Has anyone ever done their best to get someone's attention, and then at some point you realize what a big fool you've been...

You are not the fool, he is. And, you are so not meant to be the old maid!

Sure, I felt like that after my first marriage ended and for quite some time before I met the man I am married to, now. I didn’t think I would ever get married again. Never thought I could meet Mr. Right.

Well, I’m giving up on meeting someone entirely…I can’t handle the pain, and I can’t conceive of wanting someone else besides him…

I’ve given people a big rush only to find out they were not the person I thought they were, and felt entirely stupid. They started showing an interest in me, and at that point, I wanted to get as far away from them as I could—too much baggage.

Oh, let me tell you about being a fool in trying to get someones attention:
I was 21, on my way to Florida for a 10 day vacation with another girl. We stop partway to spend the night at a hotel and go to take a dip in the pool. Two really cute guys are talking to us and I want to really impress one of them. I do my perfect dive off the diving board. Only I dove too far out and hit the bottom of the pool. I broke my nose, blacked both eyes, busted my lip, tore the skin off between my nose and lip, tore the skin off of my forehead, nose and chin. Also had tore skin off of my shoulder, about the size of a quarter. The guy sees me after I get out and says, “wow that’s a bitch” and leaves. The guy I wasn’t interested in stayed and took care of me.
All that to say, maybe you are looking in the wrong direction, but just don’t know it yet.

@chyna excellent answer

No matter how old you are, @yankeetooter (you’re not over 70, are you?), I’d say give it a little time. It’s fine to practice being attracted to someone, and maybe even better at first if he doesn’t respond than if he does, because that keeps it safe and distant. You might be surprised at how soon you can conceive of wanting someone else, now that you’ve tried the feelings on.

While I know what you say makes sense @Jeruba, it’s just not helping right now…I don’t even want to like someone else…staying alone seems easier than going through the pain of not getting to be with the one you want…

I know, sweetie. Making sense seems pretty useless at the moment, no matter how you may feel at another time. It’s called perspective.

It’s perfectly fine to have those feelings now. And how wonderful it is to know that they’re all in good working order.

I wish my feelings needed a maintenance call, actually…I’d rather not have them working properly right now, but thanks.

@yankeetooter I feel what you feel. There is one small difference, I did find my guy, we spent years together then he died, now I’m stuck in your spot. My only chance to be happy again is when I die and get to meet him again and that’s even if that actually exists, I’m sure gonna hope for it. Life will never be the same again, and I’m not happy without him, he was my happy…I feel you. {{{Hugs}}}

thanks @Meego…I’m sorry you had to go through that…

Me too. If I could change it somehow I would. I get myself out of loneliness by having my own pity party so to say I start to think this stuff happens for a reason and no one will ever like me and if they did I couldn’t act on it anyway…then I have Starbucks :) and daydream alot.

Yuck-I hate coffee! :) He likes coffee though…:(

It’s Just Not Just

Do you have the link to the lyrics, @BarnacleBill. I can’t stomach music right now, especially since he plays the guitar…

@yankeetooter – Pick yourself up and dust yourself off. If you can’t even handle something as simple as listening to a song, you’re way too hurt by a guy you were never with.

Learn to love yourself. Then you’ll find the right guy when you’re least expecting it.

@chyna @Meego Double GA to both

Plenty of times have done my best or gone out of my way to try to get someone’s attention.

But, oh well. If it was not meant to be, then so be it.

