Only give advice when asked for it. Don’t try to condemn them for making new choices that might be different from the choices you make.
Hint: If your daughter wants to try a Vegan diet, ask her about it, but don’t suggest that she just keep eating eggs and milk. That is a sure fire turn off to tell a young adult to stop doing something that is important to them (unless they are a druggie or a drunk or are harming animals or other people or thieving). In this particular case, if you suggest that you would actually enjoy learning to cook a few vegan meals together and then invite her to come and do that, she would probably be thrilled.
Leave all of the nagging, meaningful suggestions on how they should be living their lives differently than the way they have chosen (or are experimenting with) and un-solicited advice out of any conversation that you have with your adult kids on the phone, by e-mail or in person. And don’t try to guilt them into doing anything, including coming to visit you.
Just say, “Hey Bill, I’d love you and your new girlfriend Margaret to come and visit. When’s a good time for you guys.”
Or say, “Hey Angela, I know you’re busy and you probably want to spend some time with your new friends. I’d love to see you too. Let’s see if we can figure out some dates that will work for both of us.”
If adult kids find that coming home means lots of embarrassing questions, being treated like children, or being subjected to ways of doing things that are incompatible with their way of life (I’m thinking of things like choosing not to have children, being gay, and choosing not to have a religion, or changing religious affiliations, or choosing not to get married, or being a vegetarian or choosing an unconventional career etc.) those are situations that would make them not want to come home.
Make your home welcoming, non threatening and non judgemental (even if you have to bite your tongue and keep your mouth closed for some situations and subjects that might arise).
Welcome to Fluther : )