How to staunch baby pangs?

I don’t really have an answer for your question specifically, but I wonder if it might help to evaluate the reasons why you want a baby. What kind of desires or needs would having a baby fulfill for you? If you can figure that part out, you might be able to figure out something that can fill the void.

I feel that it is probably biological. I can’t think of any other reasons for it.

All the reason aside, if your boyfriend hates children, isn’t this a major roadblock? You can’t force him to change his mind. It isn’t fair. If you stay in the relationship, sure he may change his mind, but then again, he may not. Is it really something you want to wait around for to see if it happens?

Your lists of reasons are serious. Knowing is have the battle. Have you talked to a doctor that says “no children” specifically?

There is a lot going on where you need to talk to a few different people. However, the first is your boyfriend. If he’s anti-children. There is your most important answer, at least, for now. If he is that against having children, is he really the person for you?

This is not a major roadblock. I can’t tell you how thrilled I was to find a man that DIDN’T want children. I would feel extremely guilty bringing any more people into the world anyway.

As far as having a doctor tell me “no children” I have not, but I have not spoken to a doctor about it because I’ve chosen not to have any.

Excuse me, it’s 5am, and I can’t sleep. I’ll try this again!

I have two children, my sister views them as the black plague. She likes them, in small doses, but never wanted them on her own. Nothing in the world wrong with that, in fact I respect people that know what they want.

Keep you list of reasons close to your heart and talk to your doctor about long term control, like mireana. (spelling) something long term.

If you want children, and your boyfriend doesn’t, that sounds like a dealbreaker.

Could you perhaps adopt?

Hey all you folks who are kindly trying to answer this question for me; let me clarify; I should NOT have children, no matter who I am with. My boyfriend is NOT the problem,

My biological clock won’t shut up. That is the problem

Got it Fluffy Chicken. Like I said, visit a doctor and see about a long term birth control and also talk to him/her about your “biological clock” issue and how you want it to shut up.

Thanks Cak. :) I went in to see about an IUD, and decided it was not for me (I’ve never been preggo, and already have bad cramps and heavy bleeding. don’t need it worsened thanks!) . I’m currently on the nuva ring. before that I was on the pill for 5 years, but my current work schedule makes it difficult to keep a daily routine like pill-taking, so i switched.

It sounds as though you might need to speak to a counselor about this yearning. The original question is incongruent compared to your responses to the feedback you have received here. This leads me to believe that as adamant as you want to sound about not having children, the decision is not completely made in your mind. When a woman is 100% certain that she does not want to have children, baby pangs may come and go, but they would probably not rise to the level they seem to have reached for you.

BTW, what if the child you are refusing to bring into this messed up world was the one destined to save it?

I’d like to offer another point of view if you’re willing, other wise just disregard it. I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome & hypoglycaemia at 21. I’m now 37 & the hypoglycaemia has turned into pre-diabetes. Bipolar & schizophrenia is in my family which goes hand in hand with abuse. My grand mom had cancer & every other person I know, know’s someone who does or did. I actually mentally blocked out the fact that I had fertility problems until this past year when another doctor told me that I have PCOS. It was a big shock to me digging through my memories & realising that I heard it before. In my 20’s I rationalised why not having kids is a good idea. Now that I’m at a good place in my life, I feel ready to try having kids. But my point is women have biological clocks because that’s how we were made. What ever your choices, your body is speaking to you.

I second the answer that @SuperMouse listed. A counselor may be advised, in this situation. You have all the logical reasons at hand, but can’t seem to move past them.

I want you to know that I applaud your decision, but want you making it with all the information you can possibly have.

Oh, and welcome to Fluther.

thanks! I think seeing a counselor certainly sounds like the next logical step. Thanks everyone for your input.

The pangs never go away so you may want to squash them for the sake of your boyfriend. It will come between you in the end and the thing about not bringing any more kids in the world well you don’t have to there are so so many waiting for a good home just in the foster care system. Its a sad fact right here in the US with all we have kids have no real place to call home and no parents to call their own and so many people decide to go outside our borders to adopt where there are so many here waiting.

@ninjaapantz I too have PCOS and thru the help of my reproductive endocrinologist and had pre-diabetes and by having gastric bypass surgery and exercise that is no longer an issue. I have been told I can now have kids of my own and still I chose to adopt.

It really sounds like, for a few reasons, having a baby (at least right now) isn’t the right thing for you. I’d suggest counselling as well, as the wise @cak and @SuperMouse have suggested. (Those ladies know what they’re talking about!)

I think a good indicator is that your boyfriend is so opposed to the idea of having kids. You call him your boyfriend, so I’m going to assume that you’re not certain whether he’s “the one” – that you’ll be with him forever. Also, you say that your lifestyle doesn’t really allow for kids right now.

You might get into a relationship later on where your man does want kids. You’re still young – you’ve got plenty of time to have kids, that is, if you decide to do it biologically. Based on what you say about your family history and your values, though, adoption might be a better bet for you. There are lots of babies and children out there who would love for you to take them as your own.

In the meantime, hang out with some kids. Do you have friends or family members with little ones? Volunteer to babysit. You may be able to donate your time to a day care or organization where you’d be able to care for children.

And don’t forget the counselling – if this is really making you feel depressed, talk to someone who’s been trained to help you deal with your problems.

All the best! (And welcome to Fluther!)

I’m not interested in ever being with anyone else. We are living together, and intend to do so indefinitely. Neither of us really sees a point in getting all stressed out and spending a bunch of money so that it can be government sanctioned.

Meanwhile, yes thanks, working with kids sounds great. I used to have a reception job in a preschool and I loved it. If I could find another job like that in the future that would be fantastic!

and thanks for the welcome :)

I guess I’m confused about what “baby pangs” means to you, if you say you definitely don’t want to have children.

I have “baby pangs” because I love my daughters and I would desperately love to have a third child, but I can’t.

First, let me say that I applaud your maturity and wisdom. A lot of people don’t take their living situation into consideration when deciding whether to have children.

If you are absolutely certain you don’t want kids, here’s one thing you can do. When I sometimes wonder if I’m missing out by choosing not to have children, I go to the mall, grocery store, or any place frequented by families of young children. Listening to child’s temper tantrum is the best form of birth control! After that, I’m like, “Baby pangs? What baby pangs?”

@lonelydragon Or seeing a woman give birth, or watching basically any power struggle between a parent and a child.

Just throwing this out there… There’s always surrogacy. That way you could carry and have a baby without having to have a baby. You could settle your biological clock and help a nice couple start the family they want. Just an idea to possibly look into.

@WillWorkForChocolate I guess I was a little confusing.. Mentally, I don’t want them, but biologically I do.

@lonelydragon I’m sure watching my little bro growing up led to my decision to not ever have kids. ps love your pic

@MyNewtBoobs the miracle of birth is a beautiful thing.

@Randy I’ve looked into it. you have to have carried a healthy child to term already.

thanks.