Would you like to attempt a rhyme?

My darling, my honey, my soul mate, my lover
You freeze off my ass when you hog all the cover.

My love for you will brook no delay,
We can have sex while my wife is away.

There’s just no denying you’re the hottest of chicks
But all of my lovers are required to have dicks.

You’re the image of Lady Godiva I swear,
In the way that you whine you’ve got nothing to wear.

Watching you sleep on your side I am torn
Shall I play on the X-Box or go search for porn?

As much as I love you, my brown eyed beauty
I still prefer women who’ve got a nice booty

A love like ours will never decay
If you and your sister give me a threeway

Is this thing on?

I can stare at my love hour after hour;
But I dare not breathe for she will not shower.

Ha this is the worst time for Fluther for those of us in PST, people around the world are either sleeping or working! Since I’m also still awake, I might as well try one:

Your eyes, so deep, have their own blue language
But please focus them on making my sandwich.

(Eh, a bit of a rhyme stretch.)

My love for you is as deep as the ocean and the purest of the pure
and I hope it lasts longer than your stamina endures

I only slept for an hour, so I don’t have anything creative.. but these are hilarious.

You know you’re the only girl, the one of my life
However I didn’t mean it this way, with you holding that knife

For you, I’d swim oceans and keep sharks at bay
Yes, nothing will stop me from getting away.

Your lips, your hair, your breasts so compelling.
But all I can think about is Jeruba’s spelling.

Our bodies were moving in perfect rhythm.
Now everything’s covered in sticky jism.

Your rapturous voice makes me quiver,
But your pheromones smell like fried liver.

@6rant6, if I ever start that alternative line of greeting cards, I know who to hire as a verse writer!!!

The lovin’ was great and I wasn’t fakin’
But now that you’re gone, I get all the bacon.

Love was grand, and worth the try
But hard its end, and black the eye.

This question has me thinking of Tom Lehrer

I love the way you smile,
But your breath is bad and vile.

I told you your eyes look like the stars,
But really, you belong behind bars.

You, my love, have an amazing smile
But so many teeth make me run a mile.

There’s love in your eyes
But not with those thighs!

Our first night together I won’t soon forget
Because sleeping with you, I won a huge bet

Your eyes are so deep, and your hair is so shiny
But you need to work on the shape of your heiny

Though I’ve contributed many questions to the fluther nation,
I fear this one is simply a floccinaucinihilipilification.

A lovers’ kiss as we say good adieu
So I can go home and screw my husband too.

Our role play romantic was just what I needed
To see just how far your IQ has receded.

My darling wife, you’re as beautiful & serene as Venus
guess where this one’s going, right?
I weep with joy when your arse flashes up & down on my p…......oh now come on! ;¬}

My darling your man’s touch on my woman’s thigh
Has helped me to know that I’m gay and not bi.

The list of the things that I love about you
Starts with money and curiously it ends there too

A love is like a tapestry brought from a place old
In places it’s worn almost through and smells of dirt and mold.

You tell me now your every want, and I’ll fulfill them stat
But first I have to ask you if you want some fries with that.

It’s not so much the way you look but how you do strip tease
That makes me think you probably have some neurologic disease

I found that you were on my mine when I awoke from resting
And your image, you should know, has ruined my digesting

Omigod. The typos. I guess I’m not fully awake. Writing is rewriting. Unfortunately.

Your lips are so sweet, your kisses like honey
It’s hard to recall how I wed for your money

My love for you hungers, while down on my knees
In part cause your thighs look like cottage cheese.

(sans poetry, this reminds me of the old Groucho Marx line “I can imagine you in our home bending over a hot stove, but I can’t see the stove).

In you I found loving, you not just a tease
In me you found multiple social disease

Quickly now! Our love must not wait.
Tomorrow I’ll be without a prostate.

I wish each moment we have shared I’d captured on recorder
How simple then it’d be to get a quick restraining order

Of all the women I have loved I find you most exotic
It’s half because you’re such a perv and half that you’re psychotic.

You’re handsome, you’re virile, you’re a real sweet-talker,
Too late she discovered you’re a serial stalker.

Quick! liquor her up and take the leap,
Before she wakes and discovers she’s slept with the creep

I think your so gorgeous, so sexy and fine,
No only messing, it’s just for the rhyme.

Self edited.

When I look in your eyes I see all the angels and heaven,
Oh hang on just a sec, it’s probably Kevin.

You make me horny like no other
With the possible exception of mother

Your face is radiant with feminine charms,
But nothing makes up for your masculine arms.

La la la: To all the girls I’ve loved before
Not including that little whore.

Your voice is soothing with each inflection
Did you know you have a yeast infection?

Your skin so smooth, your shape like Venus;
Now please let go of my penis.

When I told you our loving was worth any risk;
I’d no idea how you’d use that wire whisk.

I told you I loved you before you got laid
But I’m holding you hostage until I get paid.

My lover, there’s naught that could e’er come between us
Eeek! It’s a worm! OMG, that’s your penis?

Sweetheart, darling, honey pie,
Your kick in my crotch just made me cry.

Your body lithe, tight, smooth – heaven;
Too bad you’re only eleven.

Hey – fuck off; I could’ve said seven.

but like Spinal Tap’s amp, @seazen goes to 11. That’s true class.

In fluther @Blueroses I knew you’d go far;
But why’d you go and change your avatar?

He who gave me the old avatar likes “11”
thought I’d best get Christ’s mom if I want to see heaven XD

You are lovely on the inside there is no doubt
Would you please let me turn you inside out?