@Seelix it is scary how we think alike lately

I just feel too deeply for this guy to let it go that easily…

So there’s this girl on a hill with a kite strapped to her back
She’s crying, “come on, hurry, blow;
pick me up and throw me skywards.”
She’s got a prayer in her mouth and she’s done all of the math
She’s got a feather for a heart, but it still doesn’t guarantee her

‘Cause not everything you run to wants you
(It’s just not just it’s not just it’s just wrong)
And not everything you love will love you
(It’s just not just it’s not just it’s just wrong)

So there’s this boy on a hill with a hammer in his hand
He’s shouting fire in the sky, “come on, turn me into something special.”
And then a storm whips up and the heavens are alive
And he’s wearing copper shoes, but it still doesn’t guarantee him

‘Cause not everything you run to wants you
(It’s just not just it’s not just it’s just wrong)
And not everything you love will love you
(It’s just not just it’s not just it’s just wrong)
It’s the tragedy of dreamers like me and you
(It’s just not just it’s not just it’s just wrong)

It is the tragedy of dreamers that life does not turn out according to dreams. You are not alone.

Thanks @BarnacleBill…I really needed that…and thanks for typing up the lyrics for me…that was sweet…

@BarnacleBill…...Thanks for that….what poignant lyrics…and I like the music, too.

@yankeetooter…..What happens when you marry the person that doesn’t pay attention to you? Or rather, you marry the person who stops paying attention to you right after you marry. (You get their attention, but you shouldn’t have, really.) Years of amazing heartache, feeling like you were hit by a truck, finding photos of someone else hidden in a drawer, stubs from expensive gifts that weren’t for you (and you get another bunch of flowers from the petrol station), sleeping with your face toward the wall so he won’t see how much pain you are in, hot tears stinging your face night after night, having to pretend in front of family and friends that everything is okay, when it most clearly it is not, all that expended energy into the lie…and the whole time you keep wondering, “What on earth was he thinking? And why couldn’t I have figured that out before this happened? ” And then you realize that it’s not about you (but that takes a long time) and you finally pack your bags and exit. You feel the pain, but not as much because there is this sense of outbreath, too. You are flapping your wings and it hurts, but you realize that if you keep running toward freedom, eventually a wind will pick you up and take you as far away as possible to a new life. And it does.

But you (thankfully) were spared that drama.

Don’t give up…think of it as a blessing in disguise. I promise you, it’s not about you. It is so very, very not about you….beautiful, wondrous, fantastically beautiful human being, you. Someone with the clearest vision to see all the beauty in you is coming and never settle for anything less than that.

Crying @DarlingRhadamanthus…

Well, sweetheart….you absolutely deserve the best and nothing less.

Get yourself a cup of tea, dust yourself off and remember (as Scarlett O’Hara said once): “Tomorrow is another day.”

You don’t want to get the attention of someone…you see. You want that person to notice you on their own…and let them strive to get your attention. All you have to do is shine from that light that is in your soul. The ones that don’t notice, aren’t worth fretting too much about. Promise.

Be good to yourself. (((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))

Thanks… @DarlingRhadamanthus

@yankeetooter I met my husband when I 100% was not looking for anyone else to enter my life. It sounds cliche` but for me it was true. Do not look for it, love will find you.

Right now you’re in your 3rd or 4th year of college, right…Just get through that. It’s an amazing goal to go back and achieve.

Who knows where or when Mr. Right will show up. When you meet him, be present in your life. Be confident in who you are. Then, he won’t pass you by.

@blueiiznh {{{Hug}}} :)
@yankeetooter I have to admit, my life right now is grief filled, but it seems your filling your life with grief and you haven’t even lived yet. How do you know what you are missing when you haven’t even had it yet? My husband fell into my hands as well when I was stuck all over this other guy who played me like a fiddle really, it is true love finds you, you don’t find it. Life usually doesn’t play out the way you plan on it…I have learned that. Many more great personalities await even I know that, I am just not ready for it yet. Don’t look past other great guys or if you are so sure this guy is the one get up the guts and straight out ask him, you’ll soon find out if he really is right for you or not.

I was prone to do this with boys in high school. I remember one summer camp I made a complete fool of myself. I should have been paying more attention to my books and not boys.

Only in my schooldays. Basically any boy who fancied a girl would peform a random act of mild violence. Throwing snowballs at the object of your desire or pulling ponytails, that kind of thing. You know…....neanderthal bullshit!

