Would you rather have a child or a pet?

Well I have both. I suppose it depends on how financially well off I am. If we were better off, I’d want the child. For now, we’ll just get a pet snake next month.

Can I have both since I have both?

I have 2 daughters and 2 cats

The cats came first though

I would have loved to have had a child.

Having both, I can honestly say that the period where children pee on your carpeting and furniture is much, much shorter than with animals. While obedience school is less expensive than college, the vicarious experience is not quite the same as with kids. Generally, with kids, if they smell, they can take their own bath. And the outfits for kids are much cuter. And they tell better jokes.

My vote is for a child. They are both the same amount of maintenance, but the pets keep dying on you every few years or so, and children usually don’t.

It is the same to me.
But I would have a cat, because it is cuter.

At this point, a pet. Specifically, a cat. That may change in the future. :\

You can only chose one! Having both takes the fun out of it… cheaters

A pet. A kid is too much work for me.

I have 2 kids of my own, and a step-daughter. I have had 2 cocker-spaniels and a flame-point himalayan cat.
The pets were nice, but nothing can compare to the joy of having and raising children.

Pet , and a cat at that (were I not allergic). That’s about all I can handle right now, in the “taking care of a small sentient being” department.

Oh, God, a pet. Sooo much a pet. I really have no interest in having children – it just seems like a nightmare experience. And cats will never, ever tell you “I hate you! You’re ruining my life” when you don’t let them go to a party that won’t have adequate supervision.

A pet. Much easier and more socially acceptable to find a new home for it if it gets to be too much to handle.

@MacBean I like that!

GA’s you guys

At this point in my life, definitely a pet. Pets don’t talk back, and if I go home for the weekend, I can ask a friend to look in on my cats. People don’t look too kindly on leaving the kid alone in the apartment ;)

I had both for many years, now, no, no more kids, ever, unless they are grandkids.

2 cats and 2 geese is a great balance.

I don’t want a man anymore either….full liberation has been attained. lol

I definitely want cats when I have my own place. I haven’t made my mind up about kids yet, though, so for now… pets.

I have 1 child, 1 dog and 1 cat. Let’s assume I had none of these, but with the knowledge of what each experience is like, I would have a child, hands down. Without that knowledge (not knowing what I’m missing) I might very well choose a cat.

I love my cat – have had her 14 years now and she has seen me through two marriages, a divorce, several moves and roommates… I could not possibly love an animal more. She is so cozy when she snuggles, very low maintenance, just playful enough to be fun but not annoying, “talks” to me all the time, comes to comfort me when I cry, AND she likes taking baths.

My daughter is high maintenance, time consuming, full out at playtime, a non-stop chatterbox, always testing her limits and getting attitudes. Some days I find myself reminiscing about the days when cleaning the litter box was as hard as it got; However, a snuggle from my girl is 1000 times better than the best cuddle with my cat. Hearing “I love you, Mommy” or a great big belly laugh from her makes my heart skip a beat like a cute little “mew” never could.

It comes down to this: you get out what you put in. If you want the ease of a pet, which will always be more than a child, you will get the love a pet can give. If you want the love of a child, which will always be more than a pet (simply because animals have limitations), you have to do the work. Either choice is perfectly fine. There is nothing wrong with people who do not want kids.

Now, in my current situation, the only thing I could possibly take on is another dog. More work than a cat, but the adjustment would be far easier. My cat would have a flat out hissy fit for months if I brought another cat into this house. She’s still a little miffed about the kid.

I have both but if I really had to choose now, for now, I would go with a pet. I love my children but I don’t want to be an old parent to a young child. Dogs and cats don’t live so long and in my family, they are treated as furry children anyway.

I currently have one of each.

If you’re asking me whether I would rather have another child or another pet then I’ll say pet (I’m old enough to be done with child-raising, though I wouldn’t complain too much about being a grandparent).

If you’re asking me whether I would give up the child or the pet I already have, the answer is just no.

I’ve never wanted children, but I love animals, they are very important to me. I have one big giant kitty.

Kids make me nervous, they’re way too demanding and most of the ones I know are always dirty (with actual dirt, snot or sticky food all over them) and a few of them are extremely spoiled and they say mean things. And they are way too loud. I enjoy a lot of solitude and zen-like experiences, kids don’t fit into that.