Your teeth are like pearls and they shine out so white
From the jar by our bed where you keep them at night.

Your breasts feel so shapely and nice in my hands
I would never have guessed they were silicon glands.

You swore endless love as we stood ‘top Niagra
I didn’t know then, it required Viagra

Your hair and your eye looked so lovely and your leg was so shapely as well
I’m surprised all these parts are detachable and I promise I never will tell.

I saw you in the distance and you looked just like a dream
But when you got up closer I could not repress a scream.

You are lithe you are pretty you are charming as can be
Expected at the ripe old age of going on 93.

There’s no limit in harvest that our love will yield
So I cut off your dick and tossed it in a field.
ode to Lorena Bobbit
ok. stop me now

You’re the bee in my bonnet, the fluff on my chick,
Now hand me a bucket before I get sick.

Our wild reckless lovemaking – boom, bang, crash!
Has left me with bruises and this gnarly rash.

Nothing could ever come between us,
Except a man with a bigger penis.

In the throes of passion, my name you did shout.
Now be a man and take the garbage out.

The two of us have become one
miserable couple. What have we done!

I can’t wait to make love to you again
We can watch TV until Viagra kicks in.

The love we make, so passionate and deep
Is all my dreams, the real thing puts me to sleep.

With you, I swear my whole body hums
Oh wait, it’s my stomach, go grab the Tums!

I thought that it would grow when it swelled.
Is it still in? I really can’t tell.

You look so cool with your alligator skin shoes
What? You’re barefoot? Well then, you lose.

I would love to eat you on a dish
But your vagina really smells like fish

Your pulse quickens. The sex is great.
I wish you wouldn’t masturbate.

I love to play with your banana,
But I told you to keep it away from Anna

I enjoyed our time in Oaxaca
But you look just like Chewbacca

@shego Best rhyme ever.

@sliceswiththings Thanks

To my darling wife, whom I’ll always adore:
Guess how I found out that your sister’s a whore?

I love your smile, your face and your eyes
Damn, I’m good at telling lies!

Your beauty, your manner, your elegant grace,
Was improved by the truck that ran over your face.

Your breasts so lovely in me arouse
A new respect for dairy cows.

I’m anticipating the feel of your sweet embrace
but please don’t take that paper bag off your face.

I’m sure that love will make us happy
Me with your mom and you with my pappy.

You are my foundation, my rock, my anchor
And the probable cause of my penile canker

“For you, my sweet mistress, I’ll do anything!” you said.
Then saw I had your wallet… and you… chained to the bed!

I adored how it felt when I fondled your breasties
Imagine my shock when I came to your testes

They are all good but @flutherother really made me guffaw:

Your teeth are like pearls and they shine out so white
From the jar by our bed where you keep them at night.

Thanks everyone for making me laugh. What a great thread, eh?!

Inspired by @filmfann:

I’ll give you all things, my sweet tortilla
In fact, I just gave you my gonorrhea.

You gave me flowers, a rose and a daisy
You gave me genital warts that itch like crazy.

Course now I’m going to wake up to “gonorrhea rhyme” in my search bar :)

Your skin must be smooth beneath your shirt and your slacks
But I won’t know for sure until you go get a wax!

My lover fine it’s you I’m thanking
for giving me that fearsome spanking.

Life without you I couldn’t stand
My favorite partner, my right hand.

Your skin reminds me of a rose
But damn, you got some ugly toes!

Men may make passes at girls who wear glasses,
But not if they’re sporting double-wide asses.

slightly off topic but couldn’t resist…

5K lurve and you’re still here?
Hurry, @seazen: disappear!!

@harple This time it’s til 10k. Thanks.

@seazen Really? We may get to hold a bar mitzvah party for you?

With your curves and your sparkle you give me such bliss
It’s my bottle of Glen Morangie and I’m going on the piss.

@flutherother On the same theme:

You are so delightful, my heart’s in a whirl,
Not a real woman, it’s St. Pauli Girl.

My wife you’ll never see no more, her darling name was Mabel
I dissolved her in an acid bath and drank her under the table.

I’d cross the desert for the sight of you
Dying of dehydration too.

My mind’s made up, it’s you I want
On Halloween, my house to haunt.

Your body ripe, your feminine mounds
Could stand to lose about thirty pounds.

I love how you smile and the way that you dance
I’d love you still more if you’d get big implants.

I’ve loved you in the morning, I’ve loved you night and noon
Now I learn that you got loved as much by my platoon.

Our nuptial bed inviting, just like what I’ve read
That is until I climbed on top and you seemed you were dead

Champagne lead to romance and things only we’ll know
But it’s disturbing to wake and find a dwarf on your pillow.

You’re outgoing, friendly, you smile – you beam,
But did you have to go do the whole football team?

You’re picturesque, and Reubenesque. Vivacious, full of grace
But I can’t hear the radio when you sit on my face!

@filmfann FTW!

Bluroses is sexy, sweet and a dear;
What a shame that I’m a queer.

Ah @seazen what’s not to lurve about those lines? Story of my life.

That magical night when we danced until dawn
and I wanted to kiss but you went home with Sean.

This Sean?

Cuz Sean Young’s a real nutjob babe.

more this Sean
Same thing.

Same temperament; different genital development.

10 dimes,for 10 limes,...hear those chimes?
ooops,did i just talk in rhymes? yeh,i do that sometimes….

Making love to you is magical and wonderous!
But we are going to have to clean the tablecloth that’s under us.

just so we can see what the OP meant.

All wrinkled and creased your pink night dress hung down
But when I put on the light you weren’t wearing your gown