Could this person be a threat to my relationship with my Boyfriend?

I don’t really know how you could have handled it better. She sounds like a bitch.

I don’t want to put her down—but I had read in an email that she said that what they’re doing isn’t right because I’m in the picture, but they did it anyway!

Well you handled it fine, but I wouldn’t be trusting him so much. Sometimes in these situations the person puts their anger towards the “other” but it takes two to tango

Yes this person is a threat to your relationship and so is your “boyfriend” since he’s emotionally in two places with two women instead of one. I wouldn’t trust him not to contact her anymore. The blame isn’t just on her because she knows you are his current gf, the blame is also on him for encouraging her or at least making her feel it’s okay to contact him at all hours and talk about who knows what that she thinks she knows so much about the intimacies of yours and his relationship and problems he has with it he’s sharing with her. Sounds to me like neither one of them is respectful of the relationship you think you have with him.

What I just wrote sounds harsh but I’ve been in your shoes where a guy told me he and I were “exclusvie” and all the while he was sex texting and sharing emails and porn links with “an old friend” he said he had no intentions of ever meeting up with again. What he thought was innocent goofing off was horribly insulting and deceptive in my eyes and it damaged our relationship horribly to where I mistrusted every thing that had been between us up to that point and also made me skeptical and bitter towards anything that might happen in the future. Forgiving without bitterness and anger is rough. Good luck to you but don’t be duped again.

I agree with @Neizvestnaya. I doubt she would feel that comfortable reaming you out if your boyfriend had been holding her at arms reach. He must be feeding her some fairly negative things about your relationship and that is extremely inappropriate and behaviour that is on the road to trying to get back into a relationship with her.

If I was you I would think twice about how much you should be invested/investing in this relationship. You deserve someone who wants to be with you.

@tranquilsea—You hit the nail on the head!

@projectilevomit it sucks you are going through this. He’s behaving like a weenie.

Dump him. He is messing around on you.

I’m not really sure what the best “course of action” is in this case, but I’m sorry you’re going through this regardless. I don’t want to play Devil’s Advocate but it’s also possible that she’s kind of a crazy bitch (well, very likely) who could be lying to you and also taking advantage of him. Her response to you is ridiculously uncalled for. Even if it’s the truth, she has no right to be the one to talk to you about it.

The only thing I can suggest is having a long conversation with your boyfriend about this. Don’t just do the “reactive” thing by blocking her emails, etc. You need to get to the bottom of why she said what she did, and ask your boyfriend exactly what kind of conversations he has been having with her about you. That is completely out of bounds. Like many have said to me about other situations, she (the ex) gave up her right to have an opinion about his relationships when they broke up and when she betrayed his trust.

Plan your leaving. He is still tied emotionally to the woman.

You need to ask him how he feels about her.

Why had he not blocked her before? Had he replied to her texts?

What was going on with her from his perspective?

You need to know these things before going forward with your boyfriend.

She cheated on him. If he was communicating with her, he was cheating on you. What does he think about that?

I agree with @tranquilsea and @Neizvestnaya. He lied to you already when he did not tell you it was a text from her. If he were completely innocent, he would have been able to tell you it was her immediately not after you caught him. If you continue in the relationship, you will probably drive yourself crazy by wondering if he is telling you the truth. It sounds to me, like the relationship is off to a bad start. Once trust is broken, it is almost impossible to get back. I would cut my losses as it is still fairly early in the relationship.

I think it’s time to move on. He lied to you about a text and he’s clearly still talking to her. Sounds like he’s playing both sides of the fence.

@cak he is at that. It sounds like this woman on the phone deserves him.

So not only is he sneaking and texting her, he lied about it. And he is saying bad things about you to her. He would rather have a “texting relationship” with someone that is hundreds of miles away than to have the real relationship right under his nose? What the hell is wrong with him? I would certainly distance myself from him until you really know that the ex is out of the picture for good, or even just move on. He doesn’t deserve you.

@tranquilsea- I just gave you some serious lurve. (your answers were great, but you also worked “behaving like a weenie” into this thread. Somehow, that just captured it perfectly!)

@cak thanks! When men behave like this words like that seem apropos.

By what I read, your boyfriend is a threat to your relationship. She wouldn’t be saying those things about your guys’ relationship if he didn’t say those things to her about your relationship.
Maybe you should forgive the girl who’s mind is being f*cked by your boyfriend and have a talk with your boyfriend. Or just leave him, I’d leave him ASAP.

just because you caught him doesn’t mean it’s over. trust me. it’s too easy to create another email account and use that one. . .

get out!

No. It’s his place to end communicating with her, not yours.

You’re both in high school, right? This chick is in TN and you’re both in CA? Is he planning on moving to TN? Is she planning on moving to CA? My point is, they are not dating. You have to be in the same place to date, or in a committed relationship where the separation is temporary and there is a plan to be in the same place at some defined point in time.

He blocked her from everything and sticks to it, you don’t have a problem, and he had a learning experience. He needs to be able to prioritize his relationships, and if he allows it to start back up, then you have a problem in the relaitonship, and it’s not her, it’s him.

Is this person a threat to your relationship? No. Your boyfriend is a threat to your relationship. If she texted him at 4am, and he had at 4AM already had a lie ready to slip to you——he is the problem here.

This would not at all sit well with me.

Now, I would not have texted her back. I’d have been addressing the liar in front of me.

Since you did handle it with a text, you now should have an in depth conversation about the current state of your trust and what his goals are in your relationship.

If it were me, I’d need to take a break and prepare myself to end with him.

You keep on referring to yourself and your boyfriend as a collective “we” as if you both are together on this and are of one mind. This is clearly not the case and you are much more alone than you’d probably like to think.

She’s not harassing anyone, your boyfriend is inviting this and spilling all his beef with you to her. She feels she has the upper hand on you which is why she has the nerve to be aggressive with you because she’s figuring you won’t last much longer.

Get out of the “We” mindset, it’s not “we” anymore. He has much more to answer for, and you’re letting him get away with it. It’s his neck that should be against the wall, not hers.

You can trust and forgive just dont be blind to possible future red lights. The main thing I would have a problem with is that you and her don’t even know each other, so how is she speaking up on you and/or your relationship unless your man is talking to her about you and his problems. She isn’t just assuming useually someone that makes such a bold statement like she was claimimg, obviously knows more about you, than you know about her. If your man has a problem in your relationship he should be talking to you about it or at least someone thats going to give him advise as to solving the problem, not someone listening while plotting how to ween you out. Talking to anouther person especially an ex about your current relationship problems is only openning yourself up to be unfaithful. Remember cheating is not just a physical action it is also a mental and emotional action. To me it hurts far worse to know that my man is having intimate conversation and getting his emotion talks with anyone else other than myself. Hope this gives you the insight you were looking for.