What's the biggest line of BS you ever sold?

I told a girl at a bar I was an NBA player and she believed it.

Also that I owned a bar in Northern Ireland called the Hi-Lo for a few years.

Also that I ran a island hopping helicopter service in the Cayman Islands.

@cockswain

You said all this to the same girl?

Company policy.
I have yet to acquire a job that uses more than a minuscule fragment of my attention and wattage, so I spend a lot of my work hours in my head. One of the things that I do is try to work out why The Rules are The Rules. I analyze a command and its necessary outcome, think of how it relates to the work that I’m doing, and think of possible reasons for it to have been given. If any of my clients happens to ask me why we do this instead of that, I pull out the inferred reason and give it to them, often with some AFAIK-type qualifiers.

My greatest failure was when I tried to wing a Marketing presentation that I had completely forgotten about.

I train seeing eye parakeets for a living. We are about to get shut down because the first two birds I successfully trained to get over their fear of natural predators got eaten by the cats when I gave the director a thumbs up for starting the demonstration.
The first trial was with hamsters, but they got out of their harnesses the first day- after which all of the ‘natural predators’ had shit-eating grins on their faces. did you know a hamster can squeeze itself through a hole the size of a dime? I didn’t.
My buddy thinks we should try platypus’s next, but they have poisonous spikes in their armpits, and a blind guy might not get along well with one…
My biggest challenge with the parakeets is figuring out a way to get them to avoid holes in the ground like manholes etc. that they would normally just fly over…
No kidding, a girl was buying that all day long until I broke down and laughed so hard I started crying.

I’m not a bullshit wholesaler. I don’t sell my bullshit in big lots. I find that I do much better in retail; if I deliver my bullshit in drips and drabs. It’s just a marketing issue; not that I wouldn’t want to or be willing to sell one big line of bullshit all at once. It’s just not my style or my market. ;-)

I just do small things too… not because I’m in sales, just because that’s the kind of BS I give out. Most I’ve done—

Is tell my sister a pizza stone would crack if we left it in the oven while we baked cookies on the rack above it. She freaked out… hahh.

And get someone to climb through a window to get into my house because my door was mysteriously broken. (That was kinda fun, not seeing-parakeet level, but I enjoyed their face while they stood in the sill of the window and realized the whole story was crap.)

I delivered a lot of BS in college. Here’s one that wasn’t 100% BS, but worked out beautifully:

I had a paper due for a class last year that I was running late on. Hours late turned into days, which turned into weeks, which turned into months without ever writing it. I had decided that when my professor mentioned it, I would claim that I had emailed it from my Grandma’s months ago (blame tech problems on Grandma). He never mentioned it. Finally the semester ended and I handed in all my other outstanding work. I only had this one paper left to write, and I didn’t want to. I couldn’t just send it in once I wrote it; rather I needed my professor to bring up that he hadn’t seen it. Soo I emailed him asking what grade I had received on this paper. I expected him to say, “You know, I don’t have a record of having received that paper.” Instead, he wrote, “You got an A- on that one. Congrats on finishing the semester!”

So for whatever reason, I got an A- on a paper I never wrote. Go me.

Having worked my entire career in advertising and marketing, I wouldn’t know how even to begin to answer this question. ;-)

Aberdeen Angus, quality compost right there. Made a tidy profit so I did. The shit I pull!

At a conference in Michigan, I met a guy in a bar and mentioned I was from Orange County. Poking fun at the OC stereotypes, I made a joke about having fake boobs.

Hours later, after interacting with said boobs, he said, “Wait, I have to ask. Are those seriously fake?”

My daughter had a loose tooth when she was 5 years old. She walked up to me and wiggled it back and forth, and said she was gonna get her adult tooth soon.
I reached up, and wiggled her nose, and told her she was gonna lose her baby nose soon, and get her adult nose.
She spent the next couple of days telling that to everyone. She still laughs today remembering how gullible she was.

@Hobbes No, this was over the span of 10 years. Were because I’d bought a bunch of t-shirts at Old Navy that looked like they were from real businesses, so I just went with it. I just remembered that because of those shirts, I’ve also convinced some people I owned a pool hall in Key Biscayne called “Sharkey’s”, and that I drove a cab in Jamaica for a few years.