How do I convince my mom to let me move out?

Just wait. In less than two years you’re free to move out. It’ll go by in a flash.

It’s very important to most mothers for them to get to live with their children, to be able to be with them and see them and help them, and in two years she will probably not get to see you very much.

What have you worked hard for and gained by being where you were, that you say your mother is ruining for you and your sister by moving? Friends and relationships with people?

If you are certain you want to move away from your mom and sister, I think your best chance is to explain the things you need and want to her, as well as how workable it will be to move away and how you have thought of everything and will be well taken care of and how you will still see her and her sister a lot.

@LeighLake By moving she’s ruining everything my sister and I have worked for and have ever known.

By your moving out, your mom would lose everything she has worked for.
Trust me, at 16 you need your mom more than ever. Stay with your Mom, and trust her.
You will never forgive yourself if you did this.

Welcome to Fluther.

It’s incredibly conceited (and hyperbolic) for you to think at your tender age that “everything my sister and I have worked for and have ever known” will be lost or ruined by moving to a new school. Get real.

Yes, it’s a slight hardship to move to a new school district and have to start over with new teachers and friends, and certainly your mom and her fiance recognize this and should make some allowance. It’s a disruption to the life you thought you had to look forward to for the remainder of your high school years. You’ll get over it. And you should get used to it, too. This is life in the 21st century. You’ll be moving, very likely, for much of the rest of your life, taking new jobs where you find them and dragging your family (if you’re lucky) or only memories of it (if you’re not so lucky) with you.

Here’s something else to consider: If you don’t move with your mother now, then it’s likely that you will never be more than “a visitor” in her new home. And however that makes you feel, it will make her feel awful.

Take heart that you’re not going to be the only one in your situation in your new class, and know that you can adapt. It’s not like you need to learn an entirely new set of customs, language and food. If you don’t adopt “attitude” about it – and I hope for the sake of your entire family that you don’t – then you can make the adaptation fairly quickly, and painless for all. (Yes, there will be some things that you’ll absolutely hate about the move, no doubt. But if you’re open to admit it, there will be some great things happening, too.)

The upside is that by the time you graduate high school you’ll have a wider circle of friends than you would have had otherwise, because there’s no reason that you can’t visit your old friends as easily as you would have visited your mother.

You can do this; you should do this. It ain’ no thang.

Change is really OK….roll with the punches and the cards you have been dealt. Visit your current friends on the weekends. I took the train to meet my buddy after we made the big move at that age and 30 years later we still meet up. Things will work out they most always do.

Is the school you’re in right now better rated than the one you’d go to if you moved away with your mother?

Does your mother work? If she does, will it be a farther drive for her to work from where she plans to move?

Does the fiancee work out where your mother wants to move you all?

Does the man own a house there that you all will be moving into or does he rent?

Why I ask is because my own future stepchildren were uprooted an hour away from their top rated schools, longtime friends and familiar haunts when their mother moved them all to live with her lover and there are a lot of anger issues now.

Research your school and see if there is leverage with which to bring up the subject to your mom of looking out for you and your sister’s education by asking the man if you all can move into a rental by where you live now.

sigh I moved out of my house when I was 16 (I was forced by law, but I wanted to) and let me tell you it would of been a lot easier on me and my bank account if I would of just been able to stay at home. Not worth it, really not. By moving in with your mom you’re not going to lose anything really.You’ll still see your friends, you just wont be able to walk to their house. Really. I’m telling you this from the other side. You’re 16, two years and you’re free to do whatever, if you move out now not only are you bringing pain and hurt feelings to your mother but you’re taking an unnecessary step too early in your life. Don’t grow up too fast, honestly, it’s not worth it. If I could have lived with my mother I would of.

P.S. You’re saying by moving your mother is “ruining” everything you’ve worked hard for? You’re 16, there’s more important things than friends and the life you’ve built up for yourself at school and that’s your family. Your mother’s not ruining you’re life, if anything she’s trying to better your life.

Welcome to Fluther!

You are 16, not 18 and the law states that you are a minor and that makes your mother and father your guardian over everything, including where you live.

I understand your personal situation, but until you hit 18, there is nothing that can be changed to make you happy. UNLESS, one of your parents agree to this.

Will next year be your junior or senior year? If it’s your junior year, as hard as it is to imagine, it will work out. You just can’t see it now. Keep an open mind, get to know about the new school, clubs, etc. There are plenty of people who have moved during the school year, switching schools, and it works out.

Does your father live in the community that you’re in now? Is living with him an option? Your friends may be okay with you living with them, but their parents may not be. Taking on the responsibility for another person’s teenaged child can be a lot of responsibility. It can work, but everyone has to understand that it’s not like going to a friend’s house for a sleepover.

Look, it seems like a much bigger deal than it really is. You need to quit being selfish and think about all that your mom has on her plate right now. Do you really want to make things harder on everyone? There’s a lot she would have to give up if you moved in with some friends. Things will be different for you but different isn’t bad.

Look, back in 2000 or so, I had to move 15 minutes away from the town I had always known and all my friends. I was going into 7th grade which meant that I was about to start my first year of junior high football. I was so excited! I went to football camp and did everything to get myself prepared. Then, about a month before the start of school, we moved. My mom still worked in the town I went to school in before but my parents wouldn’t let me go back. I was pissed over it for a long time and everything I did showed that for a while. I went from being a straight A, GT classes student to a near failing in every subject one. By my senior year, I actually liked it better.

My point is, moving and changing schools isn’t that bad. Let it go and do your best to make it as easy on everyone as you can, including yourself.

