If God were writing about any given event what would be the hallmarks of His style?

Large font, embossed.

Small and tight; variations in the letters; loopy, without much lift from the paper.

With all the time in the world, His writing would be colorful, detailed, intent. Everything would have an individual ending and a sense of overall continuity.

He would use the details, however tiny, to build up the overall picture.

He’d write in third person.

Reading it one would feel a genuine and removed style of passionate.

God the Father wouldn’t write a book, He would use a Holy Ghost writer!! Ha, ha.

Oops! Does that give away my Catholic upbringing?

I imagine it would be in the grueling ‘2nd Person’ style.

Of course it would probably read like stereo instructions. Bonus points if you name that movie.

As soon as God wrote a single word he would be diminished and so he keeps shtoom.

He’s tried various media in the past, with mixed results.

Stone tablets—impressive, but too breakable

Handwriting on the wall—Very impressive, but not portable.

Assorted ephemeral media (tortillas, grilled cheese, wall stains)—Good for short-term press exposure, but not archival quality.

I’d like to think He’d embrace new technologies. Not YouTube, probably (can you imagine the comments?); not Twitter (God is anything but concise, to judge from His previous work); not Wikipedia (people would insert “citation needed” all over the place). But He could set up His own website and hack Google to put it in the top 10 hits for all searches.

Style-wise, I imagine that it would be one of those sites that plays an audio file (chorus of angels?) as soon as it loads. There’d be a Flash “pearly gates” graphic with an “Enter Here” button to take you to the main page. One of those pop-ups that hides the content would make you agree to a long list of TOS fine print, that nobody would read. From there, you could go to a “Contact God” page (one of those email forms; absolutely nothing would happen when you click “send”), an “Upcoming Events” page, and a “What’s Happening Now” page, which is where you’d find the event narrative you’re looking for.

It would be a bulleted list, mostly along the lines of “At 12:45 EST, I made such-and-such happen. Then I looked at it and it was good”

In King-Jamesian of course!

Actually, for me, it goes one of two ways. I imagine that if there was a God, he/she/it/etc. would speak in poetry, or completely and ridiculously humorously.

For instance, if God wanted to talk to you in your sleep, He (“He” for the sake of expediency, and because I’m a member of the evil male hegemony club) would say something like this:

Rend the thin veil of dreaming from your eyes, my child, and listen! At this moment, you are an eager ear, and I am the Phonograph of Time, and I will play songs for you that you must learn… songs you will be asked to repeat in endless time, so that you may truly hear.

Or alternatively, he cold talk like this:

Lol, dildos

I think he’d use the Royal We. And he’d say things like ”Lol, dildos”.

@Seelix, wanna join my religion?

YES.

Groovy.

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard: Good point! The Qur’an is considered the word of God, and poetry perfected. Islam would agree with your poetry statement.

I guess it makes sense why I have a certain affinity for Sufism then.

I offer, as an example of God’s writing, an excerpt from my book: Winged Thoughts

Exodus 33:2, 3, 9–11 & 21–23 I will send an angel before thee; for I will not go up in the midst of thee; lest I consume thee in the way. as Moses entered into the tabernacle, the cloudy pillar descended, and stood at the door of the tabernacle, and the Lord talked with Moses. And all the people saw the cloudy pillar stand at the tabernacle door: and all the people rose up and worshipped, every man in his tent door. And the Lord spake unto Moses face to face, as a man speaketh unto his friend. And the Lord said, Behold, there is a place by me, and thou shalt stand upon a rock: And it shall come to pass, while my glory passeth by, that I will put thee in a cleft of the rock, and will cover thee with my hand while I pass by: And I will take away mine hand, and thou shalt see my back parts: but my face shall not be seen.

This account needs much scrutiny. We must look at everything. First, the passing by of an invisible God is the passing by of the angel of the Lord. God tells Moses that is what it will be, and he tells him why. Secondly, it speaks of God’s self awareness. Why do I say that? God does not tell Moses, “I am over here by a rock”, he says, “there is a place by me”. A man would have used the first expression, and that would stem from his corporeal sense of self. Such self awareness is based on exclusion: it is a me vs. everything else world view. The expression used by God does not suggest a world view. It does not suggest an awareness that is based on exclusion, but on inclusion. Such a verse gives us valuable insight into the thinking of a spiritual being.

@starsofeight – Did God write the song ‘Stand By Me’ then? A person would have called it ‘Stand Over Here, Next to Me”, according to your analysis.

It’s just nonsense to conclude that a person couldn’t write “there is a place by me”. Anyway I thought God was timeless and everywhere, surely “I was, am and always will be here” captures that best. I hope the conclusion of your book is that God shows himself/herself/itself up as vain, insecure, a bit stupid and quite possibly completely mad as a hatter.

@markferg

In response to your response, I can be no less judgmental than you: you seem a bit dim of wit.

But since you conclude that my conclusion is nonsense, could it be that your desire is to bring God down to your level?

That is what your conclusion seems to suggest: “I hope the conclusion of your book is that God shows himself/herself/itself up as vain, insecure, a bit stupid and quite possibly completely mad as a hatter.”

@starsofeight – Ah, but I was being critical of, in my opinion, a fictional character. Unless you are of the opinion that I am also fictional, you have indulged in an ad hominem attack on me personally. I’m sure you could have been less judgmental, you just chose not to be so. Your argument follows -“I am dim, therefore my opinions are worthless”. I said that your conclusion is nonsense, I made no judgement on you as a person. You have not answered the point I raised, you just made a personal attack. I will not do so, as I am a lovely person.

As I think that god is fictional I can no more desire to bring god ‘down to my level’ than I would, say, Wile E Coyote.

@markferg You have a lovely argument – in your own thinking. Fact is, to call my conclusion nonsense is a personal attack, because the basis of such a statement is that I am a person who indulges nonsensical notions (as opposed to the fact, which you were not aware of, that my comment comes from years of learning, both in religious studies and in studies of human nature).

If you feel that my ‘return fire’ was unwarranted, do this: go to this link, read it carefully, and post it in a response to me, adding, of course, where you succeeded and where you failed.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Respect

So, I spanked you for your insolence, and now you seek to justify your words. To do so, go to the following link, read the synonyms and antonyms for the word insolence, then post to me where your response to my post stands in light of each word.

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/insolence

I invite anyone reading this to also inspect your response in light of the information found in these two links.

@starsofeight – Your responses indicate to me that you are not a person deserving of my respect, nor any more of my time.