What is modern chivalry?

People should extend courtesy to each other.

I don’t need the car door held for me, but I expect a guy to hold a building door open for me, just as I would hold a building door open for a man coming in behind me.

Why would it not be acceptable for a woman to hang out with a guy at his house?

Chivalry isn’t as obvious nowadays, but it’s there with every smile, courtesy or compliment you get from someone.

And the door thing, I hold the door for pretty much anybody for, exactly that, courtesy, though it is extremely nice for it to be a girl, particularly the sight for sore eyes kind, and get a smile in return. Smiles from those type of girls is fantastic motivation..

I feel like really flattered when a guy just walks up and opens the door and waits for me to go in. It kind of makes my day. And I feel like a girl driving to a guy’s house to hang out when they’re not just friends isn’t ok. I don’t know why. I just don’t find it ok. I also feel like guys should pay when they take you out. Not necessarily every time, but first date definitely.

Act like a gentleman.
Treat her with respect.
If you don’t know how to be a Gentleman, then you have no clue what acts or gestures make up chivalry

@blueiiznh I am a girl. So how exactly do gentlemen treat ladies nowadays?

@ziegler sorry about the misread. I will ponder

@ziegler it really depends on going to a guy’s, or girl’s house in my case, or if she comes to my house because with the added level of privacy, things will either be more awkward or more fun because you’re with somebody you completely trust. It also depends where you live, too, I guess.
And if you’re still at home, parents would be a huge factor, because little is more awkward than introducing a girl to your parents
also, money is a factor, I imagine a lot of guys are incredibly romantic and would love to treat their girls like royalty but not have the paycheck to back it up, that doesn’t make them any less chivalrous, just unfortunate. Chivalry seems like more of a feeling to me, and what a wonderful feeling it is..
..and I will totally hold more doors for people..

@ddude1116 please do. Like yes it’s nice for a guy to walk through and still hold it, but it’s the best when they open, step back and let the girl walk through

Modern chivalry is when you treat a lady right…don’t cuss in front of her, etc.

Some examples:

waiting for a signal from her that it’s okay to try for first, second or third base (such as when she sucks on her finger deeply, and then rubs it against her crotch or yours)
allowing her to reach orgasm, too (at least occasionally)
feeling bad when she doesn’t
not being upset when she suggests a threesome
not being overly upset when she explains that, no, she wanted another guy in the bed
bringing your own birth control to the party
not drugging her on your second date
calling for the second date within a week or so of the first one
offering to pay for the abortion
letting her have the first punch, when things have gone very badly

@WasCy not at all what I was asking for, but thank you for showing how guys think.

I try to strike a balance with my own views on the subject. On the one hand, since I try to be aware of feminist issues, I am aware that the old concepts of chivalry can be construed as oppressive to women, for various reasons. On the other hand, I was raised to be a good southern gentleman, so I do have notions about how to keep up a modicum of politeness towards women.

Let me elaborate: To me, “chivalry” is the showing of due and sincere respect to women in a non-patronizing fashion. I don’t consider holding a door open for a woman to be patronizing unless the individual herself perceives it to be. In which case, I’d refrain. If I didn’t know and I was openly corrected, I’d apologize.

Hell, basically what I’m trying to say is that I believe chivalry is politeness to women without the overbearing sexual connotations of the original idea itself.

…back to essay writing….

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard Any woman who considers a gentleman being polite to her and treating her nicely, is just plain crazy. Give me a good old-fashioned gentleman anytime…:)

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard thank you for your insight. Southern gentlemen are my favorite.

@yankeetooter, here I am, m’dear!

@ziegler, much obliged, ma’am!

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard I’m ready, and could you teach some of these young college students I have class with some manners, as in not to cuss in front of a lady? I had someone doing that for me, but he’s not around to take care of it any more…

@yankeetooter I hear you

@yankeetooter, sure, I’ll be sure and lay the smackdown if I’m ever up your way.

Thanks @ziegler and @Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard Everyone have a good night-I am going to bed to dream of chivalrous gentlemen everywhere…

@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard You hit the nail on the head. Chivalry is on the way out because it’s patronizing and has these creepy sexual overtones. Going out of your way to do something as an act of chivalry just draws attention to the difference between the sexes and gives the whole interaction a transactional feel.

For example, say we’re getting out of the car and you scurry all the way around the car to open my door and offer me a hand. That’s patronizing. But if you’re entering a building ahead of me and hold the door open, that’s just an act of politeness. I hold doors open for others all the time. The difference between the two is that one implies that I’m weaker or in need of protecting.

There is one act of chivalry that I think is still relevant. When I’m meeting with female friends at night, we always travel together as much as possible. If one of the group has to go it alone, we see her to her car or to the metro. If a guy did this, it would be very classy, because it’s more than a gesture.

@Haleth, yeah, you summed up what I meant to say a lot better than I could. Although I do admit that I will go out of my way to be chivalrous there are more than a few girls who know that I’d walk on broken glass through hell for them but I never intend for it to have the weird sexual overtone to it that old-school definition chivalry has.

Personally, I think that the most relevant form of modern chivalry is simply not playing the game.

A gentleman should treat a lady as he would like a lady to treat him. And vice versa. Common courtesy, really.

My mom always told me to be respectful of older people, let them go first, give them my seat, hold the door for them. At my age now there aren’t many older than I am who are up and about, heheheh so I don’t have to do much anymore.

Common ordinary courtesy never goes out of vogue and I don’t think changes with time.

Not farting during foreplay?

Exactly what @Haleth said. I’m not offended if you open the door for me because you got there first, or you’re trying to be polite, so long as you do the same for others’ regardless of gender, which is more common cutesy. But I will assume that you’re doing it for the right reasons until I have reason to believe otherwise.

However, I would not find refraining from cussing in front of me to be flattering or polite. You think I’m somehow going to be scandalized just because I have a vagina? Believe me, even if I had a problem with cussing (which I don’t), it will still be so very, very low on my list of things that bug me – I’ve got better things to do with my time that worry about other people not conforming to certain societal standards with their language.

There is a difference between ‘good manners’ and ‘chivalry’. Holding a door open, not sitting down at a table before all of the women are (two of my nephews do this), and always walking on the sidewalk on the side that is closest to the road (my SO does this) are all nice manners. It doesn’t make them chivalrous.

So, what does chivalry look like today? Well, there is the co-worker who threw his trench coat over my computer when there was a sudden leak in the ceiling. It exists in the very kind man who pulled over on the interstate when I had a flat tire, allowed me to use his cell phone to call for help, and waited until it arrived. He said that he hopes that someone would do the same for his wife if she were in a similar situation.

I’d like to think that there are many acts of chivalry that occur every day, and that they are just not touted.

@MyNewtBoobs I find it very disrespectful when men curse like a sailor in front of me. Yes. An occasional shit is fine, but don’t put fuck in every other sentence.
@Pied_Pfeffer I really enjoyed your answer thank you so much. I honestly have never noticed a guy waiting to sit until ladies sit down but I will now start to look for that. It also bothers me when guys have hats on at the dinner table.

I don’t believe in chivalry, ancient or the modern kind. People of all genders should be equal and expect respect from others, period. Men should act like humans first, humans of character. Take that for what you will. This is what I teach my sons and they never ever hear from my partner or I that ‘men are x y z’.