I’m really confused. How do you know when it’s “time to leave something behind?” What does it mean to let it be part of the past?
We have a couple of examples in what @yankeetooter and @Mariah wrote. @yankeetooter writes ” the motivation for maintaining these good life choices can fade…and where does that leave you? Directionless, lonely, and questioning what you really want out of life…”
@Mariah says that she doesn’t know how not to be sick. Then she lists a set of behaviors she wants. She wants to be more comfortable with her body so she doesn’t go the ER at “the drop of a hat.” She wants to relax about changes in her body and stop catastrophizing. She wants to let go of fear and sorrow because she believes she doesn’t need it any more, but her mind is still thinking in old patterns.
@yankeetooter is afraid she won’t take care of herself any more. She fears that life has lost its meaning for her. She placed all her meaning in this relationship, as she did, it sounds, in a prior relationship. For her, life is about being in a deep relationship with a man.
I think this is not an issue of leaving something in the past. In fact, that is true for @Mariah as well. The issue here is imagining what you want in the future, and then seeking it. Perhaps @yankeetooter wants another good relationship. She can work on finding that. Or perhaps she wants to learn to be stable in and on her own. It’s not clear. But the first step is to define what you want, so you can work towards. it. It should not be defined in a negative—what you want to get away from.
@Mariah has defined some goals. She wants to learn how to behave as if she were healthy. She wants to learn to live as a healthy person. In her mind, she still sees herself as a sick person. But she knows this and she knows where she wants to go.
The first thing for @Mariah then, is to clear up her vision of what it means to be healthy. It’s not enough to say “I don’t want to be sick.” You have to envision how to be healthy and what healthy behaviors look like. Then you can use mindfulness or some other mental technique to retrain your way of thinking.
I’m not going to go into mindfulness training here. If you meditate and do yoga, you’re off to a great start.
What interests me about this question is that it is about running away from something instead of towards something. When you are running away, you have no idea where you are going. You could be going anywhere—even back to where you came from. You have to run towards something, and in order to do that, you have to define what you want to run towards. Once you do that, you can make a plan. You probably won’t get to where you thought you wanted to be, but you will get someplace and it will be different from where you were.
However, I also want to question the idea of running away at all. Your experiences have been valuable and have taught you a lot. You don’t need to fight them. You can incorporate their lessons into your life. In fact, if you embrace them, that can make it easier to move somewhere else.
Your experiences are a part of you. There is no need to cast them away. So often, we fight with ourselves and it is so unnecessary. In fact, your experiences have given you many strengths. You can use those strengths as a place to build your future from. So another thing to do is to reflect on what you have learned from these experiences.
I’ve come through a serious bout with mental illness in the past few years. It has taught me compassion and made me capable of a level of empathy I never could have had before. It has also given me a lot of knowledge about a particular subject area. I have made relationships that I would never have had otherwise, and some of them are the most important relationships in my life.
I say, don’t run. Build. You have a strong core. Build on it. Build on what you know of yourself and build it in a shape you want. You are not rebuilding. You are building. Knowing that can make a huge difference.