Are military contract marriages known to fail?

Are you looking for this marriage to be a permanent thing – until death do you part – or just while he’s in the service?

Just while he’s in. If either of us find someone though we will just annull the marriage or file for divorce. This would solely be a marriage of contract, not sacrament.

@MCBeat I think they would only investigate if they thought there was a reason to. Since you’re friends, you aren’t doing anything wrong – it’s not like there aren’t quite a few romantically involved couples who get married early on to take advantage of the benefits, and some might argue that’s exactly why the military has the incentives. There’s nothing wrong with entering into a partnership with a friend so that you might both be better off. Sex isn’t what makes a marriage. I say go for it.

That’s what I like to hear :) Thank you so much!

Disclaimer: I have no official knowledge of military… anything.

Mom would always say that if you’re worried about being caught, then what you’re doing is probably wrong.

@MyNewtBoobs I’d say that contract marriages are yet another mockery of the real thing.

@Nullo And I’d say that seeing as how marriage purely for love is very, very new in our history, that’s total bull. Not to mention that you aren’t the decider of all things marriage.

Guilt isn’t rational – lots of people feel guilty just eating a sandwich (something they really shouldn’t feel guilty about).

@MyNewtBoobs If I were talking about marriage-just-for-love you might have a point. But marriage is at least as much about long-term commitment (and has been from the get-go), which this throws right out the window. Keep this question in mind the next time you quote divorce rates at someone.
Yes, people can have weird hang-ups, hence the ‘probably’ – a vital accessory for any kind of broad statement. But the OP said, “I was wondering if anyone knows how often they are investigated? What would tip them off?” which suggests that this sort of thing is some known flavor of illegal. It definitely sounds like some kind of thinly-veiled fraud to me.

You’re getting married merely to get money from the federal government. Abusing the system that’s there to help people in the military and their families. And you see nothing wrong with this? Forget marriage as an institution, yadda yadda yadda. Abusing the system, receiving funds you’re not entitled to is bordering on if not entirely illegal. Bad form. There are other ways to start your life over than extorting money from the government.

@Nullo Contract marriages were almost the only marriages for a very long time, at least among people above peasant class. They still are the norm for many people. While you may not see these as valid forms of marriage or whatever, that’s you.

Marriage has not been about long-term commitment “from the get-go.” Your idea that it is displays an lack of knowledge of history and religion. “From the get-go” if a woman is infertile, divorce or discard. Unfaithful, same or kill her. Tired of her? Buh-bye. There have been many ways out and they have been used throughout history in most places and religions. People have been making and breaking marriages “from the get-go.”

Honestly, moving to Japan is what I feel like I need to completely restart my life. There will be no daily reminders of my ex, who unfortunately has emotionally traumatized me, and there will be options for me to be worldly, cultured, and experience how life is outside of San Diego. Getting a little extra money from the government might be fraud, but it’s really not the end of the world. We’re not hurting any specific person, we’re just trying to better ourselves.

I want to clarify the ‘extra’ money issue for you a little bit. His base pay will stay the same as it currently is now, unless he makes rank. The extra money is Overseas Housing Allowance (you can look it up according to his rank and location). This pay is meant to provide money instead of living in the barracks. If you live on base, you pay the entire amount to the housing office. If you live off-base, you receive all the money and pay the landlord. Basic Allowance for Subsistence is intended to pay for food as he will no longer be able to eat at the chow hall on a meal card. If he does eat at the chow hall, he will be required to pay. I do not know if Okinawa qualifies for Cost of Living Allowance. If Okinawa does, he would still qualify without you; however, it would be slightly higher with you. It is intended to offset the fact it costs more to purchase the same items in some locations i.e. Hawaii’s gas prices were about $5 a gallon when it was $3 a gallon in CONUS. You will receive the medical, but you do have to pay for dental insurance. Living overseas (unless things have changed), they do have dentists available for spouses on base but getting an appointment was quite difficult.

I am not sure what extra income for yourself you were talking about unless that is part of the contract in the contract marriage or if you have a job which would pay you extra for living in Japan.

Some other things I thought of, just because I want you to go into it with your eyes open. If he dates other people while he is married to you, he can be brought up on charges under the UCMJ. Yes, this does still happen although it has in some commands become less frequent. It does really depend on the command and his MOS. If he has a clearance, for example, he would be more likely to be charged as it is considered a security risk.

Also, the contract would not really be considered binding so you have to trust him. You could not go to base legal and say, “Well, he promised to pay me $500 a month if I married him.” The trust thing is big. As you would be married, he would have to trust that you would not divorce him and then try to take half of everything or get alimony. The same goes for you. (This could happen in any contract marriage not just military; however, military does tend to be more strict on these policies of equitable distribution of marital assets.) For example, since I have been married to a Marine for 19 years while he has been in, even if we divorce, when he retires I qualify to get part of his retirement pay.

