What can I do if my brother is 3 years older than me and is really abusive to me and my mum?

Call the police and/or file a CPS report. If you are in school tell your teacher or principal – they are required to report it and can get you the help you and your family need. If he is abusive to you that is illegal, and a crime.

Do what you need to do to keep you and your mum safe. Report… get a restraining order if necessary. Violence doesn’t just stop without a reason to or intervention that is needed.

You need to tell your Dad. If he doesn’t protect you, tell another adult.

i dont think it serious enough to report to the police but im scared of we dont do something he will get worse and hurt more ppl including his girlfriend and my lil sister :/

So listen to me and tell your father.

I agree whole heartily with @janbb. You must inform your dad. First of all, you shouldn’t be afraid in your own home. Second of all, dad has a right to know.

Your mum may be enabling this situation by not telling dad.

This is why you should do something now before it gets to that situation because it WILL NOT get better without any intervention of some sort. It never gets better on its own. Please make a step even as hard as it is to think of doing because if you don’t and it gets worse you don’t have to blame yourself for not doing anything. I don’t want to guilt you and I can only imagine how difficult a position you are in and are going through emotionally but this is serious. Even your dad…Steps need to be taken… if you don’t feel strong enough tell a responsible adult and let them take the steps or assist you in taking the steps to keep you and your family safe. YOU ARE WORTH IT!!!

Where did he learn this behavior?

i would tell dad but im scared wat he will do :/ im trying to get mum to come with me to a local town councilor to get some advice on what do to but she thinks if my bro found out he willl respond negatively and probs get worse,
i dont feel comfortable telling my closest friends and other family members
and thanks , my bf has spoken to his parents about it but not saying it was me in the situation and they gave some really good advice which has helped alot.
and MyNewBoobs what do u mean where did her learn this behavior?

@rebecca_harris9 If you won’t tell your dad, then tell a school counselor, or a relative.

You dad is an adult and he is a parent. He has a right to know.

Put yourself in your dads shoes. Wouldn’t you want to know if your son was beating up on your wife and threatening your daughter? Things are already negative in the consequences so think of it that way. Where did he learn this behavior? that means… where did he learn to treat women this way? Remember… YOU AND YOUR MUM ARE WORTH IT! nobody has the right to harm you emotionally or physically… as hard as it seems… YOU ARE WORTH IT.

thanks but sometimes i dont feel like i am :/
im not sure where he got it from cause none of my other family members that i know of have hurt other family members, i think my dad knows he gets agressive but doesnt know tht he hits my mother,
my bf says the same sorta things to me and i wouldnt have made it this far with out him
i have decided that on monday im going to the school councilor and tell him whats been happening at home and hopefully he can help :)
and i guess my bro cant be that bad seeing he is still in school

You are making a good choice and if your counselor is worth his/her salt they will take the proper steps for action and help. Your brother is still young and can make changes to better his life at this point. You could be a part of that change for him and maybe other relationships in his life later on. I have worked in this area and know that sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t but if you don’t try, you will never know. I wish you the best and send up a prayer for you and your family. I will never forget a counselor in rehab telling me to tough it out and fight the fight… YOU ARE WORTH IT… that is what he said and it sticks with me today when I want to give up a difficult situation in sticking up for myself. YOU ARE WORTH IT! I can’t say it enough.

Thank you so much for your advice, it has helped alot and I’m sure the councilor will be able to help me. I went to him a couple fo months ago when one of my really close mates died at the age of 13 from a house fire and he organised for me to go to the funneral with him and everything. I guess I’m lucky to have an amazing boyfriend and great people in the world to help me :) once again thank you :)

I am sorry you are going through this Rebecca. I think you are very brave and wise to ask for advice though. You do need to speak to someone who can actually get involved and get you some help. It must be frightening to think your brother could get in trouble, but he can’t continue to hit your mum or threaten you. I am puzzled by why your dad hasn’t noticed the bruises on your mum though. Speak to the school counsellor and I hope everything works out.

My dad did notice the big bruise on mums arm last night and mum just said she ran into the coffee table.
My brother only does it when its just him and mum or when its just him and me, he has never done anythign infornt of my dad and my lil sister which is good because she shouldnt have to see al of this at 11 years old :/
and i have decided that i really do need to tell someone before it effects me to much

You know, your dad is there to protect you too. I am sure he would want to know this is happening. He is your dad, but your mum is his wife and he loves her and your brother is hitting her. So, think about whether you should talk to your dad.

i think i might talk to the councilor first and then see where i go from there, i trust the councilor with my life, no so much with my dad… its a complicated relationship

You are living it so do what you feel is the right thing. The counsellor is a great place to start. Take good care.

thanks for all of the advice, i will keep updating on what happens :)

Yes – definitely talk to the counselor if that is who you trust.

Your dad needs to know. Anything else you do, he will find out. If police show up at the door, he’s going to feel like a fool that you and your mother didn’t trust him enough to tell him what’s going on. Then there will be an even bigger problem. Why is your mother enabling this behavior? Your brother is doing it because he is being allowed to do it.

Does your father hit your mother and you as well?

You need to tell a trusted adult like a teacher or school counselor. You should also continue to urge your Mom to tell your dad.

Tell your mom that you are afraid of your brother, and you want her to protect you from him.

I am sorry that you are going through this.

somehow, some way, he needs to get into anger management.
God knows what can happen if this is left unchecked.
You need to make sure some authority is tol. You do not want this resting on your soul if you don’t get the information to authorities and he does something more serious to someone.
For everyones sake and mostly your brothers. He has a serious problem.

Please let us know what happens, OK? We really care.

@BarnacleBill no my dad doesnt hit my mum, im not in a very abusive family its just my brother. dad has kicked him out a number of times now but some reason thy keep letting him back in. he gets kicked out for lying to mum and dad and waggaing school.
@snowberry once i speak to the counselor i will post more on this and tell you what happens.
@blueiiznh i’m pretty sure he would never go, he does boxing training and he fights profesionally at state comps. mum thinks by doing this he can take his anger out on other ppl

@rebecca_harris9 Good! Please do report back to us.

Definitely talk to someone at school. Maybe talk to your brother’s girlfriend. Do you think he’s abusive toward her? Does she act oddly around you guys, or show any other signs (physical or emotional) of abuse? If no one in your family is abusive, he’s gotta be learning this behavior from somewhere. He needs help or it’s going to get worse.

okay my brother got dumped by his girlfriend last night and im not sure why but im sure he doesnt hurt her and im going to speak to the counsoler at lunch :) in about and hour :)

Good luck. Keep us posted.

will do :)

How did it go?

I’m sorry to hear what happened. What a douchebag.

@rebecca harris9 has quit fluther.

I think Rebecca is using another name. Haven’t seen her under that one for a while though. Hope she is okay, she is a sweetie.