What is the strangest/funniest thing that you have heard/seen all week?
I had to laugh when my 3rd grade son’s teacher called to tell me that he was so unfocused, not funny being unfocused he was tying his shoelaces to his desk legs. Then on the other hand, my fifth grade daughter is doing anything possible to get out of class even for just a few minutes.
So I have one that is trying to escape and the other is tying himself down to his desk!......................—-oh what to do?—
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“I am on a drug, it’s called ‘Charlie Sheen.’ It’s not available ‘cause if you try it once you will die. Your face will melt off, and children will weep over your exploded body.” – Charlie Sheen
My nephew looked at me and said. “Is that your face or did your neck throw up?”
A man got hit very hard with some kind of a ball. He was rolling on the ground in agony with his hands between his legs. A lady saw him and rushed up, saying she was a massage therapist and would he allow her to help? He agreed, still moaning and rolling around. She put her hands down his pants and began massage. She said, “there; does that feel better?” and he said, “yeah, but my thumb is still killing me.”
The strangest thing this week was having three beefy guys from a local furniture store deliver a dinette set in a huge box and telling me they couldn’t assmble it because it was a “promotional deal.” P.S., I had paid $65 for assembly.
I returned it and vowed not to do business with this store again. P.S. They didn’t seem to care a fig.
I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.
Sometimes I’ll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
A friend posted this link on facebook today, and it made me LOL4RL.
Where does George Washington keep his armies?
In his sleevies
The funniest thing I have seen recently was a lady whose umbrella blew out of her hand. She chased and chased it, eventually catching up with it. As she bent down to pick up her umbrella her dress blew up over her head. Everyone around her was chuckling.
In meeting the roommate of my new romantic interest, I learned she was born with a closed vagina and then felt like she had two vaginas and it was all later fixed through sex. Interesting stuff.
I’m in a psych ward, amusement all day everyday.
The doctor in hospital called me beautiful when I came out of the room with a cast on my leg….
that’s funny…
We saw a flock of turkeys walking down our street yesterday. There were about a dozen of them. I let the toddlers out to see them, and the turkeys thought they were being chased. They took of walking very fast, with the boys running to keep up, and Grandma left in the dust, so to speak.
Luckily, the boys stopped at the intersection a block away, just as they had been taught. When the birds no longer felt threatened, they started milling around, and a good time was had by all.
@queenie: Nah. I’m sure they were correct!
This week my son came up with yet another little gem. He hates to shower, he would prefer a bath. He’s a boy, he gets dirty…showers wash the dirt away!
Me: I think it’s time you really shower more than take baths.
Son: I hate showers.
Me: Seriously, sitting in dirty bath water…c’mon. You know how to shower, lets make this change! Trying to persuade him with logic. Clearly, it’s not working.
Son: Mom. Seriously, I hate showers.
Me: Why? Give me a good reason. Please.
Son: You know, when I was a little younger, I shower with Dad. Only once that I can really remember. I’m not tall like Dad and when I look up, his privates were right there. pointing to his eyes. Seriously, Mom. I thought he might pee on me. That is why I hate showers!
Me: Shaking head Alrighty, then. I’ll get the bath ready.
I called my husband, he promptly laughed in the phone, loudly. Neither of us could really counter the argument, at that time.
@cak My oldest daughter doesn’t like showers but she’s never said why. Perhaps it could be from the trauma of showering with mom when she was little…
@WillWorkForChocolate: Leave it to my son to point out the obvious to me. I tried to remember when my daughter was younger. She just had an aversion to water. I think.
@dreamer31: This is how he is all the time. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to counter a response to what he points out to me.
@cak you desccribed my youngest, he’s the same way and only 6;)
@Scooby LOL4REAL!!! love the wardrobe prank one…. to funny…
How sad am I!! I have been working so hard this week, I can’t remember having a belly aching laugh session! I am going to make sure I watch a comedy or something over the weekend. Laughter is the best medicine!
@partyparty that is a funny, funny story (for us). Poor lady, she must have been so embarrassed.
I watched 3 first graders play duck duck goose by themselves. It was even funnier when one of them got caught and had to sit in the middle.
This sign on a garbage can: Information and File Management Systems.
@cak This was a real company and that sign was on a garbage can inside a hospital. It made me laugh and laugh and then ask them just how careful they were with my file. lol.
This video clip just made me crack up. I’ve watched it a few times now, and I laugh every time. It makes me think of a friend of mine, for some reason.
Come on, you know you want to watch it. It’ll be the funniest four seconds of your day.
Oh sorry, my daughter and I were laughing so loud that my hubby had to shush us.
Well, this is actually a couple weeks old, but it was the weirdest thing I have seen in a while.
A guy I know (I went to school with him, and haven’t seen him since. Thanks Facebook) was skin diving down at Monterey, when he and his pal went up to the beach, and ran into Bill Murray learning to boogy board with his son. My friend and his friend had their pics taken with him, all in their wet suits. Pretty amusing. The Pic
I was on an Amtrak train and this guy had a way over-intimate conversation on his phone. He complained about his tax-related legal problems, mentioned taking his brother’s Adderall, and not-so-subtly asked the guy he was on the phone with if they’d be swapping body fluids later. Whoppers like this went on for ~2 hours.
@WillWorkForChocolate: That cat needs therapy. Being a bit of a bully! That was funny.
I noticed that someone responded on youtube, and said that cat had a British accent. I’m from the South. I was detecting a more Southern twang to that anger!
@cak Yep, definitely southern.
This story about the travails of eco-friendly toilets. What can I say, it’s been that kind of week.
@Mz_Lizzy Yes I think the lady was very embarrased. She didn’t know what to do, pull her dress back down and lose the umbrella again, or hold on to the umbrella and show her underwear. What a quandry for her!!
@partyparty :-) awww poor thing but hilariously funny for those watching. Hope she had worn her nice undies that day…. would be even worse if she wore her bombay bloomers!
The New Serenity Prayer
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I cannot accept,
and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I had
to kill today because they pissed me off.
And also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on
today as they be connected to the ass that I may have
to kiss tomorrow.
Help me to always give 100% at work…
12% on Monday.
23% on Tuesday.
40% on Wednesday.
20% on Thursday.
5% on Friday.
And help me to remember…
When I’m having a really bad day,
and it seems that people are trying to piss me off,
that it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4…
to extend my middle finger and tell them to bite me!
Amen.
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