What are the red flags to be aware of when dating a widower?

If he talks all the time about his wife, is not open to doing new things, and if you feel he is not seeing you as a person.

Upfront, the most important project you both must overcome is understanding. You divorced and he is a widower. Once you both understand that you both have lost something in your life, you should be able to carry on together.

Please remember that 40 years of marriage, for him, is not going away….ever. You just have to learn to accept it or find some way to work around it, for the sake of both of you.

This is extremely tough for him and you. But, together as a team, you should be able to face the hurdles and either go over or around them.

I think at under a year out he’s definitely still grieving. He’s probably wanting to find someone to help fill that void and to get out of the house…. but understand that it will be a great deal of time before you can replace his wife (even if just in the sense of filling that void).

I would think that he will always have that strongest connection to someone he lived with for that long and that now he is looking for companionship. I think he can love you and be attached to you also but he will never be over her.

Something I would say to this as a caution: Men that were married for 40yrs, and find themselves alone are often looking to remarry quickly.

I have witnessed this over & over. It is often shocking to the family (especially the child of the widower). Often the men can’t bear the loneliness.

If you are looking to date, and not remarry I suggest making that be known upfront.

This answer based on thin air, and damn little of that.

He have kids? He open with his kids?

I agree 40 years with someone molds a person. But that doesn’t mean he won’t be a good mate. Maybe he spent the last 35 years compromising to be with her, and you’ll find in him someone who is eager for new experiences.

You could test: ask him to do something you like that you know is outside his comfort zone. If he says, “I don’t want to,” that’s a red flag. If he says,“She would never have asked me to do that,” run for the hills.

An urn on the mantle would be one…

Well, folks, I had to show him the door. I could not ride his emotional roller coaster anymore. The 1 year anniversary was at the end of April and he and his adult kids hit the wall and had melt downs. Add Mother’s Day to the mix and I had to exit stage left. Too bad, I was so enjoying his company. As I reread your posts, I see you all were spot on with the red flags. Thanks for all the advice.

Sorry it didn’t work out but thanks for the update.