Why do so many people choose duty over personal happiness?

For me, and I haven’t answered your other question yet, it’s because I enjoy doing for others. So it’s partially selfish on my part because I feel better about myself knowing that I helped other people. So even choosing to do something that helps others over doing something that would bring me more personal happiness, I’m still getting some happiness. Even in things I don’t like to do, just knowing I helped someone else makes up for it.

I hae to say I am always balancing the two and have often chosen personal happiness over duty so I guess I can’t answer this question.

When I’m dead and gone, it won’t matter if I was happy all my life. All that’ll matter is what impact I had on others and on the world at large.

I have often wondered about this as well though in a slightly different capacity. What say I am offered a really awesome job while I have a great relationship. If I turn down the job because it would mean breaking up with my SO, I am considered stupid for letting my current happiness getting in the way of my future success. I heartily disagree wit this sentiment. I think it is more important for a person to be happy than it is for a person to have job success. Then again, I also don’t define success by how well I do my job or how much money I make. I measure my success based on my happiness.

I think a lot of it is society. I think most of us have felt pressured throughout our lives to accomplish certain things, and to put others before ourselves. I think this particularly applies to women. Most of the women that I know have a habit of putting others first to the point that it is detrimental to themselves.
KatawaGrey makes a good point that illustrates how society may factor in.

We’re a co-dependent country, always in everyone elses biz. and neglecting our own.

Neglecting oneself in the name of service is not service at all, it’s martydom, and we all know what happens to martyrs, they get burned at the stake.

There is no heroism in being a doomat, infact, many, many supposedly ‘selfless’ people are really working from a hidden agenda, the agenda to be SEEN as the all giving, sacrificial lamb.

And again, what happens to sacrificial lambs?

They are easily led to slaughter. lol

I don’t believe in ‘duty’, I believe in freedom of choice.

I don’t have to answer,now that I see @Coloma‘s response.
Well said! :)

I think of duty as someone I’ve agreed to do and so yes, I’m going to uphold that if I can before I take on something else such as a want of my own.

We’re all told that being selfish (in most forms) is wrong. I used to believe it, but I don’t really buy it now lol.

Selfish is one part of being self focused. Other parts are pride, being consumed by fear (to the point of where they cannot function), shyness, and a few others. The commonality of these is self.

Denying your self for the benefit of others is called Altruism. Any decent mother or father is altruistic. What parent has not walked the floor all night with a sick child, or otherwise denied him/herself comfort to help a little one?

Where would any culture be without altruistic parents? Our children are our future. It’s just common sense to be the model of what you want your children to become, and to teach them to value it.

This is because when we are old, THEY will be taking care of us, and you sure don’t want selfish people caring for you when you can’t care for yourself.

For all those who have not grown up damaged and self absorbed, giving back to the greater community which we recognize has goven so much to us brings happiness. Doing our duty makes us happy. When we feel we should act altruistically, and yet we do not, it leaves us feeling lousy. So in a way, acting alturistically is selfish in that it makes the altruistic person fell good about themselves and what they have given back to the community that supports them.

false dichotomy. service is fulfilling and will make you happy.

Happiness is fleeting. You do things that you “think” are going to make you happy, only to find that you’re not. According to Daniel Gilbert’s “Stumbling on Happiness,” it’s anticipation and projection of future events that brings happiness, not the actual attainment. You can never be happy if the cost of your happiness is payed by someone else’s unhappiness.

The pursuit of personal happiness at the expense of all else is a darn good way to ram this great (and messy) ship called Civilization right into the rocks. More personally, it’s a good way to bring about your own ruin.
I have a relative who did that. Before he got his life turned around, he was living in a garbage-filled shack in a quarry out in the boondocks, irregularly employed and on less-than-good terms with the family.

Well to me putting your duty before happiness is to me since it’s something you have to do… Happiness can come later as time passes. But all I can say is that I would rather put happiness before duty since school…and all the stuff I’m learning now has NOTHING to do with my career that I’m going to do later on in life (except band) But I also think…you can get happiness from almost anything… Or satisfaction…But It’s something I can’t answer to the fullest, since I’m still a naive teenager going through puberty so I can’t fully understand…But I can give you my own opinion and that’s what I think.

Some answers I can think of:

Indoctrination People are indoctrinated to “follow the system” so they just do so without question. see Lemmings urban legend.

MBTI Personality People with SJ (Sensing + Judging) personality types are known as Guardians and are more likely to carry out their duties. People with a more intuitive nature (N instead of S in “SJ”) are more likely to question the wisdom of following conventional notions of “duty.” George Washington, for example, was a ISTJ and was very duty bound. Ayn Rand, on the other hand, was an INTJ and advocated a philosophy of ethical egoism.

Fear Some countries (e.g. Libya) have brutal regimes. If people do not do exactly as told, they will be severely punished or even killed.

Greed Sometimes, people might think (rightfully or not) that following duty will lead to personal happiness. One variation is a karmic view that basically states that what goes around comes around. Another variation is that doing one’s duty will give one a better reputation, perhaps giving one better chances for promotion, etc.

The above do not necessarily reflect my views.

I don’t follow conventional ideas of duty, just the ones that I think are important, you know? Why I choose duty depends on the duty in question. For instance, the duty to protect my children is a must. I’d lay down my life to save theirs in an instant. The (conventional) duty to honor (or at least take care of) my mother, on the other hand, is just not going to happen. My feelings on both of these are likely a direct result of my own childhood, during which my mother did not protect me.

Let’s take the duty to do my job well. I do that for entirely different reasons. A good work ethic, the belief that anyone paying for my skills deserves my best efforts, and the satisfaction I get in a job well-done. And let’s not forget the motivation to keep bringing home that paycheck.

Now, would I live my entire life in misery in order to ‘do my duty’? No. Something would have to give. I might be willing to die for someone, but I’m not willing to kill myself over them.

Duty can significantly contribute to our well being, as long as it doesn’t get out of hand. Engagement and accomplishments are very important. But so are positive relationships and being part of something bigger.

My friend, america is not motivated by selfishness but by competition. So I do not find it ironic at all because as an american I was always raised with a strong sense of duty to my country, community and family.
Also you are assuming that personal happiness is only obtained through selfishness, but this assumption is false. Even in the scenario you gave with the soul mate, to have a lasting and happy relationship with this soul mate you would no doubt have to put aside selfishness as every meaningful relationship consists of certain compromises
I hope this has helped clear your confusion

Here’s something for you. I’m a twisted soul who often gets personal fulfillment from being able to do my duty/obligations.