The Right Guy?

Since you don’t have any information on your profile, I’m curious about your age, even a ballpark figure would be helpful.

@deezerqueue: im a teenager..thats all you got to know..im an average asian california girl

I feel you find the right guy by understanding what qualities are important to you & then date proactively. For instance, it is important to me to be with non-drinkers, smokers, drug users, etc so I won’t date anyone that engages in these behaviors. Also, a sense of humor & nice manners is an absolute must. It takes time to understand yourself well enough to make that list.

I’ll never forget something my grandmother told me when I asked a similar question. She said, “There is no such thing as a perfect person but there is a perfect person for you. ”

Good luck!!!

Either take it slow and find mr right or enjoy life and experience a little while your still young. You have to experience relationships to know when mr right is there along the way you find lust, heartbreak, etc. Only your heart will know when its mr right at that moment in time.

how do i know that a guys not just using me? or like to play me or whatever?

Read How to Succeed with Men by Louis and Copeland. It will help you tell good guys from bad guys and set you up to meet a guy who’ll is right for you.

@kevbo:
really? where can i find that book at? does it really help?

you know of a guy isn’t just playing you by taking risks. If you feel like you’re being played, and dont want to risk it then move on. Usually you find mr. Right when you least expect it… When you’re out with your friends having a good time, enjoying life, etc. You learn from experiences… Your still a teen, so you have a lot to learn then.

you know *if (stupid iphone won’t let me scroll up to edit..

I totally agree with you LunaFemme. I think knowing what you want is a much harder challenge than the actual pursuit. Your S.O. can’t be what defines you, so you have to know who you are and what you want first before going out and looking for it.

@jz1220:
whats S.O?

significant other

oh thank you

I Agee with the above answers. You are young, pretty, and intelligent. You should not saddle yourself with the burden of finding Mr. Right. You should take relationships seriously, but also as a learning tool. You will learn what kind of person you want to be with as well as what kind of person you are. You have so much ahead of you, don’t worry so much about settling down. You probably really want someone for companionship and to share your life with now. Somebody who will tell you how sweet and beautiful and wonderful you are, and who will share all of your happiness and sadness. You may find him tomorrow or it may take 20 years. Don’t rush it. You will find him when you are ready for him. Until then, enjoy your youth, love, laugh, learn, and grow.

hhaha Stevenb worded his answer wayyy better Than mine.

don’t be so anxious to have a full blown relationship, you have to be friends first, then be trustworthy, be able to be yourself and not worry about every little thing you do, and most important never do anything that makes you uncomfortable because if they push you they don’t care about you a friend will always be there and never make you feel bad about yourself but you would compliment each other. Communication is key in any friendship or relationshp.

i have..and like i dont know…hook ups and relationships..im confused what guys wants from me..some guys ive been to are like kind of some normal talks and some hook up talks..like some ill end up liking..so like i dont know and not sure..if they feel the same for me..its hella confusing

When you meet him, you’ll know – of course, prepare to think you’ve met him up to several times before you actually do…..
“A girl’s gotta kiss a lot of frogs to find her prince”

@missbabyboo, please pardon me if this sounds offensive, I don’t mean for it to be at all. But your most recent comment makes it seem like you’re desperate to hook up with somebody. Of course, if that’s the case, I don’t blame you seeing as how there is pressure coming from all sources to do that nowadays, just for the sake of hooking up and saying you’ve done it. And the fact that you said “i’m confused what guys wants from me” really scares me. Why so focused on what guys want from you? What about what you want from them? At your age, knowing what you want is hard enough. Knowing the difference between love/like/crush/lust is even harder. Take a step back, stop obsessing over these guys. I can guarantee you that they’re probably not stressing out about this as much as you are. And that’s all you need to hear to know that you’re worth more than quickie hook ups with them.

just don’t let the wrong guys screw mr rights chances. It is hard to know being as young as you are but you’ll have to really experience different things to know what you want. Hook ups can be experience but don’t look at it being long term.

It really sucks that recently it has bern hook ups with no strings attached no more of that chilvalry women deserve.

Its not good to just hook up if you think you like someone don’t let them push and pressure you into anything. Those guys are defintely not mr right material.

LOL you all making it more complicated than it has to be

mr right us someone whom you are comfortable with. Someone who make you feel like you can be yourself and not what everyone expects you to be. You are bound to make mistakes along the way to finding mr right but that part of the self discovery.

i am so confused and lost right now from this convo..lol

LOL I would too if I listened and follow all the advice. Let’s start basic. What do you like to do in your free time (assuming ur asian parents don’t have ur nose buried In a book)

Stand between to males and don’t look left.

*two

Geez, i’m tired.

Haha, good one delirium. I’m tired too, it took me a while to get it.