Dogs and cats and bunnies, do require a huge commitment (which I am absolutely willing to give) but they love you, no matter how fat you might get, or how bad your breath might be or if you have a bad hair day and they are always happy to see you and be with you. I’ve never been disappointed or disgusted by an animal. I can’t imagine living without animals.

Definitely pets, if you get one you don’t like, you can kill it or give it away. Society frowns on doing that with children.

Well behaved rent a kid or nieces and nephews in small doses are okay for short periods of time!

I would rather (and do) have the child. Personally, I am not pet friendly and would probably not give them the attention that they need. I say that because I have had pets before and the poor things did not fair well in my house.:(

My sons are my companion animals.

My current state – unwed and working towards proper employment – is more conducive to pet ownership. I would eventually like a few of each.

Neither of ‘em. I wouldn’t be able to handle them.

I always felt like one day I would have a child, and although I did not have a strong urge to have one, I felt like it would be great. I always bought children’s books and videos, for the day I might have one. It was not my life’s goal, but it was in the back of my mind. When I was in my late 30’s, I had a real awareness that my clock was running out, but I also felt like if I did not give birth to a child of my own, that would be ok too. i have money, i have traveled, and I live a good life. In my line of work, working with abused children, I thought maybe if my clock runs out, a child might come to me another way. I also used to feel like maybe I will never have a child in any way, and that would be fine, I would just have a good time with my life and make it work. Then I met my daughter’s father at age 40 and got pregnant at 41. He passed away soon after she was born, so I am truly a single parent.

I have always had cats as an adult, and I love them like children (or so I thought).

Having a child is an incredible amount of work and I am very grateful when she goes to my parents’ for a few days, to give me a break. I have found that there’s nothing like having a child, however. Lots of work, lots of money spent on them, always testing your limits, making a mess, and they don’t come with owners’ manuals! But so much fun, so rewarding, and there’s an intense love for them in a way that is not there for pets. I really love my cats, I feel very responsible for them, but it does not even compare to the feelings for a child.

I feel like for people that have never had children of their own, they don’t know what they’re missing. On the other hand, I totally understand people not wanting to have children, and there are many great reasons not to have them. To each his own, but you don’t know till you try!

Well I have both, but if I had to choose between them? Bye bye puppy-dog. Nobody gets between me and my Boopachetta.

@marinelife: And you would have been a fabulous mom I’m certain.

@Facade, dogs are pre-children training. Cats are practice for having your in-laws live with you.

I’m not ready for children yet, but I want a family someday. Before that happens, I want to make sure I’m ready to be the best parent I can be. Right now, I’m a parent to an adorable tortoiseshell cat and that’s about all I can handle.

For me the question would be better asked “Would you rather have a child or an animal?” and I would prefer an animal every time.

I don’t want kids. I don’t think bringing kids into this country or this world is a good thing to do. They are boring, whiny, smelly, loud, messy, etc. Expensive. They can talk, I don’t like that. They can ruin your lives, as I did my parents’ lives. High-maintenance. Very high-maintenance.

@Kardamom I always referred to that dirt as “kid funk” because who knows what’s really in that mess. And why does it always smell like chocolate milk is in the mix when no chocolate milk was really involved? I’ll be honest – kid funk gave me serious reservations about having a child. I feel so ridiculous about that, it really is true. Parents can help with this, btw. Wipe your kid’s nose! Babyfood all over the place is not cute.

I thought it would be different with my own child – and it was. But ONLY with my own child. My friend jokes that God gave me the most funk-free baby ever just to make sure I would take care of her. She never spit up and, to this day, she has only had diarrhea once and only thrown up 3 or 4 times. Thank you Jesus! I still don’t like to babysit or have snotty kids toddling around me with big wet globby boogars that could smoosh up against me at any time. eeeewwww

Example: We were at the safari park the other day and my daughter was feeding a llama that sneezed right in her face. We’re talking chewed up food, saliva and snot sprayed from the child’s forehead to waist. I was on that so fast your head would spin, wiping it off with my hands and shirt. Another child? I would probably have changed seats to move away – although I would clean the kid up if no one else did.
ok, off topic, sorry. glad we are in social

”They are boring, whiny, smelly, loud, messy”

@ladymia69: Well just so long as we’re not making sweeping generalizations about all children. ~

I’ll give ya one though…they do all talk.

