How can I stop a 14 year old niece to keep adding "friends" on Facebook?

You can’t. Her parents can, or she can, but you have no say in the matter.

@MyNewtBoobs said it all.

Do her parents know?

I have seen a lot of grown men with the same syndrome. Old guys that have 500+ hot, young chicks on their page. I guess it makes them feel important.

Tell her parents.

I dunno, I feel gross if I have a person over 70. Hopefully she’ll grow out of it.

@MyNewtBoobs @erichw1504 @downtide and the rest, sorry I did not include that her father’s in drug rehab for years now and her mom’s gone. She’s with my sister’s family and I’m financing her schooling and everything else. My sister and her husband are good people but are unable to sway her. Adding to my challenge is the fact that she is overseas and we just communicate by phone.

@mazingerz88 If your footing the bills, you are the acting parent/guardian here. Tell her to stop or the consequence will be you cutting her off FB until she’s 18. If she continues after that, it’s computer for homework only.

There isn’t much harm in it. You live and you learn. The next time the subject comes up look at her and slightly raise an eyebrow. That can communicate quite a lot.

If you are her guardian, then it is your responsibility to set the rules. Slightly raised eyebrow? I don’t think so. If you don’t like it and don’t think that it’s safe for her, then put a stop to it. There are many ways to do this, but one thing you really do not want to do (and this is the voice of experience talking) is to let your kids be the boss.

I am sorry to say it is probably up to your sister and her husband to control this by cutting off the internet access. I guess my 14 year old girl has watched enough Law and Order to realize why this would be a bad idea. (I will also give some credit my parenting skills. patting myself on the back)

Unfortunately, it seems like this is a prolific trend/ syndrome, especially among popularity-hungry teens. Having 500 FB friends, even if they’re older foreign men she’s (hopefully!) never met, makes her appear to be “better” than someone maintaining a mere 20 ties with real-life friends. Good luck telling a 14-year-old girl anything, regardless of your status in her life. Sorry to sound cynical and generally advice-free, but that’s how things are these days…

If you are her guardian, make sure you have her password and let her know in no uncertain terms that you are the gatekeeper. Tell her that you expect her to unfriend anyone who is not an actual friend, relative or shoolmate and you will sit there and watch while she unfriends them. Then tell her that you will be checking her Facbook account regularly and if she starts adding more “unacceptable” people, then you will cancel her account immediately. It is up to you to explain to her why having strange people, especially grown men, as friends on her account is setting her up for potentially dangerous situations, and short of that, it is likely to give her a horrible reputation. Don’t be a friend to your niece, be an adult.

@mazingerz88 Your sister should have the password to her FB account (in my opinion). They need to make sure her privacy settings are set up (granted even those have limits, but something is better than nothing). Then they can also go through and remove any friends she doesn’t know in real life. From there, they need to explain to her why she shouldn’t have a bunch of strangers getting access to her information and warn her that if she does it again, she will lose internet privileges. (At least, that’s what I would do if this was my child.)

@EVERYBODY….thanks Im definitely going to follow your good advices and start now. My sister and her husband should really exert authority on the list of friends she has and delete the questionable ones. Following updates on facebook really takes a lot of time, precious time that she needs to focus on catching up with her studies. Agree I have to behave like an adult and not a friend.

If she really is just adding people to increase her number of friends, what’s the harm?

@nikipedia that seems to be a common sentiment as well with some people I’ve asked but its different when some on the friends list ends up talking about suicides etc. I mean yes, maybe nothing bad will happen but shouldn’t you try and make sure of that?

Teens typically get to a point where they feel that they are mature enough to make their own judgement calls and not risk bodily harm. The challenge is that this isn’t always the case. Fourteen is typically an age when they should start being treated in a more adult-like way.

Have you asked the niece why she has ~500 Facebook friends? Asking open-ended questions like that may help to keep her from going on the defense. You might also be surprised at what she offers as an explanation. I can think of about a half a dozen things that she might say that would be acceptable.

…I just saw your last post show up, and I think I’m missing the point ‘some of the friends list ends up talking about suicides, etc.’ You might be able to get her to whittle down her friend count, but how do you stop some on the existing list to not post topics that you approve of? Trying to protect her from postings like this isn’t limited to Facebook. If the suicide topic is a specific concern, isn’t that something to discuss one-on-one? I realize that you are in different locations, but it can be done over the phone. (Have you considered web-camming with her? It’s a step better than over the phone and it’s free.)

@Pied_Pfeffer Yes. Will do all that. Thanks. Wish me good luck.

@Pied_Pfeffer You may have some points. I was more concerned with predatory men and a 14 year old girl due to the messaging that can go on.

@mazingerz88 We all wish you the best of luck with this! I think the most important point for both you to stay focused on is that you only want what is best for her.

@optimisticpessimist Thank you. I’ll confess, that was my first reaction was about creepy internet predators as well. (Plus, a quick eye-roll about teens that seem to want to collect ‘Facebook Friends’ just to increase the count.)

The most important thing is probably for her to know a few really scary true stories about girls talking to boys/men on the phone or facebook, who they have never met before, and if they go to meet them they wind up raped and/or dead, or if they post anyting that could help a predator find them, like where they are at the moment, if they are home alone, their routine, the predator might find them. No writing “having dinner at Cheesecake Factory in Boca.” She is old enough to have the crap scared out of her about the risk. If you take away her computer and her phone, there is still the library, or her friend’s computer, etc. I agree parents/guardians should have passwords, but the truth is they can make a dummy facebook page for you, and a different one for their friends. What she needs most is a dose of reality, knowledge, to be safe.

I think there are programs for spying on the little tykes so you know what chat sites they go on and what is said. Then pose as a stalking creeper and follow her as she changes sites and names. Eventually she will get spooked and stay away. LOL
Of course with permission of her parents. If they don’t object than there is nothing you can do. If you are her guardian than go with it.
There are also programs to shut her out but that will only prevent her from using the computers at home.

What comes to my mind is; Would you let a strange person stand outside her bedroom window and listen in on her conversations? Would you let her give a handful of photos of herself and her friends to a stranger on the street? Would you allow her to invite a stranger to hang out with her and her friends? Because that is essentially what is happening when strangers have access to her Facebook page.