I won’t go into detail as others have answered but I think you could think about your mom and what she needs in her life. You must be very important to her or there wouldn’t be an issue. You are so young and in time things will be just fine you will find often times in life that you have to make choices and those choices do effect everything in your life. You mom is making one go with her on it and you will be fine.

Fact from fiction, truth from diction. I do not know what state you live in and what is the age of consent there. You said you do not want to emancipate yourself from your mother, essentially getting a divorce from her, but you don’t want to have to give up the connections you have made all these weeks and months, maybe years. Your mother on the other hand want to keep the family together, you and your sister are her children. If you had a pet you had to give up to move to another town, etc how easy would it be for you to just say ”can’t take him with me, so I guess I will learn to get along without him or seeing him just ever so often”. You’d find that hard, so your mother would find that 100 times harder because you are way more than some pet.

How do you balance what you want with what she wants? If both of you are willing to work at it a solution can be made, keep in mind no one will get totally what they want but maybe enough to keep the peace.

You are afraid of being trapped, no mobility because you will have to rely on others for rides or have limited chance to drive yourself. Ask your mother if she will be willing to match you dollar to dollar on buying your own car. That way you can live in the new place but have a way back to visit your old stomping ground.

Ask for more use of one of the family’s vehicles and map out a way to get back to your old stomping ground using surface streets and avoiding the freeway.

If that is not possible come to some agreement as to what times is permissible to be on the freeway, such as, not during rush hour or after a certain hour.

In conjunction with vehicle access you might ask for the concession to stay overnight at your friend’s house on weekends so long as you reserve one weekend (or maybe two depending on the agreement) for being at home.

Or you can get it agreed that your friends can come to you and pick you up and that you would help with the petro.

Those are just a few logical solutions you can try. If you play it as experience of being on your own (which may happen in a couple of years if you leave for college) and not so much as you just not wanting to have to adapt yet again she may see more logic in it, because in a few years she might have to “let go” anyhow because you would be free to do as you please. If you make this situation seem more as a life bonding things and not a wedge she might be more apt to see it closer your way also.

Very, very few 16-year-olds are mature enough to live on their own. You may think you’re mature, and you may be mature for your age, but all that aside, you’re still 16.

Your friends who’ve said you can live with them: Do they live with their parents? Are their parents really okay with your living with them? Would you have to pay rent or otherwise contribute to the household?

Your stepsister with whom you say you can live: Does she live with a parent? How old is she? Again, would you have to pay rent or bills?

Do you have a job? Are you able to make enough money working part-time to support yourself (i.e. rent, phone, clothing, food, transportation)?

You said: “I can’t move in with my dad because he’s incapable of taking care of me.”
Who, then, would “take care of you” if you didn’t live with your mother?

There are too many unknowns here for me to be able to give you any real advice.

I’m not even kidding when I say, when you go to college you won’t talk to 98% of your friends from high school. I swear it.

The good friends (which are the ONLY ones you should be worried about) are in that 2%, and you will be in touch with them for a long time to come, so don’t worry about it.

What you’ve said here, in a nutshell, is that your friends are more important than your family. And if you don’t think you feel that way, then you should be able to live with your parents and drive to visit your friends. Heck, if you are able to “visit” your mom, I’m sure you can visit your friends. . .

When you are able to support yourself, and pay the rent on your own room or apartment, you will not have to convince anyone, you simply do the deed. Check into the emancipation rules of your area.

since your only 16 you don’t really have to move out, try to wait two more years to take your chance to move out,,

@zendielacson She didn’t say she had to move. She wanted to, because her Mom is moving and she doesn’t want to leave the town she was raised in.

Everyone has a perfect point, but I know it’s hard to grasp. In two years you’ll be graduating and moving then, one way or another. You won’t see your friends the way you do know. Moving away now will have the same effect, but it’s just happening two years earlier. PLUS there might be a Great Adventure AND a Prince Charming in the new town! Could be! Also, an hour isn’t that far. I’m sure your Mom will drive you back quite often, for weekends and stuff….

A neighbor of mine did exactly what you are thinking of doing when her family moved to a new state, and everything worked out fine for her. She was 16, her father got a new job, and she moved in with her best friend’s family so that she could stay in the same school. There were a lot of reasons for her to stay, and it’s rather rude of everyone to assume that your reasons are silly or that you couldn’t have made anything of your life yet because of your age.

My neighbor stayed so that she could continue being a star player on a championship soccer team. She went to college on a soccer scholarship and now makes a hefty salary. Had she moved with her family, she would have gone to a school with no soccer team and never been scouted. No scholarship, no career (at least not one like she has now).

Now, you say that you have friends willing to take you in. Do you mean that their families are willing to take you in? You don’t want to just live with a bunch of other 16-year-olds. That would be problematic. But if you’re living with another family that cares about you, I see no real problem so long as you work out the logistics in advance. Your mother is nearby (much nearer than my neighbor’s family was), and you can visit frequently. It’s only out of the way for a school bus.

You know, I think lots of kids her age do exactly that, @SavoirFaire. Is it really much different than what an exchange student faces? Easier, actually, because Mom is still only an hour away.

What does your mother think of the idea @LeighLake?

I’m not really one to pass judgement, but this topic kinda sounds like a whining topic. Growing up is supposed to happen, and along with getting older comes changes. If you can’t handle moving away but still going to the same school as your friends where you’ll still be able to hang out, then when you turn 18 and all your friends go their separate paths is going to kill you. Trust me, I was one of the popular kids in my high school and when I left to join the military I ended up only talking to like 5 people. I truly do understand your need to be closer to your friends, but all in all it is your parents decision. There’s no other way but to except it as it is and just make the minor adjustment. From the sounds of it, you don’t even have a reason for wanting to move out, your just having a tough time adjusting to a new situation.