He's going on tour, can I trust him?

I“m a musician and i’ve dated several musicians…. it all depends on so many factors – you know yourself and your partner in your relationship and you know your partner…. so i think if you trust him, you should trust him, there will always be temptation everywhere, and not just on a tour, i’ve had partners cheat on me and then i’ve had partners not – i’ve been loyal to all my partners on tour – but I don’ want to tell you that he wont blindly be tempted – or not tempted per se but have the opportunity.
However – you just have to trust….. besides i’m sure you’re amazing, he’d be an idiot if he did do anything!
x

Thanks tan235, I do just have to trust him. Your right, there is temptation everywhere. I’ve been amazed at the way women throw themselves at band members at gigs and i suppose i am just worrying that temptation will get the better of him! We were friends for 12 years before we got together and i have seen the way he was when he was single, but he’s not now! Thanks again x

If he was the sort of man who cheats… you would know by now. If he loves you and is decent and respectful now, why would that change because he is on tour. Certainly there may be temptations, but it doesn’t mean he will give in to them.

Either you chose to trust him or if it eats you up inside then your better off to move on. Don’t torture yourself.

Upfront and being a musician for many years, I would say that people in the entertainment business should never be married. If you have ever read one of those “rag” magazines, you will understand why. Other than the drugs and alcohol, the opportunity to cheat is beyond comprehension. Screaming bodies are a big temptation for any man. Your problems are just beginning in your situation.

There are a few exceptions to the above and Faith Hill is one of them. She has remained married and happy, simply because she and her husband are both entertainers and understand the business.

Separation and distance can make the devil’s job a lot easier for some of us.

Suggestion: any way you can go with him? My wife went with me on many a show and it worked perfectly.

Talk this over with him. If you have children, hit the grandparents for babysitting.

Hi John65pennington. Thanks for your response. Don’t get me wrong, I knew exactly what i was getting into when this relationship began. We do have children but both from previous relationships so there are alot of commitments there as far as forming stability for them. He has recently said he wants to get married but I’m not sure if I can live in a marriage where my partner will be away alot in that kind of environment! I’m beginning to think that it’s not just a trust issue here but rather a commitment thing on my part!
I won’t be able to go with him but I will be travelling to a couple of countries for a few dates.
It is something I will discuss with him but i don’t want to put a dampner on it for him as it is such an amazing opportunity. He has toured before but nothing as big or long as this and I don’t want him to feel like he can’t do his thing. I want to support him all the way but its hard when i can’t be there.

@ejk21405 You have kids from previous relationships. Were you part of his break up, or he part of yours? If he cheated with you or knew that you cheated on your ex, then the chances are good that he will do it now. That’s my theory.

He could just as easily cheat on you while he is home, but if he hasn’t cheated on you before, then I think you should put your whole trust in him while he is away.
I know it won’t be easy for you, and at times your imagination will get the better of you.
Just be pleased for him, ring him whenever you can, and look forward to the time when you are back together again.
If there isn’t trust in a relationship then it isn’t going to work out. Good luck

@6rant6 No, both relationships began and ended fairly quickly and neither of us had anything to do with the breakups. There was no infidelity in either. We’ve known each other since i was in my teens and he 19 or 20. The paranoia comes from knowing the kind of man he was and knowing exactly what happens at gigs and he happens to get alot of attention. haha Just worried that temptation for a newer younger woman will get the better of him

Well, if he was the best of men, and loved you the most a man could love, it’s still possible that he could fall prey to a fawning hot chick. We are frail, vain, and insecure creatures sometimes.

But it sounds like you’ve got the best of situations at home. If you want to make sure he has something on the road to help him remember, try to make the arrival home sex memorable. That could help steel him against “Hey, 19.” And I’d bone up on your phone sex, too.

Haha, Thanks @6rant6. I’ll take your advice….. nothing better than the anticipation of whats waiting for you when you get home from a hard day at the office

@ejk21405 Nothing distracts the male brain from a hard day like the anticipation of a hard night.

ejk21405. You guys have know each other for a good while and that is great. Apparently, you two had something going earlier in your lives and that is also great. You said you understand his being a muscian and all the glamor that goes along with it. This is good that upfront, you knew this. This will help you a lot. I can honestly tell you and the world this…...for many years, I had the opportunity to cheat on my wife. There were many. But, I did not. When you truly have your soulmate and lover for life, everything else just seems to be second class.

Know what I know now, I say give him a lot of rope. You want him to succeed and it shows. Trust is not just a word, it’s the difference between believing in someone and not. Trust him, until you know otherwise.

I know you are proud of him as my wife was of me. Continue with your support and keep the cellphone bill paid. You two will be talking to each other….....a lot.

Simply put, this is not a good scenario for a long term relationship. Although it is possible that it could work out, the odds are not in your favor. That is simply a fact. I wish you well.

I don’t know how trustworthy your boyfriend is. I just know that when people enter that industry they seem to lose any and all respect for morals. I would not be in your situation, I’m quite sure.

Is he the bassist? If he is, nothing to worry about…

First of all, we can’t answer this question. Second, there are a lot of musician stereotypes being thrown around with no actual factual data to back them up. Third, if you don’t trust him, then I think you should take it up with him. Fourth talk to him, talk to him, talk to him.

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it’s probably a duck. Quack quack…. Time to fly away.

@mutable What? He hasn’t done a damn thing! He’s not acting like a duck. You reliving something?

Having been on both sides it’s all about communication. Agree w others, there’s just as much chance to cheat at home. Make sure you both talk honestly about your needs, wants and desires. Separation can often be a terrific opportunity for relationships.