@cprevite That’s my opinion. Not making it out to be a fact. I don’t really understand what you’re trying to say in your response to me.

@ladymia69: Only that to say, “They (children) are boring, whiny, smelly, loud, messy” is no different than saying “They (women) are emotional, clingy, flaky, selfish” or “They (men) are oafish, dumb, horny, neanderthalls”.

All opinions sure, but basically sweeping generalizations that have only a passing resemblance to reality.

But you are entitled to your opinion surely.

A cat.

Not as loud, not a messy, less back-talk, and far less expensive.

@jerv you haven’t met my cat. He back-chats constantly. He isn’t messy though I agree.

@cprevite All children are first babies. Babies do make a loud noise when unhappy, they learn to whine to get their needs met when very young, they are kinda boring (they’re not exactly debating you on politics), they soil their diapers, and they haven’t yet learned to be clean and neat. Not all children are always are boring, whiny, smelly, loud, or messy, but they all go through a phase of being that way, and you can’t get to a child that’s 9 years without first having it be 9 weeks.

A pet. More specifically I’d rather have a dog over any other animal (human included).

@MyNewtBoobs: You make an excellent point (although “boring” might be subjective).

Now that you say that, I realize, I’m not a fan of that newborn stage either.

But in my case, we adopted my daughter when she was one and bypassed that whole stage you describe (although, there were certainly other challenges).

So when it was said that “They are boring, whiny, smelly…” I hadn’t considered newborns.

@cprevite Babies are really much more interesting if they’re your own.

@MyNewtBoobs: As opposed to a neighbor’s or a friend’s? Not sure what you mean.

@cprevite I mean, if they’re your own child, you find it amazing that your child has the ability to hiccup and laugh and roll over. If they aren’t, you’re really kinda counting down till your friend with a newborn is done showing you the entire roll of film capturing a yawn. Do you not find your own daughter’s accomplishments vastly more fascinating than a neighbor’s or friend’s child?

I used to think babies were boring until I had one. Then you find they’re not boring, they are expressive and they do stuff, they change (look-wise) every day, they change (ability-wise) every day.

When I was pregnant, my coworker told me “when you have a baby, you will just stare and stare at her, and she’ll be so beautiful it will make you cry.” She was right.

Also, speaking about how they soil their diapers, I remember before I had one, I used to see moms bent into their cars, changing the baby’s diaper, and I would feel bad for them. I used to say to myself “look at all the effort, bent into the car, in the cold, heat, whatever. So much work! Such a hassle!” Then when you have one, you realize it’s just something you do, and you want to do, because you want the child to be happy and healthy, the way you take care of your own personal needs. The same way when you have cats you change their litter, and it’s just par for the course.

Believe me, I may sound like mushy mom of the year but I’m really not (in real life). I am more than happy on the days my daughter goes to my mom’s so I can go shopping or have some free time, it’s SUCH a relief. But again, you don’t know till you have one what a pleasure it all is, in exchange for all the work!

At this point in my life a pet. Kids take stamina , effort and patience. But… I would not want to live my life without ever being pregnant, though. I’d feel a tremendous loss if I had not experienced it. It was glorious. And taking care of babies is INCREDIBLY satisfying, much , much more so than caring for a pet. But to have a child NOW? They’d have to take me off on a stretcher. is stretcher the right word?

One thing about kids is you don’t expect to out-live them.
With pets, you almost certainly will.

And to add to that @filmfann, a child will take you shopping and help wipe your ass when you are 90. ;)

No doubt about it, I’d rather have children. Nothing else compares.

If I have to pick one, I’d have another child, @Facade. I love me some boring whiny dirty messy expensive goodness.

@jca That may be fine for you, but bear in mind that not all of us have the same patience that you and @Simone_De_Beauvoir have. When you can get away with changing your kid once a day or less, the diaper becomes a non-issue, but there are other issues as well.

There are many things in my life that I thought would be worth the hassle but only pissed me off. Some got given away in disgust, and many got broken in anger/frustration. I don’t think that either is something you can get away with doing with a child, so I think it best if I stick with cats.

