What are the benefits of marriage, besides the legal ones?

I think it just feels different to be married. It does not happen the instant you say I do, but over time it is like you are a special unit, family.

Also, in society some people treat you differently if you are married. Married carries with it an understanding you made a committment to be together forever, where living together might need more explanation for some. How long? Will you get married? Etc. Like the people living together need to clarify their long term intention. Not that they have to, I am just saying it seems people ask these sort of questions when people live together.

that’s totally true, and irritating. I’ve had people ask me how long I’ve been “living in sin.” I’ve been living with my partner for two years, and I see nothing wrong or evil with it.

Absolutely. One of the best is you are free and clear from ever having to be in the dating world again. I hated that place and was all too glad to escape. It only costs six bucks to get married, as the tax man thinks he’s entitled to take your money even when you do something like that, so it can’t be a financial thing. It should be free, as why does the state tax something like that? I have no idea, but again six bucks isn’t breaking the bank any (Just make sure you find a way to get around paying $6.00 plus for interest on taxes for the money taken away from you that Uncle Sam really had no business sstealing from you in the first place).

I do wonder how many more would get married if it weren’t for this ridiculous tax on your freedom of choice…. hmmmmmm…..

I don’t have an answer for you, but I would like to know. My partner and I decided some time back not to get married, and although we cannot live together due to circumstances, I am occasionally asked if we plan to get married. It takes some explaining, and people are still surprised that I have a philosophical objection to the concept of marriage. I suppose the advantage would be that it is easier to communicate the strength of your relationship succinctly. Also after 2.5 years, it doesn’t seem right any more to call her my ‘girlfriend’.

I have a strong objection to the term ‘living in sin’ – I don’t believe in sin, and I don’t see how being in love with someone minus the rituals can possibly be wrong.

I suppose that it brings, for some people, a feeling of security to the relationship. Getting divorced is a lot more complicated than just breaking up, so maybe it leads to people being more willing to work on a relationship that’s struggling.

Personally, I don’t know. I’ve been with Mr. Fiance for almost 10 years, and we’ve been living together for almost 7 years. I know I’m not going anywhere, and I know he’s not going anywhere. Although I don’t have a ring and we aren’t actively planning a wedding, we consider ourselves to be engaged, because we will get married eventually. Neither of us is completely sure exactly why we have to get married, but we both know we want to. I guess part of it is knowing that when we get married, we’ll be able to get all of our friends and family together in celebration of us. Part of it is that we’re a little sappy and are looking forward to calling each other “husband” and “wife”.

In order to live in the family apartment-style residence at my university, you have to be either married or a parent. The residence is a 10-minute walk from my part of campus, and is right downtown, with a 24-hour grocery store across the street, and is a quick subway ride to anywhere in Toronto, plus it’s about half the rent of any other apartment nearby. We had to see a lawyer and sign a declaration of common-law status to live here. We’re already enjoying some of the benefits of being “married”, so we’re not in a huge rush to make it official.

For me the feeling of change was instant, from the moment we both took our vows. We were living together for only 2 months when we took the plunge. The only way I can describe it is that it made us feel more united like a family. With the words that we each said to each other I heard and felt the commitment in his voice. I froze when it was time to sign the contract because I realized at that moment that it was the biggest decision in my life and I knew he thought of it too. But he signed it first so easily that it made realize how much he wanted to start a new life with me.
The benefits as you put it is in knowing someone has sworn to be with you through the rest of your life. For each of you to take care of and support each other through difficult times. To give any future children 2 parents under the same roof. And give them support when one is not up to the task or isn’t available. To help each other reach the same goals in life.
Yes you can do all those things without marriage. My grandparents did it. They didn’t get married till they were in their 80’s. But it was more common back then that a man or woman would stay once they lived together and was seen as married once they had a family. And its true people don’t always stay married and divorce is pretty high. The difference of the times years ago and today is that their was such a thing as keeping your honor by honoring your promises.
Promises today are made as easy as buying a sandwich. However, marriage vows is a promise made on a whole different level. They mean something and can keep a couple together so long as both of them realize the level of commitment they are making.
Its the only contract I know of is meant to be carried out till death. (Well unless you do business with a drug cartel. LOL)

From what I’ve witnessed, the only difference is the judgement level of others for people who are in a committed relationship with another, yet do not have a legal document to prove it.

Of course! It provides you an emotional stability so you can raise a family together in a stable enviornment. Yes, it is sad that that is the social “norm” today but that’s because our society has gone wack. If your man wants to stay with you forever and he meens it he should propose to you.

I would guess sex is more available if you’re married.

Marriage is a commitment to each other that you will stay together, support each other in good times and bad, etc., etc. Do you need that paper to be committed – no, but it certainly doesn’t show much dedication if you can’t even do that much. Maybe being unmarried makes it too easy to “bolt” at the first sign of trouble instead of working it out. The financial aspect is definitely to be considered. Things like life insurance, social security, being able to inherit the money or the house if one of you dies.

