What is the funniest random incident you've ever seen or had happen to you that can make you laugh by just recalling it?

I was on my first date and I was walking around with the boy at the mall. All of a sudden, somebody stepped on a random mustard packet in the middle of the walkway and it squirted all over us both. We were laughing so hard because we were covered in mustard.

I was sitting down when my late German Shepherd ran up to greet me; she stopped dead in her tracks, and then sneezed right in me forkin’ face! :-P

Seeing my SO’s head when it had been hit by bird poo…twice in one month and in different cities. I now carry wet-naps in my handbag.

On my deployment to the Med, we stopped in France. Long story short: A few of us stopped in a bar, but it was actually a gay/tranny bar. A woman (or what I initially thought was a woman) sat next to me and asked me to buy her a drink. The others already figured out what was going on and waited to see what I would do. Needless to say….I turned my head, expecting to see a ‘slampiece’, but instead I saw what was clearly a man in woman’s clothes. I was already buzzed so I exclaimed out, “No way! You’re a dude!” and we all laughed. We left after that episode.

My younger sister once decided to drop me off with our dad.
We were walking towards the car when our old neighbor lady calles out Hi to us. We went over to greet her as she was standing on her lawn. She was quite old around eighty.
So, my sister, around maybe 5 at the time, decided to say something that shocked me and dad more than anything else yet.
She randomly decided to tell the old lady something. She said: “Excuse me, you’re ugly.”
Yes, those exact same words.She’s not the type to say those words. She was the quiet and shy type. That was the shock of my life.When my mum asked her later she said she said that because mum told her to always tell the truth. It’s a good thing the old lady didn’t hear her. Phew!

When I was really little, my family was traveling to a new assignment (my Dad was in the Army). There are 7 of us kids and several were prone to car sickness, plus we were just dead tired. Back in those days, coffee creamer came in little individual waxed cardboard containers that were triangular. You tore off the tip and squeezed them. We stopped to eat and my Dad was trying to be funny and make us laugh by squeezing the creamer into his coffee one squirt at a time and going “Moo (pause, squirt) Moo (pause, squirt), Moo.” We just stared at him, stone faced. Then he accidentally dropped the creamer thingie into his coffee and we all died laughing.

Years ago, one of my co-workers (Greg) decided he wanted to try and control a Union meeting. The trick to doing this is to get enough people to show up to get a quorum, which in our case was about 60 people. He bribed all the workers at my yard to show up to the next meeting with a beer and spagetti feed in the parking lot before the meeting.
He got over 60 people. Everyone was in the parking lot, eating, and enjoying themselves. There was a lot of beer, and people brought a lot of other alcoholic beverages. By the time the meeting started, everyone in the parking lot was too drunk to make it into the building.
Ron made it to the bathroom, where he was so drunk, and vomited so hard, he puked out his false teeth without noticing. He then walked out to the lot, where he saw Mike.
Both these guys could have stood to lose about 50 pounds each.
Ron walked up and shouted “Hey, Mike!” and Mike shouted “Hey, Ron!” and they walked up to each other and locked arms around the others neck, and kissed. Deeply.
Keep in mind this is 2 rough and tumble construction workers.
Ron pulled back, and, still with a little vomit on his chin, stuck out his tongue. Without his false teeth, it seemed to stick out a foot!
At that moment, I promised I would never drink in public again. Shit, he might have walked up to me!
Anyway, Ron is so drunk he starts bragging about how much money he has, and to prove it, pulls out $100 dollar bills from his wallet, and begins lighting them on fire. He must have burned over $800 that night. The next day, Ron complained at work about how no one stopped him from burning all that money, and asked everyone if they knew what happened to his teeth…
Anyway, just the mention of that night at work is enough to send several of us into hysterics.

@filmfann Holy shit….......Lol! And lol @ “and kissed. Deeply”.

I didn’t remember this until John asked his question, but I’ve been cracking up all day remembering it.

I had an uncle who no matter how much he pleaded could not stop guys, mostly drunk to take a piss on his steel fence coming out of a bar which is located next to his car shop. He decided to secretly electrify the fence. Those drunk sonavaguns and their zapped dicks did not know what hit em!

In geography class to while away the time some of us would chew paper from our jotters to make a sticky mess which could be fired with a ruler at maps on the walls. We called these ‘doofers’ for some reason. ‘Tex’, our geography teacher was coming round the class to check on our work and was seemingly oblivious to what was going on. While he was examining the jotters on the desk in front of me a big doofer fell from the ceiling with a loud splat just inches from him. There was a terrible silence then Tex carried on as if nothing had happened. It was tense and embarrassing but finally, once the class was dismissed, hysterically funny.