I am making no judgment and am not trying to scare you away. I do want you to know what I are getting into. People get married for many different reasons.

@optimisticpessimist has given you some great information about how things work with the extra money he would get for having dependents. The military would consider him to be your sponsor. He would be responsible for you and if you did anything to get in trouble (even something as simple as a speeding ticket on post), his command would be notified about it and he could get in trouble. As @optimisticpessimist pointed out, the only thing you would get from the military, is the health insurance and that’s only once he adds you to DEERS. If you guys wanted dental coverage, he’d have to pay for it out of his paycheck. All of the extra money he would get for having dependents would go to him. The only way you would see any of it, is if he gave it to you and it’s really not that much.

Also, in order for you to go to Japan with him, you would have to be married before he got orders to go to Japan. He would then have to apply for command sponsorship, which is basically asking for permission to bring his ‘family’ along. That can be denied. If he already has his orders for Japan, he could try to get them changed to include you after you get married, but they might not be able to do it. If you are not included on his orders to go to Japan, you will have to pay the cost of getting over there and getting any of the stuff you want to take with you over there. You will also have to have a passport before you could go.

It’s not as simple as saying you’re his wife and just going. Also remember airfare to get from Japan to the US is not cheap. The military will not pay for you to come home and visit friends/family or to come home if you decide you want to leave after a few months. That will all be on you.

Also, as @optimisticpessimist pointed out, adultery is a punishable offense in the military and some units are very strict about it. So the whole, if we meet someone else thing, could cause him some serious trouble if he’s caught being with other people while married to you. Also if you are dating around and being with other people, it could raise suspicions and that could lead to it being found out that it’s just a ‘contract marriage’.

Defrauding the government can get both of you in some trouble as well. Him more than you (I believe) and could cost him his military career (even lead to an dishonorable discharge) depending on his command at the time.

Also, and this is completely my own personal feeling, but if the command he is going to has only a limited number of command sponsorships that they can grant, and he gets it to bring you over, you would be keeping another family from being together during that service members time in Japan. I think thats really crappy and while you feel you won’t be hurting anyone else, you possibly could be.

@Seaofclouds I just thought of the command sponsorship issue. I am glad you remembered it. When my husband and I married, I was in the Navy. After I got out, I was not automatically command sponsored and had to pay my own air fare to go to his location because I/we were not willing to wait any longer for the military to pay for it. Things may have changed since then, but we also had to wait for the increases from having a dependent to kick in.

@MCBeat – as someone who has lived in Okinawa Japan and been on most all of the bases there (especially the largest, Kadena AFB) I can assure you that you will NOT become more “worldly” or “cultured” there.

Okinawa is a beautiful island more similar to Hawaii than to Japan – and has a huge Pan-Asian community (Lots of Koreans, Phillipinos, Malaysians)..but the entire island caters to the military presence.

At first you’ll find it challenging to navigate the streets (they drive on the left, roads are unbelievably narrow, signs are in Japanese) by car – so you’ll likely stick “on-base” like the vast majority of military do.. and on-base will have everything you need for food, recreation and entertainment…so again, if you’re like the 90% of the military stationed there I’d imagine you’ll rarely venture off-base and remain in your “bubble”.

And as for “off-base” housing in Okinawa—good luck. Not bloody likely. They have lovely and HUGE towers for family / married couples..but it’s just a big ol’ apartment tower. Land is at a premium – so expect to live surrounded by lots of people. Off-base housing (like inexpensive used cars) is scarce and tends to be snatched up by folks on their 2nd or 3rd re-up…people who’ve been in Okinawa for more than 5 years.

You’ll have Burger King, Baskin Robbins and most all of the comforts of home…but you won’t be experiencing life in Japan so much.

I’d urge you to consider moving some place away from your Ex and starting life fresh ON YOUR OWN TERMS…rather than run away to Okinawa.

Don’t get me wrong, I loved Okinawa. I have dear friends still there and I lived off-base there—but I was fluent in Japanese and I was attending school with Japanese kids.

For the vast majority of service folks there—Okinawa is about base housing, flying gokiburi (giant cockroaches – and they fly), unbelievable heat and humidity and life lived in a bubble, not worldly travel…

Between the two, San Diego is really quite lovely and has fewer typhoons…

Sure, why not? Screw the system and its ridiculous institution of marriage. I don’t know what you by fail, though. It’s not like you’re marrying for love.

@MCBeat Just wondering, how many people have to tell you this is a bad idea before you see it?

Just one more thing. His two year orders would probably be changed to three years if you became command sponsored. If he has only two years left on contract and does not want to re-up, you would probably not be command sponsored.