Totally. I was very young (early teens) when I decided I was “in love” with a much older man. I was desperate to get his attention and made a fool out of myself more than once in the process. When I became “legal” (16 years old in the UK) he was, all of a sudden, interested. Luckily by then my infatuation had died.

It didn’t stop my attraction to older men though. Just assholes such as this one.

Thanks, @Meego , @cazzie , @ucme , and @Leanne1986 , but I’m 40, and it just feels to me right now that I’m not going to meet someone else that I feel about this strongly.

@yankeetooter You felt strongly but he didn’t. If you let love happen, you will both feel the same way.

Sure. I met a man once that was attracted to me, asked me out, turned into a wonderful friend, was responsible, compassionate, confident, funny, attractive, healthy, single, no children yet, homeowner, steady job, blah-blah-blah. He liked me, a lot but I didn’t fit his big picture and so I had to ease off my feelings which had grown deep and stop fantasizing about a life I imagined with him because it wasn’t going to happen and there was nothing “wrong”, just not enough right or right timing.

Once you get past the sting and open yourself up to other people showing interest, you’ll find more than a few Mr. Rights and maybe one of them will be Mr. Right Time and Mr. Right Place too.

Thanks @Neizvestnaya:

For a little over seven months, this guy has been on my mind almost constantly. When I’ve been having a bad day, all I have to do is think of him, or of seeing him again, or of the last time we talked, and everything would be okay again…Now everything just feels so empty to me…I can imagine not seeing him or talking to him or laughing with him…everything seems purposeless…

I don’t know how I got myself so wrapped up in everything about him…but I have…and now I can’t conceive of not being around him…I find myself not caring about anything if I can’t have him…
Pretty screwed up, huh?

@yankeetooter: Infatuation is intoxicating and just a little quip from them during the day seems better than food but reality can be yours with a little patience and planning distractions for yourself like catching up on long pushed off chores, projects, visits, etc. It does get easier once you wean from the little endorphin bursts you associate with that person. A few months and it will seem almost funny to you.

@Neizvestnaya I hope so, although I have my doubts about the funny part. It will be hard though because I have to take classes on the same campus, and often in the same building. Avoiding him may be problematic at times…and I know that even a glimpse of him is going to open up some old wounds…

Have you ever told this guy how you feel? Infatuation is a pretty intense/weird/strong/nice feeling. If you knew how he felt about you, then maybe it would be a bit more justifiable and you wouldn’t feel so silly. Really it could go either way, he could like you or not. Like in my case with the guy I was “infatuated” with b4 my husband once I found out what he was REALLY like, the infatuation died fast…it’s not fun when you put your heart into someone that gives you back basically the relationship of a dead fish because the only interest is one sided…it hurts more that way. It took me about a year to get over the idiot and the last conversation I had with him was he was coming over to visit, which he used to do all the time, but this time he never showed up, I waited all night for him, making excuses, and then about 5 months later our mutual friend tells me the guy got married 3 months after he stood me up!!!! AFAIK he is happily married for the last 8 yrs, he even gave up his parental rights to his ex to be with the new wife! My daughter and his daughter were friends, they were always together, which meant it was rare we had time alone. Only way you’ll know is to find out, so I say stop your secret obsession and tell him how you really feel, you’ll never know unless you try. ;)

Yeah, @meego if I can get within five feet of him to talk to him, and he doesn’t run/drive in the other direction…

He didn’t really run, but just seems to making a beeline out of the building after class lately, when he knows I’m in the lobby studying. He goes out the other exit, when he could just as easily walk by and say good night. Then the other night, when I was walking near his car in the parking lot (and I know he saw me), and I was going to try and at least say hi, he peeled out of the parking space, and left via the entrance (against the one way sign), doing about 40 miles per hour. That seemed pretty clearcut to me…:(