What have we learned from movies?

I’m going to plug a website run by a friend of my older brother because it’s totally relevant to this post.

I learned that “expectorating” means “to spit” from the song “Gaston” in Beauty and the Beast. That’s not a bad movie, but I think it’s neat that a Disney song improved my vocabulary.

“You should have bought the squirrel.” “Rat Race.”

@muppetish You have just made my day. Thanks for the link!

The .44 Magnum is the world’s most powerful handgun. It can blow your head clean off.

Zuul is the Gatekeeper.

Darth is Luke’s dad.

The Krell civilization used to live on Altair 4, up until some time about 200,000 years ago.

Soylent green is PEEPULL!!

I learned how to sleep in public when I went to see The DaVinci Code. :)

I learned how to make dynamite from Fight Club, and soap.

I have learned from several movies, the most recent being Season of the Witch (a fantastically cheesy movie that I recommend to all lovers of Nick Cage) that if you start talking about missing your home and your loved ones, you’re going to be the first to die.

RIP Hughes

If you are an evil genius about to do something extraordinarily evil and you capture that handsome and troublesome secret agent, don’t give him a private apartment in your secret lair, swanky new clothes and make him a dinner guest and brag about your plans to him. Don’t assume your diabolical scheme to kill him slowly will work without your continued personal attention. Indeed, why don’t you just shoot him, genius? (This one thanks to: every James Bond movie, the Austin Powers movies and The Incredibles.)

Buckaroo Bonzai: no matter where you go, there you are

I learned from Fatal Attraction that if you are going into a scorching hot affair with a woman who was good in bed ( or in this case the elevator and the kitchen ) you better find someone who is also a good chef, so when she boils the rabbit, she would have at least added potatoes, carrots and some spices.

Your wife cheats on you? Go to the guy’s house and kill him with a snowglobe, you might get away with it.

I think Blazing Saddles was the first time I ever related “letting off wind!” to certain foods!!

Not to fuck around….literally…. with bunny boilers. Dem dames is cwazy I tell ya! Fatal Attraction would be the movie in question.

I have learned from several movies that it’s possible to rent a luxury appartment in Manhattan on the wages of a waitress.

Also: guns can fire at least two dozen rounds without needing to be reloaded, and people who have been shot will fly two feet up into the air before falling over.

I learned that if I’m an inexperienced secretary, but have a lady boss, it doesn’t matter how hard she struggled to get to where she is in an all-male cutthroat industry; all I have to do to get an executive job like hers if I think I have a better business idea is steal her identity when she’s laid up ill and sleep with the potential client.

Thanks, Working Girl!

Also, I’ve learned that moistened bints lobbing scimitars is no basis for a system of government.

If there’s a murder, and an unnecessary sibling in the picture, they did it.

Things I’ve learned:

If you hear a strange noise outside at night, do NOT go to the door, open it and say “Hello? is anyone there?”

If your best friend is about to retire from the force and live happily ever after, he is about to be killed by a criminal genius scumbag.

At night, cats like to leap out and screech at you for no reason, scaring the absolute bejeezus out of you.

After mass murdering numerous foreigners in your wife’s skyscraper, simply jump in a limo and drive away. The police have no questions for you.

If some crazy maniac with a chainsaw is chasing you around and you somehow manage to incapacitate him…then dismember him to pieces right now while you have the chance! Because knocking him out will NOT stop him and he WILL come back after you. Man people in slasher flicks are stupid lol.

“When you have to shoot, shoot, don’t talk!” Tuco Benedicto Pacifico Juan Maria Ramirez (alias Eli Wallach) In The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.

@aprilsimnel the Monty Python reference made me laugh so hard I almost peed

I have learned:
Being a street prostitute is no barrier to landing a handsome billionaire.

You can break the rules when visiting a chocolate factory after winning a golden ticket, and you will still get to own it, but only if you are the last child standing.

It is possible to outrun an explosion, a tornado or flying debris.

Putting a drunk under a cold shower will instantly sober them up and no matter how drunk they are, they will still be incredibly handsome (I’m looking at you, Paul Newman)

If you have sex at a summer camp, you will die.

Action heroes are self lubricating and will instantly sweat a thin coating of baby oil upon removing their shirt.

