What would YOU do in this roommate situation?

Time to break up the arrangement and get them out. Maybe you and Josh can talk to them before he goes and you can give them a month to find someplace else. It isn’t working any more.

@janbb and @noelleptc That’s the exact solution that I’d like…for them to leave. However, since they haven’t yet not been able to pay a bill lately and they seem to be covering themselves (although I don’t know how), I feel like money can’t be the reason to let them go, can it? There’s no way they can afford a place alone, and they’re friends, so I feel bad for leaving them hanging, but something HAS to change.

If the little comments and jabs about our apparent shortcomings would stop, I wouldn’t worry about it until they couldn’t pay their way.

I agree with @janbb: they need to move out. If things get really dicey between you and these roommates then you and your fiance should move out together and leave them behind.

This is the major downside of having roommates. It sucks.

I assume you are renting and control the agreement or control the location of this “situation”
The pot has been boiling too long. The answer is clear. I think you know what you need to do.
Say it in as simple and as direct as you can. No drama. Set a date for when they are to be gone. Stick to the decision and consequences if they don’t.

@tranquilsea I’d much rather them leave than us leave. We have this place extremely cheap and everything else we looked at in this price range was in a trailer park (no thank you!). Josh has an amazing relationship with our landlords and we like the location.

I’d tell them right now that they have to leave, but all the “what if’s” are getting to me. Josh just got this job and if it doesn’t work out, we’ll be struggling big time. I don’t want to look like a fool if something bad happens like that. I know I can’t live on the what if’s, because you have to take chances in life, but I just don’t want to screw myself over.

@blueiiznh Well all of our names are on the lease, but Josh was the one that found the place and his name is first on the lease. And like I said, our landlords love Josh like a son and have even told us they’re worried our roommates won’t be able to afford their way.

My daughter and her boyfriend are in this situation now, and, they just resolved it yesterday by securing their own apartment and giving their room mate notice.

Their situation is not financial but personel, with their room mate taking advantage and not respecting boundaries.

Sounds like you two can afford your own place, a one bedroom maybe, which would save you money and get rid of the anxiety of the situation.

I’d start looking around for your own place, in my daughters case the landlord of the apts. is not going to charge them another deposit for moving to a different unit.

I’d formulate a plan, give the room mates as much notice as possible, say make your move date for June 1. or something and make it out to be more about the tow of you wanting your very own space rather than their issues.

I think this is your best option as giving them notice could turn into them not being able, or, refusing to leave.

It is always wise to exit any relationship before everyone hates each other.

Good luck.

A history of non payment is enough to set the course then with the landlord.

Evict them.

Let me see if I understand you correctly.

So you (you and Josh) are friends with the Landlord, but They are not.

You both have jobs, and could cover the rent on your salaries, if necessary.

There are no good living situations in your area for what you are paying now. If either of you lost your job, then you couldn’t afford the place on your own. So They are your security blanket.

However, you don’t know how they can afford to pay rent, and are afraid they will soon stop paying rent. They are friends.

If you evict them, you’ll probably lose friends and you lose your financial safety net. If you leave the apartment, who knows what your landlord will do, since They do not have a relationship with him or her.

It seems like what you want is for things to be nice with your friends again. You want the money problems to be ironed out, and you want communication to improve.

If that is the case, then you all have to talk. You all need to raise your concerns without fighting about them or getting defensive. You need to then figure out what you can do to meet as many of all your needs as possible.

What do they do with their time? Are they job hunting? How long can they afford to pay rent if they don’t get jobs? And what are the “who does how much of what” issues about? Is it because they are stressed or what?

Lot’s to find out. You need an arbitrator to help you. If you can’t have this talk and sort things out, you may wait until they stop paying rent, and then kick them out. If you do kick them out, you could potentially get other roommates to help with the rent.

You need to ignore the “what ifs”. This is not about the money anymore.

It is about being comfortable in your own home.

It is about living freely without jibes.

You need to tell them to move out. Have them collaborate on a date. Simply say that now that you and Josh are living together, the two of you want to be on your own.

That’s it. No explanations. No answering questions.

As to what if Josh loses his job? The you will get other roommates or move somewhere else.

As to what if theis causes you to lost the friendship? It sounds as though you have already lost it with their jibes and sniping.

Can they pay part of the rent, just not all that they’re supposed to? Maybe you can work out something where they do all the cooking and cleaning in exchange for you helping them out with their rent? Sounds fair….I think? They sound pretty immature, to avoid such a huge issue…..or, you could just be frank, and say, hey dude, why don’t you get off your ass and find a job. I’m not paying for you to live here anymore. Eh?

Have you ever searched for the word leeches, in the dictionary? I love using this word to describe situations as this. Your friends have found you two as an easy mark and they know it. I think you already know they need to go. They will stay as long as you and bf allow it.

