Does it sound like my ex wants me back or regrets things?
I went out with my ex for 5½ years and we broke up 10 weeks ago. I immediately went NC and explained I needed space until I felt ready to talk to him. I unfriended him from Facebook and everyone that associated with him.
It was hard but I surprisingly healed rapidly. I am seeing someone new that is wonderful, I am doing brand new things in life like sky diving and snowboarding, I’m traveling, I look better, etc.
Funny, I thought about contacting my ex yesterday but wasn’t sure. I didn’t want to ruin what I had with the current guy. Then my ex texted about wanting to talk outta no where. We caught up with each other making small talk but I could tell he was holding back his feelings. He told me he didn’t want to break up with me and that he did that because he felt like he was doing me wrong by having me stay with him when he couldn’t give me the relationship I wanted while he was being stressed out in the Army and didn’t know how to deal.
Since the break up, his life seemed to have gotten even more hectic and I feel really bad. I thought he was doing great. Anyways, he said he didn’t know if he made the right decision to break up with me because I was the only steady thing in his life. He didn’t want to admit missing me until now and he feels embarrassed and selfish for contacting me when I seem to be very happy with my own life. He started to cry and told me how much it hurt seeing me with someone else and it hurt worse than he thought. Some how he got around to be able to look at my pictures. Also he told me all the girls he talked to he felt like they were stupid. Don’t know why he told me that.
What do you think he was feeling? I feel like he regrets it and wants me back but knows he can’t because his life is stressful and I’m a lot happier. Honestly I’m kinda glad that his problems aren’t mine anymore. I love my ex, I care a lot about him, but I feel like even if he did ask me back I DON’T WANT TO be with him because his life is messy and I’m so much happier. Who knows what the future holds though…
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He is definitely regretting things. It sounds like he was hoping you would suggest getting back together.
You need to take your time and think things over.
You can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube. Time for everybody to “move on” as they say.
Well the thing is, I’ve been so much happier with my life. He’s the only guy I’ve been with and I would’ve loved him no matter what but now I’m seeing what else is out there. I love him but I don’t think it’ll ever be the same and I have SOME feelings for him.
I feel that if we got back together things would never be the same. His life is SO messy right now! He hasn’t healed either or improved himself.
If he asked me back I’d say no =(...but maybe some where in the future we can try again and start brand new when all the wounds are gone. I really want to see where this goes with the current guy.
I know I shouldn’t wonder but I can’t help but to wonder if he wants me back. It sucks because it’s all I ever wanted and now I know it’s best not to..
I would take a pass on the invitation to the pity party and continue on with your exciting new life.
It does sound like he wants you back, but to make his life better, not to make your life better. You pretty much answered your own question, Grasshopper. Like @josie said, you can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube.
Sit quietly.
Think about how you feel with New Person. (Feel how your body feels….light? heavy?)
Think about how you feel with Older Boyfriend. (Feel how your body feels…light? heavy?)
Your body will let you know what is best.
Think about the level of happiness you have….and how that has made you feel recently. Think about how your life was before.
P.S. Don’t go put on an old pair of shoes if they pinch…not when you have a new pair that shine and give you room to wiggle your toes.
great analogy darlingrhadamanthus… I just ate to admit that my life has gotten better after the break up. It’s like it was the worst and best thing that happened to me…
when he hurt me i felt the worst pain ever…as if someone died..
@chelle21689….I have an idea how you must feel. I think that it probably surprised you that you were able to just….boom…move on so quickly. Perhaps this is a sign, also, that it was time for you to go. However, I think that part of what is going on with you is that you feel a bit guilty that he is suffering and in pain now…while you are enjoying your life more.
Please don’t give in to the guilt. Just be honest. Tell him that you truly feel for him, but you have moved on…and (only if you feel okay about this, you may not) extend your friendship to him. Meet him for a coffee.
I broke up with someone many years ago and he took it very badly. I ended up staying friends with him and he has become one of my best friends. I set him up with some of my friends and we still are very close.(Totally platonic, by the way.) So, you never know.
We’re long distance so I can’t meet him for coffee. He even asked if I was ever going to visit again lol. Well…my sister pointed out that his life has always been the same and I’m just now having those rose colored glasses off and seeing it for what it is. I guess deep inside I do want him back but not what else comes with it: long distance of worrying, his financial issues, being deployed, and the biggest of all…not being able to compromise if something hurts me badly.
I just hope whoever I end up with in the future I’m very happy.
@chelle21689…The more you share, the more I think you did the right thing.
Wishing you happiness…no matter what….
It’s just sad because it’s all I ever wanted was for him to come back…..and now I can’t go back.
Wow he just texted me again lol…
He could have either have come to his senses, or maybe he is just missing what you brought to the relationship. It sounds as if you and I have been through a similar situation. What took a long time to learn is that you can love a person for who they are, but not be in love with them.
There were a few calls from my ex-boyfriend. I’ll admit that it felt good to have him make the gesture, but it didn’t change the fact that we were both better off pursuing our own interests.
He doesn’t want you back for you, he wants you back for himself. He is not putting your best interests forward. And what he is doing is trying to take you emotional hostage.
Be happy with your new guy.
He told me he wanted me back… but I told him I’m moving forward with life. He said he’s gonna find a way…
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