sums up exactly what I was about to post. We all mourn differently and you don’t have to be strong but you do need to give yourself permission to grieve. I also agree with the suggestion to see a grief counsellor. I lost my father more than 25 years ago, but I still miss him and I still have days when I feel his loss acutely. It’s okay to feel this way. Speak to someone who can help you negotiate the grief process.

It’s been a year since I lost my precious family member. I have very hard days still. I’m assured that things get better with time. I’m retired and the big problem for me is that I have a hard time getting things done. I had never been that way before. Again, I’m assured that I will be more like me again with time, but never completely the old me because my world has changed. Yours has too.

Following this question. We just lost Mom a few months ago (right before the holidays), and I’m still trying to find my footing… Right now I’m too busy dealing with finances and legal BS (along with a new medical diagnosis) to even think about mourning.

@peridot I can relate. Lost my dad and my hubby 8 months apart from each other. I have somewhat dealt with the financial bs and I am now onto also dealing with medical diagnosis. I have been mourning the entire time though now I’m at the part where I’m just missing and missing a heck of alot it actually hurts. Im mentally and physically drained. Life is different and I want it back so bad it hurts. I also get anxiety attacks about forgetting my loved ones, what they smelled like, felt like, all those things. I am also a little angry I’ve still got 40 more years or so to go through this until I can be reunited, I used to worry about being away for small hours now I have to wait decades, it better be all it’s cracked up to be sigh on the other hand unfortunately I wouldn’t advise any one to really use my way of coping, my advice is probably not all that great

Hi, Here is a great article addressing this very topic. I hope you find it helpful.
http://www.adorablegiftbaskets.com/losing-loved-ones.html