How to handle neighbors who let their kids freeload in your backyard without asking?

Lock all gates from the inside so kids can get out, but not in. Your kids, and invited guests, can come in and out though the house.

I look at your question from a different perspective.

Our house use to be “the house” for the neighborhood kids to “hang out”. Wife and I were happy to have them. Sure, they ate us out of house and home and they were here just about all the time. We did not have a problem with this. Our two children were very popular in school. Their parents believed that hanging out here was safe for their children.

I would look at your situation this way: this will not last forever. These kids will soon be grown and gone and you will miss them.

I say “bite the bullit”. Be thankful they are playing at your house and not breaking into it.

That’s kind of funny. My Grandfather was orphaned as a kid, had nothing, and once he had a decent place to live, he always had people over for any occassion. Then, as I grew up our house was always the to go to house for everyone in the neighborhood and it continued with my brothers kids. Always had extras for dinner, over night, etc. We always enjoyed it. If you have a nice safe place share with others. You’ll get more than you give.

I understand the annoyance with the uninvited kids.
I also can see the value of the relaxed open door kind of style that @john65pennington and @Adirondackwannabe describe.
Perhaps you can find a happy medium.
Lock the gates so that the kids don’t have free reign, and then try to be relaxed about having the kids around when your children are outside.
Maybe you could talk to the parents about checking with you before they leave home and assume that you are watching their kids. Or ask them to have the kids check with you each time that they come over to see if it will be OK with you? Tell them that you can’t always be counted on to be there and that you worry about leaving their children without supervision.

I am a very private person and my home is my sanctuary. Having guests all the time would be unnerving for me. I also enjoy having my kids friends around, just not ALL the time.

Assuming these children are not old enough to be left alone, I would be just as irritated as you because of the parents leaving without warning. You might need to talk to the parents and let them know they need to check with you before they leave as you may have other plans and do not want to have to leave their children unsupervised. I would also be concerned that if something happened to one of the kids the parents would hold you responsible even though you did not agree to watch them.

Otherwise as long as the kids play nicely and follow the rules, you may be having a really positive impact on them which do not realize yet.

Makes ya just wanna lock ‘em in the basement for a week and see if their parents notice, huh?

Some simple ground rules and chat with the parents may be in order relative to emergency liability if they are left with you.
All in all, they are kids. If your children enjoy playing with them why would you deny your children that due to so inconveniences like that.
Try to remember your childhood. Who and where were the parents, kids and yards that you liked playing in? Who and where were the ones you didn’t like playing in?
I suspect this answer of your own may help you realize it is a good thing that they are playing where they are.
As long as they are being respectful of some simple rules on things that really matter, then you should be happy you have created a safe haven for them to play.

We live in a small neighborhood, and the kids here pretty much just run around everywhere, including my oldest daughter. They’re having fun, they’re staying in a safe neighborhood, and they’re not getting involved in anything dangerous.

A few times, other kids have asked if they could use the bathroom, or my daughter has asked if she could take snacks out, but I don’t mind. If I’m not feeling well, then I simply just say “no” to everything. If we’re leaving the house, I simply tell the kids, “We’re leaving, bye guys.”

There is one girl who comes over almost every day, and stays and stays and stays… I’ve just had to make it clear to her mother that she needs to be gone by 5:30 so my daughter can come in and finish homework and get ready for dinner.

It is irritating to you, but their kids probably appreciate you and your family, so I’d let it slide to a certain degree.

And that degree is that when the parents go to run errands, the kids have to go with them. You aren’t a babysitter.

Be nice to the kiddies though. You are giving them something they don’t get at home: attention.

Are the kids coming to play with your kids? If so, are you okay with having your kids go over there? Not all situations are symmetric. If you don’t trust that mom, or if your kids don’t want to go over there, it may not be that “equality” is an option.

The option of segregating your kids from theirs may be an unhappy one for your kids, too.

How big a deal is this really? You may see yourself as the patsy, but I’ll bet those other kids one day in the future will be telling stories about how you made them feel like part of a larger family – unless you lock them out of course. Is this keeping you from finishing your novel? Do you not have time because of these pesky brats to nurse your ailing mother? Did you tell the UN, “No, on that world peace initiative thing. Have to take the neighbor’s kids to the park…”

Here’s an idea. Pretend you live on the edge of a forest, and those kids are baby deer coming to see you. You give them treats, and clean up after them and in return they enrich your life and the lives of your kids. If you wanted, you could shoo them back into the forest and their own mother would take care of them. Would you?

I have an older daughter who comes home to an empty house for about 2 hours her friends used to come round all the time and leave rubbish and dirty pots in the.living room parents only came to pick them up at 530 6 o’clock it was getting rather frustrating until one day one of there mums got a bit uppity because her daughter had not told her where she was from then on it was a case of look I dont mind if they come round as long as they tidy up dont eat me out of house and home and parents know they are home alone and I have no control over what happens when I’m not there!

