Is it just joking or flirting?

Yikes, what did your husband say about it?

i dont know. i have to confront him still. i know he wouldnt cheat on me .. i;m not sure how to confront this .. i saw the 2 pictures on his computer, as he took it with his cell phone. i thought maybe he felt flattered.. i need lots advice

I agree that it is unprofessional and inappropriate. I would ask him about it, honestly. It may be uncomfortable, but that sounds like a line crossed, to me.

it does doesnt it? i want to speak this the girls that wrote that on the wall.. or who do i talk to? the manager? this is tearing me up inside

even thou this happened last year

This happened last year and you never asked him about it? Ask him, first.

no i saw it recently..yeah i’ll ask him first..

Some work places are very close, and flirty behavior can be the norm. Don’t get too panicked just yet. Definitely talk to your husband about it, but try to remain calm. Also, don’t forget, he can’t necessarily control what others do.

Yes, that’s true too. That is why I was understandable on the issue. But to a degree, this is just so upsetting to me.

My guess is it’s just joking – but it’s still highly unprofessional and should not be happenning in the workplace.

The thing that bothers me too is that how can this be stopped. Aside from talking to my husband about it. That whole town is unprofessional, how do I know it will be stopped? That is why I thought he should or I talk to the manager of their department?

I just want to say thank you so much for your feedback.

The another part that angers me is that his birthday was 2 and half months after we just got married. How rude.

I think I would talk to my spouse/partner and say that I saw the photographs of the party favors on his phone and would ask how it made him feel. I would say that I was uncomfortable with the unprofessional tone of the event, as his spouse, and would inquire as to whether other people in the office have been treated similarly.

I would not over-react but would handle it in a matter of fact fashion. I certainly would not talk to the manager about it as I wouldn’t want to do anything that might jeopardize my husband’s job. I also think my talking to the department manager would be as unprofessional as the party appears to have been. Unless you also work there, I just don’t think talking to the manager is the way to go.

If your husband was uncomfortable or indicates that he would be if they did it again, you might suggest that HE talk to the manager. If it didn’t bother him or he laughed it off, I certainly wouldn’t push it. I would let him know that it did make me feel a bit jealous (or whatever feeling/s you are having) just for the sake of open and honest communication in the relationship.

You can’t control how other people are going to behave, you can’t know that the behavior will be stopped. All you can do is express how it made YOU feel to your husband. Particularly as this event occurred so long ago, he may not understand why this is bothering you now, so you will probably have to explain that.

You can also turn this situation around and let him know that you want to meet him at home for lunch on his next birthday (with the appropriate wink) and let him know that you are the “real deal” and will ensure that he enjoys his birthday celebration with you. If I am not clear here, I am implying that you promise him a “quickie” or, better yet, suggest that you both take his birthday as a day off and that you will ensure he has a good time. Indicating that he can “have his cake and eat it too . . .”

when I was in New Zealand, my boyfriend at the time worked for a very unprofessional office. There were dramas and romances all the time and it was like some soap opera or something. They constantly picked on or teased anyone who didn’t ‘fit in’. My boyfriend and I were going on an overseas trip that left very early in the morning and we went out for Friday drinks with ‘the gang’ like we usually did, but as a joke, they stole his keys and broke into our flat. They took toilet paper and papered the entire house. As it was, we got home quite late as it was and I was looking forward to just a few hours sleep before we had to get up and get to the airport. To come home to that mess was too much. I burst into tears and asked why his friends hated me so much and refused to clean up the mess. He defended them and said I was overreacting…. that relationship didn’t last long.

Work mates can do really stupid things to each other and have all sorts of ‘inside jokes’ or ‘you had to be there’ jokes that make spouses and SOs feel stupid. I really didn’t care if they had just done it to him, but it was my house too. I guess you can feel glad that they kept it at the office.

Surprises me that he didn’t show you what they did though, so you could share in the joke. That ‘lover #’ business requires a question or two.

I think if your relationship is fine and he loves where he works than its not your call. Is it unprofessional? Yes, however some offices function best when everyone feels like family.
When my husband was in the service the best functioning units where the ones where they would have a little fun now and then. Moral was very high and so was productivity. In the stiff and so call professional ones, people would be walking zombies. Things wouldn’t get done right or efficiently and at times not at all. True there is a fine line to be walked and one must be aware of sexual harrassment but office flirting will never be completely gone. Trust that your husband knows how to handle things at work that is in the best interest of all. If your not too comfortable with that, than pay him a visit now and then for lunch and offer to take some of his co-workers to lunch so you get to know them and have a better understanding of how his office functions. You’ll be amazed at what co-workers reveal to spouses.

I would have said something to him a long time ago.Some of the people in his office might be unprofessional,but what are you going to do about that?? Just tell your husband it bothers you and be done with it.You can’t control what others do,not even him.;)
Just let it goooooooooo

@augustlan nails it as far as what to think about the woman’s behaviour. We don’t know but you might know what’s the norm in that office. I know with one exception nothing anywhere near that suggestive would be tolerated in where I’ve worked (that exception was 30 yrs ago in a small company where some of the best performing manufacturing staff smoked hash while on the line). Add @ANef_is_Enuf we want to know what is his real reaction/response ! You have have plenty of right to ask about it, bring it up gently and respectfully.

The iffy part is you mention you just found out about this recently even though it happened last year. That can be read 2 ways…either he was highly embarrassed about it or there is more to the story.

But look at it this way…he must be well liked by his co-workers for them to go through that much trouble. I see it as since he was just married to you these women took it upon themselves to tease him with the flirty salacious cake and lover name thing since he was no longer a single guy. It sounds like harmless fun to me as I doubt that these women would do something so over the top in public at the office if there was more to the story. I would just show you are not bothered by such boorish antics at the office.

It does seem a little strange, and pretty unprofessional, but I think it’s probably harmless. Like @augustlan said, he can’t necessarily control what others do.

As for the boobyquake thing, do you remember Boobquake from last spring? It may have been something as simple as a discussion about the news at the office that turned into a joke.

So far as the Lover #3 and 4… I really don’t know what that’s all about. Seems strange.

Talk to him about it, ask him why he didn’t tell you – I bet it’s because he didn’t see it as a big deal, because it was just silly and harmless, and he didn’t want to tell you because he knew you’d be upset.

Let us know what happens – I’m interested in knowing why his coworkers decided to do that.

It could be a joke. Perhaps (if he’s a straight guy), some other guy did it. You never know.

Thank you, you all have awesome points. All which have gone through my head.

And yes @Seelix I agree with you. I think if he told me I would have gotten upset. I’m a stay at home mother for quite awhile and he works away during the week. All I know is what he has told me like he got a nice gift from the office for our wedding and was told he’d broken alot of hearts (joking I’m sure) and he also said being married was more of a magnet than ever.

I also realized I’d probably get less upset if I were working.
@lucillelucillelucille, I agree I just want to let this go of this.. it’s time.

I think his coworkers know something you don’t. Most coworkers are privy to more than they’d share with their spouses because they spend the most awake time there. I’d ask him about it and say you think it’s pretty tasteless and then ask him if there’s anything to the inuendo he’d like to share with you.

What he’s mentioned to you about breaking a lot of hearts and being more of a magnet than ever… to me that sounds as like a guy setting the stage to make an excuse of his own flirting and/or indiscretion if discovered.

@ohbrother To some dumbass people, seeing that a person is married is an extra magnet but if you can’t trust your partner, they’re the least of your problems.