And to ALL of you who say, ”...you don’t know till you have one what a pleasure it all is..”, you are generally nice enough people that I wish I could find a gentler, more polite way to tell you all to fuck yourselves. I think the best I can come up with is “That is your opinion”, but I may resort to the cruder option if anyone else tries to change my mind. (I have in the past.) I wish I could just get people to stop feeling sorry for my wife and I because we are childless by choice, stop telling us what a great time they are having, and all that. I have had many jobs that I bullshitted myself into enjoying just so I didn’t get depressed, homicidal, or just plain go insane; I am not convinced that you are actually happy.

@jerv: my, my, how unnecessarily nasty you are. Did I or did I not make it quite clear in my first answer that I “totally understand people not wanting to have children of their own, and there are many great reasons not to have them?” Did I try to talk you into having a child? No, I stated why I like having one, I also said I was on the way to not having one and that would have been fine, and I, too am a pet owner and I understand all that. I also clearly stated the amount of work that being a parent is, and all the negatives. I laid out plusses and minuses and did not try to talk you or anyone else into anything.

With all that said, you still tell me to go fuck myself? No, kind sir, you can go fuck YOUR self.

I find it very interesting that the rudest comments are coming from those that would rather have pets.

@jca Sorry, you struck a nerve and I forgot your first answer in a red mist.

@jonsblond That is because we are persecuted and that makes us bitter. How would you feel after a few decades of being told that your life decisions are wrong? If you’re fairly normal, that will make you angry.
Now try bottling all of that up because the people persecuting you are otherwise nice people who, like @jca, don’t really deserve to get unleashed on, so you have no outlet for all of that frustration.
See where I am coming from now?

@noelleptc You’re welcome :)

@jerv and parents are never told we are polluting the earth with our stinky children and we’re selfish for doing so.~ (I do understand your point, but no need to be rude.) :)

@jonsblond I think you’ve seen me around long enough to know that my manners aren’t great even in the best of times and despite my best intentions. I did say that I wish I could find a nicer way, but for me that is more difficult that differential calculus. We all have our aptitudes, and being polite is not one of mine; I am too honest.

@jerv I feel like you probably feel roughly the same as I do. People with children might not necessarily try to convince you that you need to have a child, instead they more or less gloat about it and subtly make you feel like you are not normal because you choose not to make your life slavery to a child/children. They may not really know they are doing it. But the worst ones are the parents who tell you that you will change your mind someday or that fate might have other plans for you (a woman once told me this, and it burned me up). People such as these are perhaps a bit jealous of you being able to completely change your life at a moment’s notice, fly to Europe on New Year’s if you feel like it, and live the way you want to without having to worry about who is watching or if they will be psychologically screwed up by it.

@MyNewtBoobs: Oh, I see. Yes – you’re totally right. You’ll be happy to know I go out of my way not to show anyone endless photos and videos of my daughter unless they ask to see them. I’m a parent and I hate when people do that.

I have posted her up on Facebook however for casual consumption.

@ladymia69 I have to say that joining the Navy would’ve been a lot harder with a kid, as would my wife and I moving to Seattle. You may have a point about the jealousy, though I also allow for the possibility that people just have different desires and priorities in life.

@cprevite And you are the type of parent I like; the type that respects those who don’t get all excited about kids and start frothing at the mouth from Baby Rabies. If only all parents were so respectful and considerate.

@ladymia69: you are incorrect, at least in my case, about being jealous because i cannot hop on a plane to Europe. It is more a case of desires and priorities in life. I have been to Europe 3 times before my daughter was born, I have a great job with benefits that enable me to travel, I have done all that. Please don’t make assumptions about people’s lives without knowing them. Please also don’t assume subtle efforts to control people’s thoughts as in “subtly trying to make you feel like you’re not normal because you choose not to make your life slavery to a child/children.” There are a whole lot of assumptions in your post – mind control, jealousy, suffering (as in, being a slave to a child). now I have to get off the computer to feed my little ball and chain, and then I’m going to have a good cry over not being able to go to Europe any time soon! Then I’m going to send some subtle mind control @Jerv’s way in an attempt to get him to want to join me in my toils and slavery…..

@jca Haha…OK, I admit I was throwing assumptions around like that crazy cat lady on the Simpsons throws her cats. I tend to be dramatic sometimes. On the whole, I believe in live and let live. I promise, if the government suddenly started commanding women to have cats instead of children, I would be right there at the front, fighting for your right to have those kids. Does that make up for my gross generalizations? :?)