On top of everything else, you are going to be left alone with these two and their personal problems. If their situation gets out of hand, then call the police.

You are going to have a tough time convincing them to leave. Since they have been living there a while, you will need to secure a Writ of Eviction on them. Once it is served, they will have 30 days in which to find another place to live.

I would advise them of your intentions. They may just get the hint and leave on their own.

@john65pennington This situation has happened to my brother 3 times (he’s a little slow on the uptake). His credit is ruined because roommate after roommate took advantage of him by saying they would pay this bill or that bill and then they wouldn’t pay it. Then they would stop paying their portion of the rent. Then they wouldn’t pay for food.

I am in school full time, most of which is field work at area high schools (a different one each day). Our car is busted and sitting in the driveway. I don’t know if there’s a bus system where you live, but ours works just fine for me to get around for school, and to and from work on weekends. My fiance covers the rent and bills with his full-time job (which he got despite being a parolee), and our two roommates cover their share working part-time at a bakery.

No matter how much you like them as friends, any excuse they give you is exactly that. If our life is rolling along under these conditions in this economy, what’s their excuse for not chipping in? Time for them to go.

I think you and Josh should find your own place and let them be on their own. They are adults (at least by age) and need to start acting like adults.

But, since they are friends, don’t just leave them stranded. Be sure to have a long talk with them about what’s going on and give them help and advice on how to be on their own or find new roommates.

Tell them they’re leaving, or you’re leaving, give them a deadline, and stick to it.

Do not stay in that situation, because sooner or later they won’t pay their rent. And if YOU’RE paying for the food, they shouldn’t be complaining about having to go pick it up. Hell for $150 a week in food, I would do all the grocery shopping, cleaning, and dishes.

@tedd Well, you see, here’s the thing. haha. Apparently they are spending just as much in food each week. I don’t know what they’re buying, but it’s not necessary. They eat more food than we do because they’re home a lot more often AND our male roommate is pushing 450 lbs, so he takes in quite a bit. If I was the only one grocery shopping, I would have definitely said something by now. It’s just that they think they’re contributing more than we are to the food.

@lbwhite89 If they are only supplying their own extra food, then that’s not contributing. If you and Josh don’t eat Mallomars and Doritos every day, they can’t count that food as contribution. That’s just to satiate their abundant need.

I’m not being hateful. I myself am a fatass. But Jiminy Christmas, when is it time for them to take care of themselves? Laziness is a pet peeve of mine.

Sounds like you’re in a relationship with them. Since you’re not, you don’t need the grief.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I agree.

Although you don’t want to move that may the easiest way to end this. That way you won’t have to argue with them about them moving out. You won’t have to deal with scenarios where they promise to be out by x day and then they’re still there past that day. You could also salvage as much of the friendship as you can because you can frame the move as you and your boyfriend needing time/space for yourselves. That may be harder to frame if they are the ones leaving.

It’s his house, so he needs to kick them out before he leaves for Ohio. That’s not something you should deal with on your own. If he doesn’t want to make them move, then you should move out yourself.

@BBSDTfamily The OP stated that all their names are on the lease.

In the real world, they would be kicked out. Especially if they had their own appartment or house. Your nice enough to deal with there crap, and like you said they haven’t paid or helped at all! Plus they are saying stuff behind your back.. Not cool… You should explain to them what you have on your mind, and maybe, say well if you don’t find a job by the end of this week, you gotta go cause i can’t handle this no more.. And of course, your man has to help! You guys should sit down with them and talk about it….

Excuse me for not reading all the above posts but it’s long and tiresome.

Take into consideration if they are friends for you two.
If they are then it’s a big issue because i wouldn’t like to be in their shoes [ when the chips are down .. then the buffalo is empty .. ain’t the real story but i really don’t want to be in their shoes because it’s lame to be abandoned by friends ]
If they aren’t your friends then it’s time for a complete separation. Start your life with your friend ^^

First of all, you and your fiance need to talk and be sure that you’re both on the same page as to how this should be dealt with. After that, you talk to the roommates and work something out with them.

You two need to be on the same page prior to that conversation so that you can consider and decide what to do with all of the “what ifs”. What if they move out right now? What if they get jobs? What if they get mad at any or all of your proposals (the ones you’ll offer in your 4-way discussion) and threaten to break up the friendship? (It’s a real possibility, and you need to consider it, if it’s not already broken.) Personally, I wouldn’t let a “friendship” be a hostage, but you need to work this out with your fiance first. You don’t want to find out too late that “he’d do anything” to preserve the friendship; that gets you to be the odd person out, and you’d be hosed.