I think what @Seelix said about it being harder to leave if you are married is valid. Granted, there are many times when it is better for a married couple to get a divorce than it is to stick it out but there are times when a couple goes through a rough patch and if they stay together because it is too expensive or difficult to get a divorce, they might find that is indeed just a patch and things smooth out over time.

There is also the actual wedding to be considered. When people get married, there are always friends and relatives who want to write nice checks and give expensive but necessary gifts. I have spoken to multiple married people who said they had enough in cash wedding gifts to put a down payment on a house and enough of those expensive gifts that they didn’t have to worry about finances too much when moving into said house.

@Skaggfacemutt: I don’t think not getting the piece of paper shows a lack of dedication. Since marriage is the norm in many societies, it actually takes a great deal of thought and compromise to decide to stay unmarried. As others have said, judgment is often visited upon those who choose to stay together for life, but who do not get married. This can make things quite difficult for those couples.

In a society where a marriage certificate is common, it makes sense that it might provide some type of security for some. The fact is that it is just a piece of paper that represents a public vow to each other. In that same type of society, it also eliminates the burden of explaining why you are not married.

The commitments couples make to each other are done so have nothing to do with a marriage certificate. The ceremony doesn’t bond the relationship together; it just makes it acceptable in some societies. A certificate does not guarantee that this commitment will last any longer than one made by a non-married couple, it does not guarantee that sex is more available, and it isn’t needed to award a partner money and belongings in the case of a death.

Not for us.

There aren’t any, unless you do count the emotional benefit that some feel because they’re secure in the knowledge they’re actually trapped/secure in the relation.

@KatawaGrey I know what you’re saying. I just don’t understand making a commitment to NOT commit. Maybe I’m just stupid. It is true that married couples don’t stay together any better than non-married couples. I personally would just feel slighted if my partner didn’t want to marry me. :(

None, my darling…none. Not one. I wish I had a different answer, but I do not.

Stay single and stay sane…you stay in love that way.

I agree with @JLeslie. The social benefits don’t particularly concern me, but my wife and I felt that solidifying our relationship through marriage added an extra layer of commitment. It said: “we believe in this so much, we’re willing to make it very difficult to extricate ourselves from one another; we do not want to be able to just wake up one day in a bad mood and leave.” It is a formal way of giving part of your life to another person.

As always when I talk about this, I’d like to make it clear that I am only speaking about what works for my wife and I. I cannot feel anyone else’s relationship “from the inside,” and I recognize that others may have perfectly good reasons for not getting married. This is how it feels for me, though.

When you are married, you will be viewed by society as a family unit, rather than just some people that live together and have sex. Your family will appreciate that you have now added a family member, rather than just bringing someone home (and having to worry about whether they should sleep in the same room together). In the eyes of a lot of people, you will no longer be living in sin, experimenting, figuring out what to do next, or just fornicating. Marriage adds a legitimacy to the lives of a couple that can’t be found by just living together. Most people view marriage as much more of a comittment than just living together.

Plus, at a certain age, it just sounds a little silly to be referring to someone as your girflfriend or your boyfriend. It sounds fleeting and temporary. Saying “my wife” or “my husband” has a lot more meaning. That is why gay people desperately want and deserve the right to have that legitimate feeling. To be able to say, “We’re a family.”

I so agree with @Kardamom and @SavoirFaire . I know there are people here that strongly disagree, but I am old-fashioned. Marriage is more than a piece of paper. It gives legitimacy to a relationship. It really does turn your “friend” into your “family.”

@FluffyChicken But are they just using the expression “living in sin,” or are they actualky judging you in your opinion. I, even though I touted why I think marriage can be different than living together, see absolutely nothing wrong with living together. In fact, growing up, my dad used to tell me he thinks people should live together before they get married. So, no moral issue for me, no sin. But, I think only if a person has been married do they know what it really feels like, and I know married people who never felt that way, they eventually wind up divorced a lot of the time. I guess maybe there are people who live together that feel the same “married bond?” Maybe it is just a matter of being together for a very long time, and going through difficulties, I don’t know. Definitely time together, the friendship, the experiences with each other, the appreciation for each other, is really what it is about.

It doesn’t really have any benefits beyond legal and perhaps religious ones. There is no reason to keep state-sanctioned marriage around.

For those who have mentioned the increased difficulty in dissolving a marriage, why do you think this is a good thing? Personally, I want my partner to be able to leave easily. I want her to decide every day that our relationship is the best thing for her, and while knowing that she can leave at any time, choose to stay. I don’t ever want to reach a state where we work on our relationship because its easier than dissolving it. I want to work on the relationship when there are problems because we both think it is worth saving.

Or am I missing the point?

