What do you consider having a connection/chemistry with someone?

Much like chemistry is the simplest of all the sciences, having a relationship in its simplest form is chemistry. Chemistry is something that should come easy to all without having to work at it at all. Chemistry is basic, simple, easy, and just not hard at all to excel at in the least. There’s nothing hard about chemistry. Nothing hard at all.

I think if you are talking about a potential mate, a “connection and chemistry” is something above and beyond just being able to easily talk to someone. It is the proverbial “it” that we just can’t put our finger on. It might start as a feeling of infatuation, but somewhere along the line it turns into something else, the “it.” If you find “it” with somebody else, that is what is going to turn into love, the deep, warm feeling of connectedness that makes you want to be with them and share your life with them.

I know that you have been having some doubts about whether you have that kind of connection with your new boyfriend. And you also said you never really had that “it” feeling with your long time boyfriend (although you did love him). I think that for some people, they never have that “Ah ha” moment or they just have a less intense kind of feeling for their partners although they very well may be perfectly compatible and love their partner. Also, sometimes it takes longer for some people to feel the “it” feeling.

I know it’s different for all people, but for me, I never had any doubts about how I felt about my mate. It was clear and obvious to me, even though it wasn’t immediate. I fell in like, I fell in lust, and then I fell in love. The love part lasts, but the intensity of it changes. And that’s a good thing.

You can also never expect that the way your feelings for one person develop in the same manner or at the same rate as they did for someone else. Each relationship is uniquely different in that way. But for me there has always been a clear indication in my own heart and mind that a particular relationship was a real one or if I was only having brotherly or friendship kind of love with the other person. I could not stay in a relationship with someone where (even if we had a lot of compatibility and common interests) I only felt like he was “just a friend” or “like a brother.” There has to be more, but that’s just me.

You might be having a bit of a hard time right now, because things started to go in a very positive direction with your new fella, but then the old boyfriend popped back in to stir things up. The new guy may or may not be the one for you, but the old boyfriend is definitely not the one. You can love him, and you probably always will have a sweet sense of love for him, but let him go and give this new relationship a chance (un-encumbered by the old boyfriend’s influence). I wish you luck and lots of love. And I hope you find “it.”

I don’t think chemistry can be described, that’s kind of the point. It’s being drawn to someone in a magnetic sense, it’s clicking, it’s fear and lust and being on the same wavelength.

I have a handful of people that I can not see for years, and then pick back up with as if I just saw them yesterday. I consider that connectivity. There are one or two that I have chemistry with. Just the sight of them makes my heart flip; I would walk through fire for them, stop a bullet, donate a kidney, bone marrow, whatever they need from me. Just the sight of them, and a smile is enough. That’s chemistry.

For me a connection is an utterly sublime understanding of the other person. You have a feeling that you get exactly why they feel what they feel. You just get them. The connection is about hearing a person, and about feeling warm and close, like there’s nothing hidden that stands between you. You are transparent to each other. You can talk about anything and trust the other person to love you no matter what. It means you share the same values about how others should be treated.

Connection is different from chemistry. You can have connection without chemistry and chemistry without connection. But the best is having both. When that happens, it’s like soaring souls in the cosmos. Not only are you connected to each other, but you are connected to all spirit in the universe and to the joy and fun of physical interactivity. They all feed each other in a feedback loop that feels like it can blow the top off your head, and can merge your earthy centers into something beyond itself. It is, quite simply, utterly amazing.

Connection can come in many different strengths. There are things that bind you together like shared history and children and other shared pursuits, especially creative ones. These are important for the long term stability of the connection. The stuff I spoke of above is incandescent, but it can also burn itself out quickly, if there is no more to fuel it. And while you are in the midst of the incandescent blaze and it can seem like it must last forever, the flame must be turned down and nursed and fed so that it can grow in a sustainable way.

When you lose touch with each other, you can get angry and bitter and feel lost. It can become very difficult to restore the connection. In my opinion, it helps to have a conscious practice designed to maintain the connection—almost as if you worship each other—or maybe literally worship. I do not mean this in the sense of putting the other on a pedestal. I mean being able to see and honor what you find divine in the other person. It means relaxing yourself so you can open your mind and body and spirit to the other person in a conscious way. l think that actually physically prostrating yourself before the other—and taking turns doing so—can help demonstrate physically and visually this commitment you have to being open to serving this connection, the way a parent serves a baby.

I think that chemistry follows from connection in most cases. I think that chemistry can facilitate the establishment of connection in many cases. It’s a chicken and egg thing. I don’t know which really comes first, but they both build on each other. I think that connection and chemistry are the most important food for our souls. It is beautiful, not base. It is concrete, not fantasy. It is so beautiful that you could write for a thousand years and still not figure out how to describe it, much less explain it.

Being able to have a good and interesting conversation.

I find that I can relate to some people very well and can converse with them frequently. For others, the conversation might just consist of a few greetings (Hi. How are you?) without any discussion of more interesting topics.

wundayatta, awesome answer

Ditto, @wundayatta !

WOW…............ I never thought about all this before. I never understood it either. The whole connection thing that you guys are talking about.