What are the protocols or rules for discussing sexual issues with someone we know is underage?

Personally, I try to answer their question factually. I see nothing wrong with a 14 year old knowing straight forward facts about sex. In terms of subjective views regarding whether to have sex, or any judgements, I have found the collective to usually be fairly conservative, but also realistic. Usually our biggest concern is for the young teens health both physically and psychologically.

@JLeslie What about their parents view, role, etc?

@Adirondackwannabe Well, we don’t know what the parents are telling them, but when it comes to the facts, I don’t see it much differently than anatomy class. All people should know and understand their bodies. I feel strongly enough about that, that I don’t care if the parent chooses to not discuss these things with their kids. 15 year olds are already aware of sex, most likely have some peer pressure related to sex, and are most likely masturbating at minimum.

I do care what the parents values regarding sex are, but the teen is an individual also. I like that most of the voices on here tend to care the child is not doing something that might harm them, and tend to discourage sex for very young teens.

Plus, we do many times try to pursuade the teen to talk to their parents.

@Adirondackwannabe If their parents are not monitoring their Internet use or allow them to be on Fluther, what is the problem?

If you are uncomfortable, why not voice that in a thread perhaps stating how old the user is?

To @marinelife point, we definitely do that within the thread, argue back when someone else’s answer seems innappropriate or bad advice. I think that is a good thing.

@marinelife I’m not uncomfortable with discussing the facts. It’s more I wonder if I’m intruding on the parents relationship/role.

@Adirondackwannabe No matter how fantastic or open the parents might be, some children don’t go to their parents. Ideally there is another adult in the family the child trusts. Children many times think they will get in trouble when it is far from the truth. They are bad at discerning when their parents will be angry, or simply concerned, or actually glad their kid came to them, even when the parent has basically in their mind done and said all the right things to communicate they would not be angered by curiosity and questions.

More than once on a variety of topics the collective has encouraged a teen to talk to their parents, and over and over the teen comes back to tell us how well it went and how glad they talked to their parents. They are surprised. They were crazy nervous their parents would be angry.

Even though you know their answers and even though you would love to inform them, it’s actually not your place to discuss sex with a minor. You are leaving yourself wide open for a lawsuit from their parents.

No matter how helpful you want to be, it is their parents that should be answering their questions and not you.

Not meaning to give you a short answer, just an answer to keep you from being sued.

@john65pennington I don’t think an individual can be sued i guess technically anyone can be sued for anything but, the web sites allowing 13yr olds w/out an notification to other users could be?!?!

How are we supposed to know someone’s age or sex for real from their avatar or their discussions? Anyone could be posing as a minor, or posing as an adult.

Anyway, I’m with @JLeslie on this one. If my child had a question about sex, he’d come to me. I’m an open parent. I give real, factual answers. I know for a fact that is not the case in most homes. You can read that here in Fluther. Almost everyone is expected to learn this info on their own.

@john65pennington Sued for what?

While I’m certain that discussing sex in a sexual way with a minor could get one into trouble, I can’t imagine that simply discussing facts about sex would be in any way illegal.

As far as the ethics go, to my mind, that teenager is going to ask someone for the info. I’d much rather he get it from us (informed, level headed adults) than another teen, or worse, a porn site.

I’m with the others about giving factual answers to the best of my ability. I try to encourage the users I suspect are children to talk to their parents or other trusted adults, but I don’t feel badly about overstepping. If the parents aren’t watching their kids enough to know that they are asking the questions on here, what’s stopping the child from going to any other website and getting other information (possibly wrong information)? I’d rather try to help people (of any age) when I can rather than just tell them to go somewhere else because of their age (or any other reason).

If it were my child on the internet looking for answers, I would hope they found a place that would give them accurate information in a time when they felt they had no where else to go, rather than shun them and turn them away (and possibly lead them to look in places that aren’t as helpful).