@jca I get that you’re willing to do a lot of things when it’s your own. I think for me, the problem is that you arne’t actually happy doing all of it – you’re filled with joy, but you aren’t happy. You’ll be happier having had kids than actually having them. And you’ll enjoy them much more if it’s what you actually wanted instead of always feeling that a child prevented you from having the career that you wanted, doing the travel that you wanted, and generally living the life you wanted.

@jonsblond I don’t know that I’d be so quick to assume children will be there when you’re old – it sort of assumes you’re a parent your kids would want to take care of. And please don’t make one person representative of the entire “pets, not children” side.

@MyNewtBoobs Did you miss my winky eyed smiley face at the end. it was humor.

@jonsblond Oh, yes I did. Whoops, sorry.

@MyNewtBoobs: I got pregnant when i was 20, and I had an abortion because i knew my life would have been so extra hard if I had a child at that age. I had my daughter at age 41, when I had been there, done that work-wise, travel-wise, etc. I sacrifice now, and I know it’s not forever. No saying I can’t travel, it just takes a bit more ingenuity. The career is here and that helps. I am living the life I wanted, because I waited a long time to have a child. To me, to have gotten pregnant at age 40 without any medical intervention, and to have a perfect child, both are gifts that I am thrilled and so appreciative of. Again, not saying it’s not a lot of work having a child, but I would not trade it for the world (and, I do have pets – 3 cats, some fish, a rabbit, so you could say “i have it all.”)

When I was young I assumed I would have children because it was what everyone of my generation did, you did not think about whether you wanted to have children or not, you just did.
Then 2 things happened that really made me stop and think about this life changing decision. First was all of my friends who had already had children spent a huge amount of time trying to find baby sitters, child care, anything to get away from them. Made me wonder because I don’t remember my parents ever having a baby sitter for us, they went places where children were welcome and we were taught to behave. Secondly my young husband and I house sat for a couple who worked together, he was a photographer and she a writer and they traveled and worked together and they themselves were an entire family unit. They felt no need to have children. What an eye opener that was, married adult humans who didn’t just have kids because it was what you were supposed to do.

I am forever grateful to those people for that revelation. I would have been an adequate mother. But I would not have been a “good” mother because I don’t have the need to mother (unless it is furry and has 4 legs), maternal instinct just isn’t in me. Many people feel the need to label me for being smart enough to realize this, I have been called selfish, independent (now isn’t that an insult to a female) and assorted monikers. And they usually are calling the names in between calling the baby sitter so they can have a night out.

If you have kids and it makes you happy and you take good care of them, that is wonderful and I am happy for you. Just don’t ask me to watch them while you get a hair cut especially if they are smelly, obnoxious, unhousebroken, little terrors. If they are well behaved and just had a bath, I might consider it but for no more than an hour.

Childless people are persecuted? Man, I spend my days and nights with the fringe of society: the subaltern, the sex workers, the queers, the disabled and the homeless…but the childless as persecuted? News to me.

@jca My cat is enough of a handful, and I am all too familiar with being woken up at 3AM by someone crying and wanting to be fed :D

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Actually, yeah. I can dig up some articles for you if you want.

@MyNewtBoobs Sure thing. I love to learn new things.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir It’s not persecuted like the homeless; it’s more snide comments insisting that you made the wrong decision, that women who aren’t mothers aren’t real women, that this could only happen if you were baron instead of being a conscious choice, etc. And, looking.

@MyNewtBoobs Well, yeah and I know and am against all that. Perhaps I define persecution differently.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Ah, I don’t think anyone was suggesting that it’s to the extent of persecution of the homeless. But not being so severe isn’t an excuse for it being ok.

@MyNewtBoobs No one said it was like persecution of the homeless but we must be careful with using that word left and right for things that aren’t it. And another thing that isn’t an excuse is people without children getting off on equally snide and of course unfounded remarks about the horrors of children in response to whatever inappropriate comments they, themselves, have encountered.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I would agree – but there’s a difference between saying you would find the experience of raising a child to be a horror and putting down those who do raise children. I would find the experience of playing on an NBA team to be a horror (I’m short and uncoordinated), but I have no problem with those who do.

@MyNewtBoobs Perhaps there is a difference but both hurt. As does comparing raising a child to playing basketball.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Well, then it sounds like you’re being a bit sensitive and reading way more into my words. If my disinterest in raising a child somehow makes your joy in raising a child less, or hurts you, then that seems more your issue than mine – and not all at in line with your traditional “different strokes for different folks” philosophy.