When visiting a spooky house, if someone is seated in a chair facing away from you in a semi darkened room, they are already dead.

If you are the 6th guy on the ‘away team’, you’re the dead one. (tv)

The town drunk dies first.

Piano accordion = France.

If you fall from a building or are pushed, you will land on the roof of a car and the windows will explode.

Watching the neighbors with binoculars is a really bad idea.

Fruitstands are magnets for cars chasing other cars.

You can outrun a nuclear bomb (Predator)

You can kill someone by painting every inch of their body. (Goldfinger)

You can get run over, beat up, blown up, electricuted, tortured, hanged, have your toes smashed with a mallet, and your guts torn out of your body, but nothing pisses someone off like having an ex-girlfriend dress like a slut. (Mel Gibson)

Planet Earth without wars is possible (Star Trek).

That they’ve progressed from the usual classy and well-made, well-thought out movies of the 1950s and early 1960s, to today’s horribly-made, stupid, mindless, and unmeaningful pictures, where violence and/or silliness for comedic relief pervade (too many to name).

@MRSHINYSHOES Allow me to retort: BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG (reload) BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG
(throws gun at @MRSHINYSHOES )

@filmfann You obviously watch too many of the bad movies I mentioned. Lol.

Come on @MRSHINYSHOES not everything today is total garbage.

@filmfann – I love that movie! Now for a tasty burger!

@MRSHINYSHOES The meaning’s there, it’s just not as obvious. Movies have progressed; they take advantage of their technology. The movies of the ‘50s and ‘60s didn’t use deep storytelling mediums or anything complex. They were light and approachable, movies today are less approachable, but that doesn’t mean they’re any worse or any better than old movies. And in some cases it does, (i.e. Twilight, The Black Dahlia), but there are some damn fine movies made today, Mr ShinyShoes. Damn fine movies.

@Symbeline Not all. But most, in my opinion.

@ddude1116 There are a few, yes. But the quality is just not there, in a lot of today’s pictures. Most movies today, like the commercials we see on t.v., are produced to just create an instant effect, relying on violence, sex, or stupid humor. There was more “thinking” that went on in yester-years’ scripts.

@MRSHINYSHOES I see where you’re coming from, but that’s not to say that there aren’t some good things to it. Scarface (the remake with Al Pacino, not the Paul Muni one) was senselessly over the top, but it strove for its excess. It was seamlessly within its own element; if there’s a cinematic equivalent of a Russian doll, that’s it. A lot of movies today are just as good as old movies because they are able to hide their themes so well into their movies. Granted, you are right, but making movies is so much easier nowadays that there’s bound to be a certain amount of shit-films just spat out for quick cash that completely fit your description (Jennifer’s Body, Transformers, anybody?).

@MRSHINYSHOES – Then you’re watching the wrong movies, sir. I guarantee it. There are plenty of films that don’t pander, but many movies made for the masses do, and always have. Filmmaking, people seem to forget, is a business. Studios will produce what sells, and most people want to see the very movies you decry. I’m going to be at the Tribeca Film Festival next week, and will see many quality films that the vast majority of the public would sneer at as “art films”. But one day in the future, a lot of those films will be seen as the good pictures, and the bad films will fall by the wayside.

The crap movies from the earliest days have not been passed down to us, but I can tell you, having been a student of film history, that there were plenty of degenerate movies. After all, when movies was the only game in town, there were at least 20 movies coming out a week. They weren’t all thoughtful and well-written.

I don’t know about where you live, but if it’s in any major metropolitan area, your choice isn’t limited to whatever “kiss kiss, bang bang” Hollywood shite the studios happen to pump through, but much like good music, they have to be sought since they don’t have the same marketing budget as Hollywood does for their product.

@ddude1116 And today’s actors and actresses can hardly be called “stars” in my view. I mean, when someone like Tim Allen gets a “star” on Hollywood’s Walk of Fame, that makes me cringe. Lol.

@aprilsimnel I’ve “watched” all the right movies.

Tim Allen has a star..? Standards have gone down… Still, actors like Cate Blanchett, Leonardo DiCaprio, Daniel Day-Lewis, Natalie Portman and Johnny Depp still exist to tip the balance back to talent!