When I was little, my grandmother used to make cupcakes and other things for my friends, and she had a big yard that my friends would come play in. If she was taking me out, for example to the local museum, she would bring my friends. My best friend, who I’ve known since I was 3, still has fond memories of my grandmother, and because she did not know her own grandmother, she speaks of my grandmother as her own.

That said, I am a private person, so I cannot fathom this being my house. My house is quiet and I become alarmed if someone knocks unexpectedly, because I live in an out of the way place as far as my friends being able to just drop in, and my neighbors and I kind of all keep to ourselves.

I agree with what others have said – speak to the parents and tell them you don’t mind their kids coming over, but you would appreciate it if they would check with you before going out because you may be going out yourself and don’t want to have the dilemma of what to do with their kids when you leave. If the situation really irks you, you might suggest to the parents that maybe one day your kids can go play at their house, and see how they respond.

Those kids are a huge liability for you if anything were to happen to their kids while they are with you or on your property. People will sue anyone if it means they can get money out of it…

NEXT Time they leave like that, call 911 and report it.

There’s a big difference between being the house where your children’s friends want to hang out, and being the house in the neighborhood where all the neighborhood children are sent to “go play.” It really depends on equity of access—if your children are welcome at the neighbors and want to play there sometime, that’s fine. But if your kids don’t really like the neighbor kids, or if you find yourself dealing with behavior issues picked up from uninvited kids then it’s time to draw the line, with the parents, about what’s okay and not okay.

You need to talk to their parents about this. It’s just bizarre that they leave the kids in the backyard.

As far as the kids go, you could insist that they knock on the front door when they want to come over. That way you can more easily say it’s not a good time (if you want privacy), instead of having to get them to leave once they’re already in the yard.

Kids are most often innocents of obtuse, obnoxious parents ignorant of the net effect of their pawning off their kids to sponge off the neighbors. I say if you can accommodate these kids with no real burden to your schedule or budget then do so….these years will pass lightning quick and those kids will forever remember that nice mom of their neighbor friend.

If the burden is too great, you are only hurting yourself by not speaking up over the intrusion and ambush tactics of their kids coming over uninvited. Anyway you approach that….be prepared for an ungrateful reaction to your honesty. I know first hand.

Please feel free to post an update in the summer and let us know what you decided to do and how it’s working out.

JCA
The Update Lady

I like what @BarnacleBill wrote because it returns your sense of privacy and security so you can feel more at ease to decide if you want the other kids coming around to play with yours or not. As for the other kids tagging along when your family go to a park, do your object? If your kids enjoy the others then I’d bite the bullet as @john65pennington wrote but if your kids are also feeling put upon then I’d tell the neighbor kids you all are going for “family time” and will see them around another day.

Common courtesy goes along way even if it’s from the kids.
Please, thankyou that type of stuff. Anyway you are to be thanked for opening your heart to others, because they might not be getting that at their home. I agree totally with willworkforchocolate. Good luck and enjoy YOUR yard.

Inappropriate. Be very clear with the parents, it’s their fault, not the kids.

We are that house. We also had a family that seemed to take it a step too far. The mother would call on her way out of the neighborhood and ask if it was okay. One day I had to say “no, actually it isn’t.” She was so ticked off. Thing was, we were heading out and a sitter was there, with my son. My daughter was out with friends.

I decided I had to set some boundaries. While I don’t mind that we are “that” house, when it started ruining family time, I had to send out a note to the parents. I asked for a few things:

1. Please call me and make sure we are staying home and we aren’t busy.
2. Understand that Sunday is our designated family day. While we may be open to having kids over, it helps to call us first.

3. I need to know if you are leaving, for two reasons. One, if there was an emergency, I would need to know that you were not home. Two, if we were planning on heading out to do something, this would keep us from our plans or commitments.

Only one parent got a little bent out of shape. I think someone else said something to her. She later apologized.

I’m fine with providing snacks, to me it’s a trade-off. I don’t mind being the landing place for kids. I get a lot of insight into their world.

@12Oaks: are you serious about calling 911 and reporting it? would that help anything except make the OP the pariah of the neighborhood? and maybe told off about the unnecessary 911 report? and in addition, have some pissed off cops with their time wasted because children are in the yard?

I’m wondering now about calling 911 and having the police come out to get rid of the gophers in my front yard. Much harder to get rid of than children.

I can relate…wish I had the fence tho:) I know you feel torn over what to do and how to address it w/o having to deal with the attitudes in return…yet there’s a great need- you want your privacy, your family time, and less invasion from others. I feel all those things as I am having to deal with a similar case…neighbor’s kids just showing up…no one calls, or better yet, knock on the freakin door and ask if it is a convenient time. Really for me it’s, “there is a time and place for every thing”....everyone should respect that, but clearly some don’t.

I remember several years ago we were in the process of selling our house, we had an idiot realitor who actually told some kids in the neighborhood that they could use our pool (we had already moved out but the house was still ours). We were good friends with the neighbors who called us to inform us that there were about 15 kids (all under the age of 12) no adult supervision, swimming in our pool. My mom was so fucking pissed, she had the guy fired within a few hours.

Slightly off topic I know, but we would have been responsible if any of those little kids had drown or been injured in any way.