Shall I contact him, or play it cool?
I feel a little bit immature asking this, but I’m having a hard time making a decision! Recently sparks have been flying between me and this guy from my course at uni. We’ve had the ‘I like you/ I like you back’ conversation, but I said I wasn’t ready to get into another relationship so soon from getting out of another (got out of a year and a half relationship a month ago) – and he said he’d wait as long as I needed. But obviously as we spend so much time together it’s makes it more hard and awkward by avoiding anything romantic, when it is so clearly there. Anyway, last week we both left to go home for easter for a week and he kissed me before he went. I was quite awkward about it, even though i reeeally like him, just because I was worried about rushing. Now I’ve had time to think, I think the right way to go would be to stop trying to avoid ‘the relationship’ label, and just go with the flow and take the relationship slow… instead of trying to keep to the friend boundary any longer.
I haven’t heard from him since the kiss happened, and I’m not sure if thats because he wants me to be the one to contact him or because he thinks he should just leave me alone for a week until we get back to uni… or if it’s because he’s decided he doesn’t actually like me. I’m aware I’m thinking far too much about this! but please help should I text him? Or should I wait for him… And even if he doesn’t contact me should I just wait to see him when we get back to uni? He’s made a lot of the first moves and this is the first time he’s held out from talking to me, so I’m just not sure what to think/do. I’m so rubbish with this sort of thing. And I really don’t want to come across as clingy, but I think that because I’ve been worrying about this so much I may have come across as the opposite… I just don’t want to mess this up!
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13 Answers
Why don’t you just call him and ask to take him out for coffee or to go for a walk in the park.
Those are nice dates without any pressure.
Have fun! :)
I would write him a short note that says “Hi. I liked the way you said goodbye before break.”
It shows you are open to his affection, and you have been thinking about him, but also shows just a bit of restraint.
It sounds to me like you’re over thinking all of this. Why not just enjoy the beginning stages of flirting/kissing/dating without worrying about where it might lead.
I’d go straight up, flirt and kiss him back. Since you’re not near him right now, flirt via text and ask him out to a low-pressure “date” as stated above by @lucillelucillelucille
No harm in texting and just saying, “looking forward to seeing you again when we get back.” Not too clingy but he’ll get the message that you liked the kiss.
Since you have come to a decision about the relationship going forward, you should contact him and let him know about the change.
Since you said you weren’t ready, you should let him know that has changed.
Yeah i know he needs to know that, it’s just he seemed to be trying to push it forwards anyway. I’ll let him know when i see him next. Thanks for all the answers, i text him and we’re having a really nice conversation now :) i just need to get the confidence to make the moves when i feel like it, instead of leaving him to do all the work! the new plan is to think less, and just go with the flow!
@rclaireh The next time you see him, a hug and a kiss might be a nice “Hello & how’ve you been!”
Congratulations. My general principle in relationships is to express my feelings. Playing games is for insincere people. If you really care, say that. I would never want to be involved with someone who played games with me about who calls who first. Not my thing.
You have made the right decision. Follow your feelings. Be honest about them. If you get hurt, so be it. It’s better than not having given yourself a chance. He sounds like he’s sincere. Maybe he was busy or something. Do you know yet why he didn’t text you sooner?
Have fun!
Text him that you miss him, while you’re on your trip. See what he says. When he gets back, ask him out to go for a walk or for coffee. Tell him that you’ve been thinking about him and that you realize that you said you weren’t ready for a relationship, but because you have started to have feelings for him, that you didn’t think you would feel for anybody for a long while, you think you would like to start dating him and getting to know him better and what does he think about that.
Be prepared that he may be a little gun-shy now, considering that you did tell him that you weren’t ready. He may be concerned that what you are saying is different from what you actually need, which may be time. So if he says he now wants to wait a little bit, give it some patience. It sounds like he already likes you a lot and sometimes that’s all it takes to get a new relationship moving forward, even if you weren’t sure you were ready for it.
I’d say you both are jumping the gun as Easter is not until April 24th. Play it cool until then!
Go with the flow, I suppose you can play it a bit cool until after Easter but after that go out with him, take it slow and try to figure out if he’s ok to me more than a friend.
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