When you think that you’ve figured out all of the possible scenarios and what you have to work with, then you have to decide how to deal with the “less than ideal scene”: You want them to have full-time employment, pay their rent on time and in full, share the housework, cooking and cleaning equally (or in whatever arrangement suits all of you), and be friends again. That’s the ideal scene. Since that’s unlikely, then what’s a good compromise for any or many of the missing elements?

If the friendship is already broken and they’re feeling abused (for who-knows-what reason), then there’s really no issue: They need to be out ASAP and you need to be safe and secure, whether or not you can comfortably afford the place. If that’s the case, then the next thing you and your guy need to do is consider alternate living arrangements for yourselves, or a discussion with the landlord (ahead of time) that things may be dicey if the extra tenants have to leave.

If they’re willing to keep the friendship but money is the only issue, then (if they’re reasonable about the value of their sweat equity), you should be able to work out a compromise that has them doing all or most of the day-to-day work, and you guys paying the bills – if you have already decided with your guy that this is an okay deal to make. (That’s why you want to be united before negotiations start. Otherwise, sharp and unscrupulous people can divide the two of you and win. You can’t afford that.)

If they present an alternative that you and your guy hadn’t considered and already agreed upon, then you need to agree (beforehand, again) that the negotiations will be tabled while you and he discuss it privately. You’re entitled to that, and reasonable people will understand. In fact, you and he should have a sign between the two of you so that either one of you can call a temporary halt for a sidebar conversation. Don’t let the two of you be divided!

If they’re not reasonable (as you seem to suggest) or if they think that they already have an axe to grind or that you’ve somehow already taken advantage of them, then that has to be settled first – or the negotiations are useless.

From a property management prospective:

You will need to get them out if you & Josh want to keep the apartment for yourselves. You could both talk to the Landlord about sending them a non-renewal, so that Josh can sign the lease on his own. This could only happen at the time of the lease renewal. You didn’t state when your lease will be up.

You will not be able to evict them, since Josh is on the lease and Josh can cover the rent on his own. If you and Josh decide to move, Josh would still be liable for the rent. Period. His name is on the lease.

This situation is exactly why we never rent to anyone in a roommate situation unless each person on the lease is able to afford rent & utilities on their own. We also explain upfront, that each person is 100% liable for the lease. Roommate situations are not recommended.

You didn’t state the ages of all involved. If after having a it down with them (as someone above mentioned), things are unsettled, calling a parent can sometimes help push change along. In most cases though, small claims court is where all of what you described can get hashed out.

If this were me, I’d sit down with Josh and try to figure out how much money they owe…both in rent, utilities and in “soft goods” (groceries, necessities). Then I would write down how much time you would like to be paid back in and what date you want them to move out by. If they can’t agree, then it’s on to filing a claim against them….KEEP YOUR RECEIPTS!

Terminate your lease and move. You will lose your security deposit. In the scheme of things, it will be far cheaper than carrying these freeloaders until next October. They need to move back in with their parents, if they will let them.

I once had crazy room mates. I came back from being away for a week to my room torn apart and the wardrobe knocked over (the boiler was behind it). The landlord was also aware of the condition my room had been left in, as he was present when they went in to get to the boiler!

I was in a contract, however, at least in the UK the tenant is entitled to ‘peaceful enjoyment of the property’ as part of standard tenancy agreements. I am not sure about the law in the States to an exact point – but I am sure there is some sort of clause in there that you would be able to bend in order to at least let the landlord you mean business and will be leaving.

I decided to not pay my last month of rent to the landlord (which equated to the amount of my security deposit). Once I had secured a new place to live, I told the landlord that the room mates and his conduct had violated my right to peaceful enjoyment of the property, and that I no longer felt secure in my home – and that I would be leaving within the day. The house also was violating some fire codes, so I also added in that I would be reporting the property for inspection on those issues.

Needless to say, I did not face any trouble regarding the contract. Be sure to read the clauses carefully in your contract and see if there is anything in there that can be used to your advantage. At least in the UK, most contracts regarding tenancy highly benefit the tenant. You have to also weigh up the fact that in many cases, the cost of the landlord coming after you for the remainder of the rent owed, or to enforce the contract would highly outweigh the actual benefit in monetary terms he would be able to receive.

In my opinion, it is best to bail as soon as possible in these room mate situations if things start to go south. The stress and cost you are liable to incur will be far worse than severing ties with these people and moving on.

If you are confused on your situation I would suggest you seek some legal advice, to find out exactly where you stand and if there is anything in your contract which could be used to your benefit to release yourself from the contract. If you are serious about severing ties with these room mates, think about having a letter sent to them by an attorney on your behalf if there are some grounds for an action like that.

* I read some more of your responses – if your relationship is that good with your landlord, express your concerns to him. I am sure that they will not want to lose you, as good tenants, so they will most likely be inclined to help you with your situation.