@MyNewtBoobs—No, it didn’t hurt me, I could care less (this isn’t one of the things that drive me mad) but it does hurt others. I just think people should live and let live and neither ‘side’ in this ‘us vs. them’ idiocy needs to step on the others toes.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Well, then I’d rather discuss it with those individuals who are actually hurt than via a proxy.

@MyNewtBoobs Yeah, good luck with that.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Yes, I guess we do define persecution differently, but I can’t think of what other word is closer to expressing being made to feel like a second-class citizen or somehow deficient/defective due to my life choices.
However, I think it’s time to live and let live, end this digression, and hope that we didn’t kill the thread entirely.

I don’t think we should worry about it. Some people might deny it, but passionate argument is what fuels Fluther.

@jerv being made to feel like a second-class citizen or somehow deficient/defective due to my life choices. I’ve felt this way because of my choice to be a stay-at-home mom. Apparently I have no desire to do anything with my life, I’m a freeloader, I must be lazy because what would I have to do all day? It must be boring having to be at home with nothing to do. Some of these comments came from one of my sisters of all people. I do wish people could live and let live. Luckily, most of us here at Fluther do. I wish the real world could be ths way.

@ladymia69 I already have that going on in a couple of other threads right now. I guess I am just incendiary :/

@jonsblond Considering how much work actually goes into being a stay-at-home parent (or even a childless housewife), I see no reason for you to be persecuted for that. IMO, anybody who thinks a stay-at-home (parent or otherwise) just sits around and watches TV all day must be rather lazy and slobbish themselves. Granted, there are some that do just that, but I also know that I eat better on the days my wife doesn’t work and more household errands get done on the days that at least one of us is off. ANd for many families, the income generated by a second job doesn’t compare with the cost of childcare, so many families are financially better off if one parent stays at home.

@jonsblond – I admire and respect you totally for being a stay at home mom. I have always felt motherhood is a career choice and to do it properly you have to be there for your kids. I never understood having a child knowing that you are not going to stay home and raise it but rather send it off for someone else to instill their values in your child. Never made sense to me. Congratulations to you and your husband for your choices.

@rooeytoo Thanks. You put a smile on my face. I needed it.=)

@jerv It never made sense to us. The amount of money I would make working would go straight to day care and travel expenses. Not worth it. imo

hits @jerv with rolled up newspaper No! Bad Husband! No donut!

Hello all! I’m @jerv ‘s wife and I just joined Fluther about three days ago. I used to be under the AB handle “aninnocentbystander” but after leaving AB during the Great Migration of 2009, I’ve been slow to return to another Q&A site.

Perhaps a little insight would be helpful here. Jerv and I discussed children early on in our dating years. We decided children would not be in our future because of various factors. Jerv was concerned about passing on bad genes to a new generation and his temper. I know some of you will be shocked and amazed, but he can be really rude and quick tempered sometimes… Yeah, I know!

For me, I was the caretaker of a severely dysfunctional family throughout my childhood. My mother was an emotionally and physically abusive person with BPD. And she had also put an extraordinarily amount of pressure on me to become a parent from the age of sixteen until I permanently left my family in 2006. Given the nastiness of my childhood/teenage years and the feeling that I am a failed, flawed person for so many reasons, I would not be willing to take the risk of parenthood. Thankfully, I seem to lack the desire for parenthood.

It has been a hot button for Jerv and me. I know Jerv went off on this thread and I’m sorry that he did. Unfortunately, he saw firsthand the situation between me and my mother and the ensuing chaos that occurred when I left and it wasn’t pretty. He has a lot of unresolved anger about what I went through with my family (as do I) and I think some of it burst onto the thread. Of course, that’s no reason or excuse for rudeness, but I thought a little insight might be helpful.

@Raven_Rising I figure I may as well post it here, but your mother isn’t the only person who does this, merely the most blatant, egregious, and persistent of them.

Oh and @jonsblond – I think its very admirable that you are a stay at home parent. Not only is it a difficult job but a very honorable one.

@Raven_Rising My mother also has BPD, and my experiences with her are a large reason why I don’t want kids.