@jz1220:
on my free time i like to kick it with friends..im not a regular asian..im sort of a rebel in my family..im never home. i chill with my friends alot

Well, please dot take offense, but if you are rebelling, and hooking up, PLEASE use protection. The pill is not a guaranty you won’t get preggers, and you dont want an STD. If a guy wants to hook up with you right away, and won’t wait, he is NOT Mr. Right. The right guy will wait, wanting to get to know you better BEFORE hooking up. Passion is unpredictable, but you will learn the diff between that and lust and love. Give it time, and try not to hook up too often. A lot of Mr. Rights will walk away from someone who had hooked up with too many people. Experience is good, slutty is bad. Keep guys wanting more, dont give it all away too soon. Time is an excellent screening technique for good guys. If they won’t wait, wave bye-bye.

I couldnt agree with you more stevenb!

Listen to stevenb . He gives you ecellent advice. You need to take it slow, or you are heading for disaster.

im not taking it fast tho..i dont just hook up because they want to..i actually pick out my choices..

I’m sorry, but based on your questions and comments in the past 24 hours, I personally don’t think that you are thinking about relationships in a way that convinces most of us that you’re mature enough to pursue a romantic relationship of ANY kind right now – serious or otherwise.

Most of us have given you some advice to the tune of “take your time”, “don’t rush into things”, “we can’t tell you what the guys are thinking, only you can find out for yourself”. And instead of taking that advice, you re-posted the same question 4–5 different times and simply rephrased it. We knew what you were asking the first time around – is he into you or not? We didn’t give you the answer you were looking for because we simply don’t know enough about who you’re talking about, and we could all discern that you might have been a little bit anxious to get into a relationship.

You pick out your choices how? Based on what qualities? It seems to me that you are making your “choice” based on his choice. If he likes you, then you will “choose” to be with him, if not, then you will “choose” not to be with him. It’s a controlled choice you’re making. Do you get what I’m saying? I’m sorry you haven’t received a satisfying answer, but I feel that there are larger issues having to do with your situation than simply whether or not a guy likes you, and our advice reflects that.

@jz1220:
this was the last one ive posted about guys and i have been listening to everyones advice. so i dont get why your all up on this thingy majigger..welps i dont know

@jz1220 Excellent post!!

Can’t blame the fluther community. It just you seem all over the place about relationship and some people are wondering if you are doing it for attention or if you really asking for advice

@LuckVll:
i am asking for advice..attention? never even came across my mind..why would i need attention on here?

not sure. the questions are so random with no focus though I might be proven wrong before.

I haven’t really dated a lot. i have, however, “hooked up” with a lot of guys.
coming from experience, which is where most of your responses are coming from, don’t fall into the “scene” don’t hook up just to get extra points form your girlfriends or to make yourself look better with the guys. cause chances are, you’re not…easier maybe.
be a strong woman.
there is compromise and there is not giving a dime about yourself.
compromise is something you find in a tangible relationship. a real relationship.
not caring about yourself, will end you up in a terrible heartache.
but it seems you are a young girl who is just growing up. you’ll figure things out along the way. just take the advice you can and store it inside. keep it for when you can use it. it’s all valuable.

You’re hanging out or talking to the wrong type of guys. The guys you’re talking to, are in for random hook ups, 1 night stands and all of that nasty stuff. You need somebody that wants to be your everything. You deserve that someone special, so why would you settle for less.
Change crowds and look for serious people, that might really help the situation.

@punkrockworld:thank you for the advice..but in my little town, most guys are the same…theres not really a diff crowd of guys that’ll be sorta diff…but i dont know…i may never know…

No trust me there is. But look at it this way, the serious guys don’t go to parties all the time and dont approach girls because they have class. They dont sit behind their computer aim-ing girls because they are actually doing something useful. Its whatever you want it to be.

@punkrockworld: i guess you are right..but i dont know…theres sooooo sooo much guys problems going on..im getting so tired of them

There will always be guy problems. Take the advice from above (!), relax and you’ll find someone. Putting pressure on yourself doesn’t help anything. Concentrate of getting to know yourself, what you want to do in your life, what makes you happy. Let what happens happen. Relax and enjoy being a teenager!

Just so you people know, purity to some people is more than not having an STD. Virginity is actually still valued in some areas of the country.

Patience is a virtue. Keep your virginity if you have it. “Mr. Right” is “Mr. Uber-wrong” if he values you for not having your virginity.

@missbabyboo
if there aren’t decent guys in your area… wait till you find one? (That’s right, I said the ‘w’ word)

I know it’s not easy (and it’s easy for me to tell you to wait, I’ve never even come close to a girlfriend), but try and re-assess your reasons. Don’t over-rationalize it (that is unforgivable in this area), but the doubters on this thread have a point. You do seem to want a relationship for the sake of having one, and that is a common problem. Rise above.

I found true love after I learned how to love myself. How to enjoy my own company and take charge of my own happiness. Until you know how to truly love and respect yourself for who you are no one else will know how.

I was used, abused and broken by previous boyfriends. I finally took a break and focused on discovering myself; when I began to focus on me and finding out who I was the need for a boyfriend fell to the way side. That’s when I met the love of my life. Not saying that it’s as simple as 1,2,3.. but love starts with you. As cheesy as that all sounds – LB

@ElleBee
I agree completely. Every day I become stronger and happier with myself, and it shows in my relationships as each boyfriend gets just a little closer to “Mr. Right.”