Adoption Question: A friend wants us to become her child's legal guardians should she die or become incapacitated. How can we do this legally?

Actually having it in her will that she wants guardianship of her daughter to go to you is exactly what she needs to do (especially if she has sole custody). If something were to happen to her, you would be able to get legal guardianship of her daughter at the time of her death with a copy of her will as long as no one else attempts to do so. If other members of her family were to try to get guardianship as well, a judge would have to decide, but the fact that it is her wish for you to have guardianship would mean a lot.

I agree with @Seaofclouds. If she specifically states in her will that her wish is for you to take over raising her daughter, it would have to be honored unless something drastic happened to negate the will. Especially if she cites in the will that the father is unfit.

The will is the key. She can also talk to the attorney about having the father give up his parental rights.

Yes, she needs it in her will. The father, aunt, or grandparents can challenge the will, so it can lead to a court battle, but the grandparents are probably getting too old assuming this woman does not die in the immediate future. Does the father have any custody rights at all right now?

@JLeslie He has visitation, but rarely see her. As I recall, his visitation was to be supervised for a period of time, but that was lifted. He is supposed to pay child support, but hasn’t in years.

He has family members that are quite wealthy, but they contribute nothing towards the girl’s health or well-being at all.

The mom was thinking if she wrote this in her will someone would object (maybe his wealthier sister). Everyone on both sides are much older than we are. We have already agreed with her, that her daughter would obviously have visits with her family.

@SpatzieLover Is his wealthier sister in the picture? Does the young girl visit her? Are there cousins the girls age she plays with.

If it were me, I would talk to a lawyer who has experience with this and knows how courts tend to rule in your state if there is a challenge to the will. I would also consider writing a letter about why I want my child to be with you and not with the father, and maybe even add I want to maintain familial contact with visits and other communication like phone calls. I’d get it notarized. I would want a judge to be able to hear my explanation if he were to make a ruling, and not just be looking at my will in black and white, and relatives saying, but they are family. But, I would ask a lawyer before writing the letter to see if he thinks it could backfire in any way.

Also, if there are emergency contacts on documents at school and doctors offices, I would start listing you as the person if your friend hasn’t already. It will show you are the adult to be called if for some reason the parent is not reached.

It would be great if the dad would give up all his parental rights, but I doubt that would happen. Although, that would probably get him out of child support?? Not sure how that works? Then he would not have to worry about being arrested for not paying.

I’m not a lawyer, I am just talking off the top of my head from what little I know.

@JLeslie Great ideas! I thank you.

Yes, we have begun using our contact info as her emergency contact info at school. I think it would probably be beneficial if we included that for doctors, as well.

The wealthier sister has her visit her occasionally, maybe 6 times or less per year. She is going to move out west, so that will end shortly. There are no children at the age of this child. The mom was 48 when she gave birth. The dad was in his late forties, too. I think the youngest cousins are in their mid-twenties on either side.

It may be feasible for the dad to sign off on parental rights for the exact reason you mentioned. He has accrued quite a “dead beat dad” balance at this point. In Wisconsin, he would face jail time for it.

I’ll pass any thoughts on to the mom. She’s concerned that her daughter would either wind up in the wrong person’s hands to raise or would inevitably end up in the foster system. It is a gnawing concern of hers. As she gets closer to her next birthday, this concern of hers has grown.

@SpatzieLover If you are named in the will I think the chance of her daughter winding up in the foster system is close to zero.