How do you differentiate between signs that you need to try harder and signs that you should just let it go?

It’d hard to tell without knowing what the specific signs are.

But if it is a relationship, it depends on your feelings, your partner’s feelings, and what has happened (has your partner cheated? does he lie to your regularly?).

If it is a goal, you look at your results so far, you analyze your ability to keep going and your commitment to the goal.

Can you provide more details?

When improvement serves no real purpose.

German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche said, “That which does not kill us makes us stronger.”

That statement has been something of a credo for me in my professional life. It’s allowed me to push through barriers that others would have turned away from on any number of occasions.

Because your question doesn’t indicate if your attempts are at working on a relationship, a new skill, a work assignment, an academic goal, etc., it’s really difficult to provide my insight. People are more “difficult” because, regardless of your work and your efforts, there are often factors that can’t be changed. You can only change your behavior and your reaction to the behavior of others.

In all cases, I think defining the outcome is critical. To move toward success in anything, one needs to visualize and articulate what that success looks like.

Each idea is an isolated component of the entire sentiment expressed by Reinhold Niebuhr

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

In many situations that depends on your limitations and recognizing them.
If other people are involved, then it may also depend on your knowledge of their limitations.

If you find that your attempts to lift a car are giving you back pain, I’d say so let it go.

If one has trouble getting to work on time, then it behooves them to try harder if they want to keep that job.

If you’re attracted to someone but their sexual orientation categorically excludes you from the attraction being reciprocated, let it go.

If continuing the growth of a developing or nurturing an existing relationship means eating an occasional vegan meal or seeing a play, then that sign would tell me to make the extra effort.

Those are just some examples and since situations can be so vastly variable, one sometimes has to read many signs to make that decision.

This is where honest introspection is called for. If the situation has brought me up against my fear of failure, my insecurities or my laziness, then there is probably good reason to push on and ratchet up the effort. Doing so will weaken the hold of these oppressive tendencies.

If my introspection reveals that I’ve been working in service to my ego, or that I’ve been laboring under false assumptions, or that I’m just clinging to the familiar to avoid facing the unknown, or that I’m just trying to fulfill the expectations of others, then that’s probably reason to let go.

If you’re considering letting it go because it’s too hard, but it’s something you want and something that makes you proud, you need to try harder.

If you’re letting go because it’s not good for you or not who you want to be, then it’s time to move along whether it’s a person, goal, or situation.

@marinelife I’m really looking for generic answers, if you don’t mind…

Still reading answers

@picante “You can only change your behavior and your reaction to the behavior of others. In all cases, I think defining the outcome is critical. To move toward success in anything, one needs to visualize and articulate what that success looks like.”
I’ve never thought about it that way, thanks.

GAs everyone. You’ve all given me something to think about.

I’ve been in situations like this for numerous things. Academics, jobs, relationships etc… I never quit things. I hate the idea of just giving up because things got hard. However, when I’ve tried my hardest time and time again and no improvements are made and things just aren’t getting better, I’ll move on to something new and focus my energy elsewhere. There are just certain times when you have to just let it go and move on.

When the same issues keep resurfacing but never get resolved.

This goes for work, friends, lovers, etc.

My rule these days is that I speak up once, and only once, then I just observe.

If the action of speaking up fails to implement the desired changes, I leave and let go of the situation.

When you really don’t feel like trying harder, it’s time to let it go.

When you just keep going round and round…and getting nowhere, it’s time to rethink where you are going.

It’s not easy. Sometimes, throwing in the towel is the answer.