Give your deadbeat roomies a 30 day notice if you and your fiancee want to keep the present place that much. You can tell the roomies now that you two are engage, it’s time to start planning your future and saving for things, it’s been nice but time for them to go their way. If you two are fixed well enough with money then maybe it would feel good to look for and move into a new place, just the two of you.

I think this is problematic because you are all on the lease. I would talk to the landlord and tell him you would like them out. I am sure he may have some advice or know legally what can be done. I think he will try to help you since he likes you. Landlords also seem to like working people, as opposed to people who sit around the house all day. It’s not clear to me how your roomies can afford to pay at all when they don’t work.

My other idea is you can present to them that either you guys leave or they leave. I would explain that you don’t feel this arrangement is working.

If I were you, I’d rather deal with financial insecurity rather than being uncomfortable in my own home due to hostile roomies. I also would not appreciate working all day and coming home to negative comments.

I hear stories like yours and it confirms why I never wanted to live with a roommate.

I wish you luck and I think Fluther would appreciate if you post an update as to what decision you make and the outcome. Please keep us updated if you wish.

JCA
The Update Lady

It’s definitely a tough spot you’re in.

I’m hoping we won’t have to do anything from a legal standpoint. They really are good people in a lot of ways, they are just insanely lazy. Josh has been friends with them for over 6 years and they agree that friendship comes before the living situation. I know that people’s true colors come out in situations like what I’m considering, but I’m hoping it doesn’t go that far.

Josh and I decided to just let it go for now and then when he comes back from training and works a couple of weeks here, his job will be more cemented and we will tell them that we’d like to live alone and give them a 30 day notice. Since Josh found this place, has been here longest, can afford the rent alone, and has a relationship with the landlords, I think they will be the ones to leave. Even if they wanted to stay, our landlords know they can’t afford it and they wouldn’t feel comfortable having them as the only tenants here.

I didn’t want to leave it without saying anything about their comments to us, but I think it will cause less issues to just keep it simple. The next three weeks won’t be so bad because it seems that the things that get are their nerves the most is things that Josh does. I’m hardly ever here, so they really can’t complain about me. If they do, I have no problem sticking up for myself if given the opportunity.

So, we’ll see what happens and hopefully within the next two months or so, Josh and I will be living alone and much happier than we are now.

This brings up an interesting point in terms of selecting roommates. Perhaps the best reference to have when selecting a roommate is people they have lived with in the past. This includes shared apartments, dorm roommates, and even parents. It’s fair game to ask if someone is hard to live with, are they messy/noisy/dirty, do they pay their debts/obligations on time. This has nothing to do with an assessment of “nice”. There are plenty of people who are “nice” who are hell on wheels to live with.

@BarnacleBill Don’t get me started. Don’t even get me started.

@BarnacleBill Unfortunately, parents aren’t the best sources for that information. This couple had been living with his parents for over 5 years together. At that point, they learned to live together.

It wasn’t all about the “nice” factor. We put ads up for roommates, asked people he knew, etc. for almost a month and only found one person. However, he’s stolen from Josh in the past, so that was NOT happening. It came down to him really needing a roommate and he figured that at least he could trust this couple with his things. And we still can do that.

I don’t think this is something we could have avoided, considering he couldn’t pay it alone. Picking good roommates is important, but sometimes people’s true colors don’t come out until you’re already in a binding situation. Avoiding roommates altogether is the ideal way to go…if you can afford to do it.

Your living situation is a bit complicated because you’re sharing space with a couple that are friends of Josh. Also, I’m taking it there is no lease on the property? Do each of you pay money to the landlord or does everyone pay Josh and he then writes one lump sum check to the landlord? It sounds like technically Josh is the head of the house but without a written contract deeming anyone a legal occupant it can get tricky. If you all get along I’m sure asking the couple to leave and giving ample notice (30 days) should do the trick. I’ve been leasing a house for a little over 2 years and I rent out vacant rooms. I’ve had my share of roommates that either lag at paying rent on time and/or have messy/unpleasant habits. As a rule of thumb, if the roomie is causing problems (not paying rent on time or not picking up after himself/herself) I’ll usually give the person a couple of warnings to correct the issue. Then a final warning informing the person I will give them a 30 day notice to leave. At this point if there’s drama or the person still refuses to correct the issues, then I personally tell the person to leave within 30 days and in most cases they’ll do it. If it’s someone I’m not too familiar with or someone I don’t really trust, then I put the notice in writing. I’m not sure how close you are to the couple you want to move out but it seems to me they’ll probably move out if Josh gives them a 30 day notice to leave (verbal and/or written). Hope it all works out for you!

oops, just read some of your other posts and saw that you’re all on the lease..