Is a lie ever okay?

White lies to save someone’s feelings are okay, in some situations.

Sometimes you just have to. Things like, “No, we’re not planning a suprise birthday party for you!” or “No, that doesn’t make you look fat!”.

“Is Anne Frank in your attic?”

I hope that you will read the thoughtful answers and predominantly courteous discussion of this same question, asked by Kevbo, 7 months ago, when we had a different collective.

http://www.fluther.com/disc/3063/do-you-live-by-absolute-or-relative-morals-and-truths/

@gailcalled: I’m curious, what do you mean by “when we had a different collective”?

@gail, thanks for the link. Just looking for simple, upfront thoughts on the subject. Less complex question = less complex answers.

@Babo:The original collective (this is a generality, I know) were, by-and-large, more courteous, more experienced, addressed the question, and were able to abide more easily by the guidelines…there was very little flagging…

The younger members answered the questions and imparted lots of good information w/o being cruel, predictable, repetitive, insulting or silly. (Again I am generalizing.) I don’t know. I have deleted the last four sentences I wrote. There is also the issue of using clear and comprehensible language. How do I spell “definitely”? Let me count the ways.

@Spendy; no matter how carefully you couch that question, there are no simple answers.

yes. I believe it is.

@And we had a number of absolutists. I think that NIkipedia’s answer was brilliant, BTW.

There are occasions where it is more kind to another to tell a lie, but if we get in the habit of doing this we weaken our abilities to tell the truth in a diplomatic way.

@gail, I read the thread you pointed out to us, and I can’t say it is the best example of a more courteous collective. I am referring to one member’s posting of another’s personal information because of a disagreement. I think it was in poor taste, and rather childish. I agree that it has gotten pretty silly here lately, but I still think we have a pretty good group of people here.

lying is never ok even if its for someones good or not to hurt their feelings..lying will just hurt their feelings more when they find out the truth..no matter what the occasion is, lyings never ok.

@missbabyboo: How could you read nikopedia’s answer and still think that?!!

@babo:
huh?

Do you know who Anne Frank was?

yes i know who anne frank is

missbabyboo, then if you know who Anne Frank is, and saw nikipedia’s answer, how can you say lying is never ok?

I believe that a lie told for the right reasons is okay.
For example, you wouldn’t want to break a four year old’s heart by telling her that santa claus isn’t real
However a lie told simply to be malicious is never acceptable.

@ nikipedia – brilliant. I am going to use that. I will give you full credit.

“does this dress make me look fat honey”?

@Babo Thanks

cuz lying is still neve ok..anne franks case that was back then and it was different what im saying is now…

@missbaby; what about the internecine fighting in Iraq (Sunnis, Baaths and Shiites), Lebanon (Muslims and Christians) Iran, Israel and Palestine, suicide bombers, Tutus and Hutsies slaughtering each other, Turks and Armenians, tribal warfare in many of the sub saharan countries (Sudan, for example.) The list is longer but you get my point. If you were a refugee hiding in someone’s cellar and someone was waiting outside for you, armed with a machete, would you not like your host to protect you (and possibly your children, often very young)?

Or a friend whose abusive father has come looking for her and she’s hiding in your room… (for something closer to home).

D; good point. Ditto for abused wives who are in shelters. No one ever gives info out on them.

@nikipedia – as before mentioned, your answer is a prime example (and also very simple, in and of itself). :)

@gailstuff:
umm what aer you talking about? i dont understand a single word you said in the response

sorry..@gailcalled

gail was asking you if you would tell a lie to protect a child hiding from dnager in the present. You said it would have been ok to lie about hiding Anne Frank because it was the past, but for some reason you don’t think that would apply today. Would you tell a crazed murderer where your best friend was hiding because you wouldn’t want to tell a lie? Do you get it now?

@missbaby: To elaboate on what scamp said, just because Anne Frank was alive years ago, doesn’t mean that her situation is any less relevant today.

Absolutely.

ok idc

You should care. You asked the question.

well simple white lies that help keep a secret for a suprize party or refrain from hurting someones fellings are ok. But still the truth is the best so if u make a white lie make sure its not for ur benifit

Niki is so, so right that we should all get together and press the button for “great answer” -
even missbabyboo if she gets the point sometime soon.

But um gail, it’s… Hutus and Tutsis. Tutus and Hutsies are something else, I’m pretty sure.

This is why I love fluther.

@ Susanc: Shall we dance? Or as Spooner might have said, “Dale we chance?” I did write that response in a white heat – prob. not a good idea. Thanks for being my personal spell-check. This is why I love you.

@delrium:
i did not ask the question just let you get your facts straight

Hmm. True.

Then let me rephrase: You should care, you participated in the discussion.

@delirium:
well anyways its not point to argue, its just mostly opinions or facts on here so eh

I know! What kind of person wants to debate, um, opinions?! (never mind…)

O no, missbabyboo, some of the stuff in the discussion is dead serious factual,
for example all the examples Gail gave you of the many times in (recent) history
when people have been in hiding and to “tell the truth” about their hideouts would have been to bring about their deaths. Are you really, really not getting this? You seem to be
a sincere person. So unwilling to get off the entertainment addiction, though.

@susanc:
umm so like if to “tell the truth” of their hideouts then like that would be after they found where people are hidden then so theres no truth to lie about that..todays lying is not ok but back then because of wars and all, that was different..but nowadays, why should we all continue lying?

@baby: I am sorry to say that I cannot understand what you are trying to tell us. Your answer is really garbled.

@ missbabyboo The situations gail gave you are war related ones. Let me try to put this a little simpler to help you understand. If someone you loved was hiding from someone that wanted to kill them, and the killer asked you where they are, would you tell the truth and let the killer find them? Or would you lie to save their life?

@scamp:
thats true..but idk eh idk what im talking about right now and dont wanna care

I’ve been thinking about missbabyboo a lot, because she doesn’t know and doesn’t want to care, and yet asked such an important question for us to think about.
Missbabyboo has repeatedly striven to get us back on the topic she meant us to be on, which is, is it ever okay to lie under normal circumstances,meaning circumstances involving friendships and so on.
Here’s my answer. Yes. It’s fine. Just remember to keep track, or you yourself will
eventually be betrayed by the web of untruth.
Frankly, I don’t think that will happen to missbabyboo, because she is unwilling to lie in order to seem cleverer than she needs to be at this time in her life. And that is
a very good thing. Integrity is more lasting than information, which can always be had
when the time is right.
End of discourse.

@missbabyboo: I’m curious, do you get it now? I’m not trying to attack you or anything, I’m just wondering.

Wow

Wow?

Waste of words?

No.