Is it normal if two siblings start playing with each other on the bed?
So my situation is like this :
I have a boyfriend (he’s European) , he is 23 this year while he has a half-sister who is about 16.
I am not sure why but there are some things they do together which makes me feel really bad inside , and very uncomfortable.
Like there was once , I witnessed my him playing with his sister on the bed – tickling , grabbing each other like fighting , him pulling her to the bed and pushing her down , etc… And I am not sure why but I felt really uncomfortable about it but I just pretended that I was not looking . His sister even said ‘hey , your girlfriend is looking at us’ but he just continued to do it .
Then I talked to him about it after it happened , and I told him that I was really uncomfortable with it . And instead of understanding where I am coming from and talking things out , he said that I am being unreasonable and said that I am thinking too much . And got really angry , probably felt accused or something .
However , I am an Asian girl and basically I was brought up with Asian values and traditions . I am not sure if this has to do with me feeling uncomfortable about it or was those few incidents of them being physically close , just natural ? Because from what I know , most of us start feeling awkward in playing rough with our siblings of an opposite sex after a certain age .
I need opinions, please share . Thank you in advance !
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17 Answers
I agree with you. Half sibling or not, I agree that’s abnormal behavior and something a brother should not be doing with his sister. A little horseplay is one thing. Acting like two lovebirds is another.
Unless you see them doing something truly odd like kissing and making out, don’t put too much stock in it. It’s good that you voiced your concern, but if he learns you feel this way about his family, he may be inclined to distance himself from you.
Haha. Yes It is weird to me too.
I used to live in Mediterranean Europe and witnessed these weird sexual encounters too. Grown men would hug fondle and grope their mothers and girls would be overly amorous of their brothers. Me myself have half Italian cousins, when I was 17 they seemed to think a suitable term of affection was to hug me and rub their breasts on me.
I guess you cant change the culture and its innocence and either have to accept it for what it is or reject it.Your choice, but don’t try changing him.
Thank you @AshlynM and @SeaTurtle .
@SeaTurtle Actually I don’t expect him to change . Since I decided to date someone of different cultures and traditions , I expect myself to accept every thing about it . But I just needed him to explain to me about it , not just feel that I am accusing him (which is what I am not doing)
ok @higherground . The definition; limits and opinions of sexuality are profoundly different throught the world.
From my experience If he is from Med Europe then he is not unusual.
From my knowledge I can say that most westerners would be disgusted but most of them do have trouble acknowledging different cultures.
(as history shows us)
@SeaTurtle He’s from Central Europe , almost towards Eastern Europe .
@higherground , I can only speak of my experience with Italians and Greeks, down there the thing you speak of is the norm.
If you guys are genuine couple then you should be able to communicate & explain to him that it is weird for you ,not in a jealous way but just strange.
Yes, Europeans tend to be less priggish than many other cultures. At least many of them are civilized enough to know men and women can touch, play, hang out, talk and dare I say it wrestle, without immediately popping a hardon followed by bowm-chikka-bowm-bowm. It should be fairly clear if this is sexual (or overly sexual), and unless you disbelieve him when he says it isn’t, you should drop it. And if you disbelieve him, you should probably dump him.
I was in a similar situation once, I started seeing this girl and very quickly it became apparent that her and her older brother were extremely close, they would play fight and snuggle under a blanket and stuff. Luckily I hadn’t invested much time in this relationship and I thought ‘who am I to interfere with their relationship’ so I just walked away from it.
It’s not an ethic thing, it’s a family thing. If you feel uncomfortable & he dismissed your feelings, maybe you should be asking – do I really want to be with this guy? Go with your gut, it’s a good guide. I’m an Asian married to a European. You don’t have to accept everything of another culture, especially if it goes against your core beliefs. If it’s a true equal relationship, he’ll make the effort to treat you with all the respect, understanding & love you deserve. And you would do the same for him.
I think that’s a very normal thing of close siblings. They were just horsing around. Plus, the sister is only 16 and sometimes that means she’s just a girl in an adult body.
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I think if it gives you weird feelings, you should listen to your inner voice. The fact that he got angry about what you said would seem to indicate that you struck a nerve and that there’s perhaps a grain of truth in what you’ve said. No one should get angry with you about your feelings. His sister understood that there was something that looked wrong about the situation, why didn’t he? Shoving a 16 year old girl around on a bed and tickling isn’t really something a 23 year old man should be doing.
As you can see from the answers on this thread, it is neither normal nor abnormal. It is something that some people are comfortable with and some people are not. I, personally, I am not too comfortable with it but then I have no siblings and have never dated someone who was exactly comfortable around his siblings.
Something to keep in mind is that your boyfriend is much older than his sister. He was seven when she was born and he has probably treated her the same way their entire lives. I see this sometimes with my my 57-year-old mother and my 63-year-old aunt. For the most part, they act like adults but sometimes they start bickering and messing with each other like they are children again. I think it is an affectation of having siblings to always treat each other a certain way to varying degrees over the years.
The real problem here, I think, is that your boyfriend is unwilling to talk to you about it. You should sit him down and tell him that this makes you very uncomfortable and you want to understand why he still acts this way with his sister. Maybe even explain that you are confused about how they act because you were raised so differently. He might be more open if you approach it as if it is a cultural difference rather than a uncomfortable gut reaction.
This doesn’t sound weird to me. My brother and I still wrestle like a couple of 5 year olds (we’re 24 and 21 years old!), to win a fight he will tickle me because he knows that I am ticklish irritating bastard. I can assure you there is nothing sexual in it just a desire to be stronger than the other and inflict a bit of, non life threatening, pain!
I agree with @KatawaGrey here in that the biggest problem is that your boyfriend got angry when he you tried to talk to him about it.
I think it’s okay. My brother and I give each other foot massages, but also he similarly “attacks” me as my older brother. Some tickling, usually just pinning my arms back or picking me up and turning me upside down. He hasn’t stopped for 22 years, and it’s just playful.
if it had not made him angry for you to say something, It would sound normal. siblings wrestle. HOWEVER because of his reaction to you bringing it up, I’d say something weird is afoot.
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