Do the signs point to love?

There are certainly signs you are smitten with him. But it seems to me there are equally apparent signs he is not ready to commit to you. My advice is to let things develop as they will. Be available when he reaches out. Return the favor often enough to let him know you are still interested. But also make it obvious that, after all the on-again-off-again episodes and the pain they bring, you are not an eternal glutton for punsihment. I fear he’s figured you are willing to play dormat for him, and may take a bit of preverse pleasure and ego gratification from keeping the relationship in a constant state of flux. Drama queens aren’t confined to a single gender, you know.

Good luck, and welcome to Fluther.

I don’t think he’s that into you. You didn’t say if you’re sleeping with him, but he may be keeping you around because it’s easy. You might be just TOO avaliable.
I know you don’t want to hear that, but he told you outright. I would believe him and get on with your life. If he really is just confused he will either chase after you (instead of you chasing after him) it he will move on. Either way you will know.

If he loved you, he’d say it. He hasn’t.

If you’re looking for love, then look elsewhere.

Trust him at his word. If he says he is not in love with you, a truly loving relationship could not be built by your not believing his truth.

Love isn’t overlooking someone’s flaws, but loving the person despite their flaws. It sounds to me like you want this so much and for so long you are not paying attention to the reality of the situation.

Thanks you guys, I guess men aren’t as complex as they seem. Hahaha… men drama queens! Commitment is out of the question. We were physically intimate years ago. Then he left to ask his pregnant ex-girlfriend to marry him. Then he left her again. Came back to me, left me again. There is no chance of us being together. I question more his feelings, and is there more to life than what we see? I’ve had dreams about him that came true.
Perhaps my dreams and fantasies are interfering with my perception of reality.
I know what he did was wrong, just the feelings can’t seem to be stamped out.

If he wants to be with you he’ll do everything he can to make it happen. I see the signs pointing to fond memories, but that’s about it.

He wants to be friends with benefits. Simple….........like @Judi said….you might be TOO available..Look at your past, do you think he’ll change? Probably not. It’s either you stick around and go through what your going through right now, if not worse, or move on and find someone who wont take you for granted. Think about it, has he been worth your time? Is he worth your time?..You only live once.

There are no benefits. We haven’t been physical in nearly 8 years. He regrets what happened. It would be wrong for him to stay in contact with me, if he loved me, which is why I think he just can’t admit it. (Or I’m nuts) Am I just a really close “secret” friend? Do guys really value friendship so much?

In general, guys don’t work the way you think they do. They are pretty straight forward.

When he said this, he meant it.:
He…told me that he doesn’t feel the same way about me. He wants me to get over him and be happy

Move on. You’ll be better for it.

You’re his fantasy in that you represent no obligations. No obligations to you or his family. That’s what hold him at the moment. He is not going to become committed to you or obligated to you. At the moment, you are fulfilling a need inside his head. It’s not strong enough to commit him to you.

You really need to move on; he said he doesn’t love you, and there is no future with him. If you want love and a real relationship, you need to move on.

He’s in love with the idea of you & loves the drama you provide. We all get caught up with the dramas if we don’t see it for what it is. Think of it like this, if we didn’t have all our hang ups… How would we engage in relationships? How would we act differently? If we were secure with who we are & are fulfilled in ourselves. How would we agree to engage & act with others? How would the situation be different? If it was real true love what would be different?

Have you ever heard the expression “mind games”? This is exactly what your playboy is doing with you. A big clue is when he said for you to call him. This tells me that he has plenty of other females on his hook and you are just a puppet to him. Another trophy in his collection. It’s pretty obvious that you are in love with him, but the same feelings may not be mutual with him.

You are chasing him and that is not good. I understand that love makes a person do strange things. Back off of him and let him make some moves toward you. If he does not, then you will have your answer.

Love hurts.

I don’t think it’s love. I think it’s comfortable familiarity and what he thinks is friendship but more an emotional fallback “relationship”. I agree with the others who say if he was in love with you then he’d do everything possible to get to you, to keep you from getting involved with anyone else. A man in love definitely doesn’t tell a woman to go be happy with someone else. Cut you losses now and direct your energy and creativity towards someone who will be reciprocal.

There’s something about an email that could never capture the energy of holding a piece of paper someone prepared for you to hold and sent in the post. But emails and chat are great too ! And the immediacy of conversation possible on the keyboard isn’t possible with paper in the mail.
It’s as if you two write each other beautiful letters but can’t type.
You two have very successful channels of communicating that nourish you both. But your practice is all over distance with those modes. In person you can’t type and maybe it’s not even possible to express and receive the same communication from each other as you are used to.
And consider he may just not want to take your relationship to another level and that it can still be rewarding for you both in its current form if you let it. It’s more LetItBe than compromise.