Have you ever seen love be destructive?

You see it all the time in instances where people are in relationships that are physically or emotionally damaging to themselves and others because of love. Some might argue that true love would not cause this sort of damage, but let us be honest and say that ‘love’ is very hard to define.

Love, in and of itself, is not destructive, but paired with certain other things, it can contribute to damage.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.

I think this definition is pretty clear. If it’s destructive in some way, it’s not love, but is some other emotion or activity.

There is no love without pain. Has anyone ever experienced love without pain?

I’m with @ladymia69 on this—I’ve got yet to see love that isn’t destructive in some way…
It’s not that I’m saying there is no good in love, there is. There just always seems to be some negative something in it, too.

One instance I knew seemed to combat that my cynical view for a while, though.
The people seemed pretty perfect for each other up to the very end; I hadn’t seen my friend happier. She was actually blissful, and from what I was hearing and seeing it was like a fairy tale, way too good to be true.
But how’d it end? The guy killed himself. True story.

…That seems harsh. His decision wasn’t because of the relationship by any means. What I meant was it sure affected that relationship in a negative way, is what I’m trying to say. That even if the love itself is healthy, there’s more to the story.

Selfish love can be destructive. Love that is jealous and controlling can destroy any sense of worth a person may have. Love that idolizes unrealistically can be stultifying and insufferable to the idealized person. I think most of the pain from love comes from losing that love, whatever the reason is.

Love of country, love of religion love of a woman. These are not bad in themselves but each can lead to intolerance, fighting and destruction.

Any love is destructive in itself. Not a person you know doesn’t give up something (else) they enjoy or withholds something because of love. When you love something, it takes up enough time/energy/importance that something else becomes less important wether it be a woman/man or an indulgence such as a hobby. The key is balance. Love is as destructive as it is building, or in some cases, rebuilding.

The pain I suffered through love was for the love of a friend… her love was blind for a husband that treated her like dirt & to see her love suffer for that man made my heart bleed….. I hope I never have to go through the like again……. She’s moved on now & a lot happier & a lot more in control & we’re still great friends……. ;-)

There is often pain associated with relationships. The pain is caused by people’s actions. Love never inflicts pain

I don’t think you’re ever more vulnerable to pain than when you’re in love. I don’t know if I’d call that destructive, though. Just one of love’s many components, and well worth the risk.

Sure.

I agree with perspicacious. It is the character and personality of the lover or loved (how the love is displayed, manifested or accepted) which can make it destructive not the actual love. Loving someone can cause a person to stay in an abusive relationship, but it is not the love of the individual which causes the destruction. It is the inability or unwillingness to walk away which causes the destruction.

So it’s love then ? :-/

No, the personal reaction to love.

Inheriting a million dollars would be seen as a positive thing; however, some people self destruct after doing so. Just as love is a positive thing, but the reaction to it can be positive or negative.

Caused by Love. :-/

Love in and of itself is neither right nor wrong it just is. It is not painful at all unless one interprets it to be so. We are our own creators and what love is to one is not what love is to another. If pain or hurt comes of love it is because one choose to feel and act that way. We all have choices and we make them daily. You can make a story that you are not a good person because someone doesn’t want to love you the way you feel for them but it is a matter of choice. Love can be wonderful and we all thrive and want it. Every living thing in the Universe wants love and to belong. Only our actions and choices make things good/bad.

Love is unconditional acceptance.
If pain is experienced, love is not present.

Yes. In fact, I think I have witnessed more destructive love than any other kind.

I agree with @ladymia69 , with love comes pain, though usually this comes when you have loved and lost, or when uncertainty or anxiety is introduced to the relationship. I’ve seen people totally let go when they have lost a loved one, so that loss destroyed that person’s life and will to be. One could argue if they never loved then they wouldn’t have been negatively affected. Then there is love which is unrequited or in reality cannot be, and this can cause pain as well, the pain of hopelessly yearning and/or the pain of rejection. I have experienced this, and in my situation I have to say the love did me more harm than good and I wish it did not occur. So yes, love can have destructive consequences (notice how I worded that, love itself is not destructive, it is the collateral damage that is).

Love doesn’t damage the choice to allow it to hurt does. What one does concerning love is the hurt and pain associated with love. The love itself is neither good/bad, right/wrong or true/false it is just love. How we choose to react is our own choice.

My first marriage ended up being a cataclysmic train wreck. She loved me destructively. It was a bad scene.

love is a bit like a vampire or a black widow spider, it’s beautiful to look at and seductive. but it is highly dangerous.
I’ve been bitten by it and I haven’t totally recovered back my life yet.

It is destructive but is that bad?

Love is not anything it is an emotion and therefore it cannot be good/bad, right/wrong etc… The only thing that involves us is our actions on the emotions which is a choice.

There may be pain in love when you choose to deny yourself to benefit the one you love.

Not for nothing, but did your husband find out about your affair?

“Love is a battlefield” :-/

“From forth the fatal loins of these two foes, a pair of star-cross’d lovers, take their life.” Romeo & Juliet…….

Can love be destructive? It can lead to destruction, but it isn’t inherently destructive. By it’s very nature love is life-affirming. Yet, there’s no denying that romantic love generally seeks to possess. Some people may deny that this is so. They will insist that their lover is free-and theoretically and ideologically for them, that is true. Other people make no bones about the fact of their possessiveness. I have a girlfriend who says that if she ever caught her husband cheating, he should be prepared to die, lol.He knew the terms before they got married
But both types of people would feel hurt if cheated on or if their lover left them or just simply stopped loving them. Some would react in destructive anger and seek revenge. Others would swallow their anger and maybe turn it inside to destroy themselves. If there is no love, there is no pain, no destruction.
I can only see a saint with very evolved humanity and selflessness, almost superhuman, who could escape unscathed.
Friends and parents can also be possessive in love and hinder growth and freedom in order to hold tighter. I see this as destructive also. At the very least non-nurturing. Parents who restrict their child’s independance unneccesarily due to fear or their own selfish needs is destructive of what the child needs for his/her self-esteem. To go out in the world and gain confidence and a sense of efficacy. They love the child, but they could love better by letting go a little.
Friends with true love and affection can also be jealous. They may not always encourage us and support us and be happy for us if it conflicts with their needs.
So I guess overall I would say that it’s not love which is destructive it’s jealousy that is. The things that damage love are the things that are destructive, not the love itself.
One comfort in the destruction love can wreak is that once we heal, we are stronger. What doesn’t destroy us makes us stronger. As long as we can continue to keep our hearts open to love, the pain does not diminish us.

@Earthgirl Well said.

But again what everyone says like a parent or spouse causing harm to the other is the actions. Love itself is an emotion and Love is niether good or bad.

SABOTEUR Thank you :)

Summum I think love is always good.

I like this summation…… :-/

“To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you’re getting this down.”
Woody Allen.

@Earthgirl Lurve for your above answer. But love is an emotion what one does because of their emotions can be destructive.

Love is like a constant orgasm, only it’s your heart that throbs…… :-/