@MyNewtBoobs Thank you for understanding. I’m sorry you had to go through it too

It’s five am. My son woke me up and my foot is killing me. I can take a pill for my foot, it’s illegal to gag my son. I love my son more than life itself, just not at 5am.

Is this a long term answer?

is it wrong to say I’m in love with Mrs. jerv?

”No donut” ;^)

Kids? Pets? It’s all good. Why set up false dichotomies?

I’ve had to think about this question. I have two children, I have two pets. I have one husband.

There are days I want only pets. There are days when I just want children. There are days when I want only a husband.

Thing is, had I know someone of the medical hurdles I was going to have in my life, I might have reconsidered. Cancer, depression, multiple surgeries, cerebral aneurysm. Past abuse. Past loss. History of multiple miscarriages.

I love my life. I love my children. I love my pets and I am so in love with my husband. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Wow, this thread got grumpy! It’s funny how there is a “them vs us” situation when it comes to people with kids and people without (by choice). I can’t say that I feel persecuted as someone who is, more than likely, not going to have children (through choice) but I agree with @jerv that hearing “you’ll change your mind one day” gets rather boring. That may be true but I really don’t like the idea of a whole bunch of people thinking “I told you so” if I do.

However, the childless aren’t always the victims. I have witnessed some real self righteous attitudes coming from childless (by choice) people and that is as worthy of a major eye roll as being told “you’ll change your mind one day”. It’s definitely six of one, half a dozen of the other in this case and I think it’s about time we respected each others wishes, got off our high horses and minded our own business.

No baby pictures please, give me the baby, you can have it back after I have taught it some naughty words!!!

@noelleptc The funniest I remember is hearing a little boy of about 2 calling his dog a “little bastard”. Apparently he had heard his grandfather saying it and copied. I cried with laughter!

Sweet! Another Fluthering couple. Welcome @Raven_Rising =)

Wait…wait… @Raven_Rising is Mrs @jerv ? How cool is that?!?!

ETA: And obviously, if I’d read carefully, I would known that. oops. <hangs head> Silly me.

OK, now I’ve actually read the thread, and because it’s so heated I have to add my two cents. I have to agree with @cak when do I not? We share the available brain cell, after all! and some days it was one preference, some another. I never didn’t want Katawagrey in my life, but she’s always been a strong, independent thinker surprise surprise and sometimes the dogs and cats were just easier to deal with. That said, my sister and BIL also opted to not have children, and still get a lot of snide crap about that decision, so I sympathize with @jerv and @Raven_Rising. For most of Katawagrey’s young life I was a stay-at-home mom, so I sympathize with @jonsblond .
I’m a Single Mother By Choice and have gotten a load of crap for that… anybody want to sympathize with me? <snivels a bit> I want some donuts, too!

@cprevite Aww, thanks

@Leanne1986 I completely agree. I’m pretty sure this was meant to be a more lighthearted thread. Persecuted is a strong word and I don’t think I would have used it in this situation. I have been given a lot of flack for not wanting children, but I’ve also received some support for my childless stance as well. And I’ve met a lot of people on the childless end of things who I just want to smack upside the head for their self-righteous attitudes (although I have fallen in love with the term “baby rabies” Dammit, its just fun to say!) Seriously, people need to just relax and let others live their own lives

@jonsblond Thanks for the welcome!

@JilltheTooth Being Mrs. @Jerv can be cool but also very trying at times “Wait, he said WHAT? Sigh I’ll be right over…”
Single motherhood can be a difficult path. After all, you’re doing the work of two people, but sometimes its the best decision for you and your child. sending donuts ASAP :)

@JilltheTooth That is part of why I keep her; I need someone sweet and nice enough to counter my lack of tact yet strong enough to yank my leash when I get out of line and tolerant enough to do so for years. @Raven_Rising is a saint, and I got lucky when I found her :)

Wait! @Raven_Rising is Mrs. jerv? Very cool. (and I think “cool” is one of the most overused words ever, but cool.)

And yet another overused expression that’s awesome!
Hello @Raven_Rising :0)

@Raven_Rising – allow me to add my welcome to the masses. Your Jerv and I have been (mostly ) arguing happily for quite some time now. It is nice to meet his missus

@jerv Aww, shucks! Thanks sweetie! Sainthood is pushing it a bit far though, don’t ya think?

@cak @AmWiser Hello! smiles and waves

@rooeytoo Thank you! Very nice to meet you too!