Is a human's life and death, really as simple as ABC?

John, of course you need a D Grieving.

It will take time and energy and a lot of your thought. It will take those things whether you want to give them or not.

Please take care of yourself during this time. I am so very sorry for your loss.

I found that when my mother died I was in crisis mode for a year. I ran from one fire to another. In between crises I crashed in a miserable heap of mourning.

The thing about mourning is that you can’t plan it like you planned all your other steps. It just happens and as I stated above: it happens when you are in quiet place.

My thoughts are with you during this horrible time.

Grieving isn’t a responsibility to the one you cared for, but it is certainly your responsibility to yourself to allow yourself time to mourn. It can be easy to get wrapped up in the chaos of caring for another human being that needs a lot of assistance, and we tend to put our own emotions on the back burner. When the one we are taking care of is no longer with us, sometimes those emotions can hit like a freight train. You don’t pay as much attention to those things when you are focused on the well being of someone else. Yes, it will be necessary to deal with whatever you are feeling. It is never easy, and you can’t plan it like you did the rest… but it is necessary. Whatever that process entails is entirely within you, of course. Some losses are easier to grieve than others, but letting yourself grieve naturally is good for the heart and the mind. Terribly sorry for your loss, your mother was lucky to have you to look after her when she needed someone.

@john65pennington <hugs> I’m so sorry for your loss, I wish I could say something to make the pain any easier to bear, but I can’t. Time will help, and letting yourself grieve too. It’s been almost ten years for me, and while that hideous “rawness” does go away, missing her never does. She was my best friend, and there is a hole in my life where she was, that no one else can ever fill. Please take care of yourself, cry if you want to, do whatever feels right for you. I spent that whole first summer scanning photos of when she was well, and smiling and happy, and i made a book. I wanted to remember her that way, and it helped me deal with the pain. Sending you mountains of hugs xx

When my father passed when I was 17 I didn’t know how to mourn and thought the way was to keep running from the memories. But as I got older I found that I you need a time of mourning and time to cry and let it out. A time to remember, look back at their life and look at pictures of the person who passed and greive your loss. You will always miss your mother I am sure you will but give yourself the time you need to grieve it is a necessary part of death.

John, I’m truly sorry for your loss. Lots of us have been there, but the grieving process is different for everyone.

As Neffie said, the “grieving” is for you. There’s no right or wrong way to do it. There are no rules. You simply have to wade through it, slowly and (hopefully) thoughtfully.

I’d bet dollars to donuts you were a wonderful son and she died very proud of you.

Give yourself time and lots of chances to grieve.

::BEAR HUG::

John,
I commend you highly that you had an A,B,C step plan in place. I myself am a person who just rolls with the punches so to say…and I really wish I had even an “A”. I have probably more regrets because this. With that said, mourning is an unplanned process unfortunately. Its like a really bad sunburn first the pain then the blisters then the peeling but instead it’s an emotional sunburn and it leaves memories as scars which seem at first like they are seared into your brain painfully. The “shocks” you will get used to and seems a long ways away but it will happen I promise. I don’t think you could actually put a “D” on it because there is always a chance for grief to “flare” up again..making it idle.
{{{HUG}}}

IMO “D” is the more important step @john65pennington. You can’t pick and choose how and when someone will die on you…but I do believe you can prepare to honor their life, legacy and impact that person had on your life. Easier said than done though.

Again…sorry about your loss.

Caring for an aging parent should be an act of love. It’s sad in the extreme when it becomes a chore, or worse yet, a hateful burden. I think a number of Amer-Indian tribes had the right idea… when an elder can no longer be of some usefulness to the tribe, they simply wander out into the wilderness.

I’m sorry for your loss, John.

Take your time with everything. Bills, taxes, etc can wait awhile. I almost made myself sick trying to get everything done and, looking back, none of it was so important except the funeral itself. Just have a sitdown.

I’ve learned it depends on if you are the person on the inside looking out; or, are you just part of the rest of the world not completely affected by the loss.

I think I did what you did, to a point, with my dad. It was very matter-of-fact, in how things were dealt with, but BAM! When he passed away, I was so devastated that I never knew a person could hurt like I was hurting. In fact, I still am fighting with the pain.

It’s almost cruel, how easily life goes on…almost without a notice of the person no longer there, except for those in mourning. The only thing I can tell you, is it doesn’t fit into a neat box. I’m very thankful for that, too.