@FireMadeFlesh Beause sometimes people stay in a marriage because they feel an obligation to the committment they made, or not obligation, but that it would be like leaving family, which is an unusual feeling to most people, or because they have children, some external type of reason when they might be frustated with their spouse, and after a difficult few months or even years sometmes, might come back to a place that they feel great about their spouse and the marriage again. If they had left, they never would have realized it can be worked through, and sometimes better than ever. People in long marriages know this, and having come out the other side, don’t like to see relationships hastily break up, assuming all parties are good, well intentioned, people.

@JLeslie Don’t you think it works the other way as well though? Some couples that stay together because they are married don’t work through their troubles, and live miserable lives together because it is too hard to leave. Divorce is also a traumatic experience, and makes a bad relationship worse, because the things people do in divorce can burn their bridges forever. I saw a study some time back that suggested that staying together for the kids was actually a bad idea, in that the kids were actually better off if their parents split up.

Just to throw this out there – you can’t collect Social Security from a SO. You can leave your stuff to a SO, but it leaves it open for family members to challenge in court. You can’t put your SO on your health insurance. Why do you think the gay rights activists are fighting so hard to have a state-sanctioned union created for them.

@FireMadeFlesh Yes, I think it works the other way as well.

As far as divorce and kids, I think it depends on the situation; again, sometimes it is better sometimes not. What studies have shown though, which is worth mentioning is statistically children born to married parents do much better than single mothers from the studies I have seen most recently. There is not much difference on most parameters between children with married, divorced, or a widowed parent, but children born to a single mother have a more difficult time it seems. The thing is, I have not seen studies that include parents living together, not married raising children, could easily be as good as married couples? I have no idea. Back when I was young I used to say a woman should be married before having children, because then the man is legally tied. Now, with DNA I guess the man can be legally bound and financially responsible without the civil marriage, so that point is not longer necessary. Not sure how much that matters anyway, because the deadbeat dads are deadbeats no matter what.

@FireMadeFlesh I do think you’re missing the point. You are thinking of marriage as a way to bind the actions of someone else (“I want my partner to be able to leave easily”), whereas I am thinking of it as a way to bind my own actions. I am only trying to keep myself from being able to leave this relationship easily. I offer that bit of my freedom as a sign of my commitment, and my wife chose to do the same. There is still the legal option of divorce if someday we decide the relationship is no longer worth saving, but we have both chosen to do something that will force us to really think about that decision rather than leave ourselves able to make it on a whim.

There are also children to think about in many cases. If you can forgive me from taking a line from Dharma & Greg:

“All my life, you guys told me your way was better because everyday you chose to be together. Did you ever stop to think that there was somebody in that house who woke up every morning wondering if this was the day her parents were going to choose not to be together?”

I do not mean to suggest that parents who choose not to get married cannot overcome this issue, but it is certainly something to worry about. Marriage is a sign of commitment, and signs can be very valuable to social creatures—even if some can go without them. I am not, after all, trying to convince anyone to get married. This is how it works for me, however, and I am just as sure that my decision to get married was right for me as others are sure that their decision not to get married is right for them.

There is an unfortunate bias against those who choose not to get married, but the proper response is not for those who make such a choice to become biased against those of us who do get married. I am just as sick of people trying to take my marriage away from me as others are of people trying to force marriage on them.

@JLeslie Thankfully I don’t think that will be an issue with us – I want kids more than my partner does. I don’t think there’s any right or wrong here though, different things work for different couples.

@SavoirFaire That is probably a better way to look at it. However I think I’ve had plenty of openings and excuses to leave already, and I haven’t. In practice, I don’t think our hypothetical kids would worry about us either, because people have me that it is obvious that we are in love (not in the teenager eat-your-face way). Kids would view us as a unit, and not consider the idea of us splitting until they were much older and astute enough to know that it would realistically never happen.
I would never dream of putting a stigma on getting married. I think it is a great thing for those who choose that path – love is always worth celebrating. However it isn’t for me. Maybe one day I will be amenable to the idea. After all, I’m still very young in the scheme of things.

@FireMadeFlesh Plus, the stats I refer to are regarding Americans, which is very different than most other countries for this issue I would think?

@JLeslie Most likely. The US is so diverse that it would be near impossible to apply those statistics to any other culture.

@FireMadeFlesh Again, I don’t mean to suggest that marriage is the only way of solving these problems. I had plenty of opportunities to leave my wife before we were married as well, and I obviously never took any of them. But I’m not saying that marriage is something to help me control myself, I’m saying it is an overt sign of commitment. I am willing to bind myself, even if it might not be needed. It’s not for everyone, but my wife and I value that.

I also think you may end up surprised by what children can and cannot understand. They probably won’t pick up on the signs of adult sexual love the way other people you know can, and their ability to worry is really quite astounding. Once again, though, I do not mean to suggest you won’t be able to find other ways to address these issues. I know people who have done so.