When I was in high school, I hit an alarming weight, in my sister’s best friend’s eyes. Keep in mind, I was very athletic. I was 5’2” and wore a size 7. Not really a big person. She told me I should be no larger than a zero. This conversation was happening on a beach and I loathed her. Didn’t after this happened. She was telling me how perfect she was and maybe one day, I could be wonderful like her. BLAH. As she continued to berate me (and my sister didn’t try to stop her) a seagull flew over and poo’d all over her. I just about peed myself.

Such a wonderful moment.

@cak

Instant karma, don’t you love it!

Speaking of ‘karma’. One very funny moment was finding out my ex husbands 1st girlfriend after I divorced him was named ’ Karma’! lol

But, that’s not all. Remember the old TV show ‘Dharma & Greg”...well…they were….

‘Karma & Craig’! lololol I have never laughed so hard in my life.

Perfect, turned out Karma was a bitch! hahaha

When my best friend and I were about 13 or 14, we went to stay with her mom for a week in the summer. For some reason, there was a toy gun at her house – the kind that shoots darts with suction cups on the end.

We were going to stay at a relative’s cottage for a couple of nights, and were packing our stuff. Her mom said, “Hey, Chris, should I bring… (something, I forget what)?” Christine turned around and said “NO!” in a Terminator-style voice and shot the gun at her mom. The dart hit her in the forehead and stuck there for a few seconds before it fell.

It was so freakin’ funny – we still laugh about it. Her mom passed away a few years ago, and when we were talking about her favourite memories of her mom, that one was #1.

In jr high some boy cut all the pages (except for the edges of the pages) out of a book and inserted a radio into the space. He had it turned up pretty loud playing some rock song. The book was on his desk in the middle of a stack of other textbooks. The teacher, an old bag, of course was dying to know who to punish and get that racket stopped. So she decided to very slowly walk up and down the aisles while everyone watched her as the music blared. It kept going so she called me, who she hated, up to her desk and was really FAKE and sweetly smiled, “Aster, I know you’ll tell me who has the radio won’t you?” then the bell rang and we all ran out of the room.

When I was in high school my buddy and I would go on long bike rides one Summer. One day we decided to ride to a near by town and cruse a park and return. On the way we noticed some new construction going on in which a wide 4 foot deep trench had been cut across a path that we were riding on at the base of a hill. We just carried our bikes to get over the trench and kept going up the hill. We had a good ride for several hours and were feeling good while riding back home. We had also forgotten about the trench at the bottom of the hill and my friend was in the lead and going about as fast as he could. I’ll never forget the blood curdling scream he made just before crashing into the trench. I was able to stop just in time but I couldn’t stop laughing even though I knew that my friend was banged up pretty bad and his bike was unridable. We had to walk the rest of the way home and I as hard as I tried not to, I still laughed most of the way. And I’m still laughing 45 years later.

Once, in the dead of winter while outside peeing with my dogs, I got my dick stuck to an aluminum television antennae tower. By the time everything was said and done I had developed minor frostbite on my left ass cheek, my cell phone was ruined, and one of the dogs had their tongue stuck on the tower as well.

it’s a long story. maybe i’ll post it some time . . .

Years ago, as I sat outside my work-residence, with an alley to my left and a street to my right, I saw a young black man running down the alley as hard as he could. A moment later, I saw a small Dachshund chasing him. It was very much like a Norman Rockwell painting, and to this day, some three decades later, I still get a mighty chuckle recalling the scene.

My husband and I pulled up to a stoplight and saw a lady in a white t-shirt and pants going across the crosswalk. She was walking very quickly and was sort of leaned back in a funny manner. I pointed at her and my husband and I both chuckled. When she got past our car we saw why she was walking funny…she had pooped herself. It was half way up her back and literally, and I’m not exaggerating, down to her shoes. We sat there laughing long after the light turned green. I know it’s wrong to laugh at other misfortune, but I couldn’t help myself.

I had never ever visited LA before and took the Grey Hound bus from La Jolla to there and as I got off the bus the first thing that greeted me was this wasted buck-naked and overweight lady in the middle of the intersection directing traffic. What was really odd was all the people that were completely oblivious to this event. I gawked in awe of the absurdity until I realized more people were looking at me looking at the weirdness unfolding in front of me and I moved along.

Mine happened not too long ago…every time I think about it makes me laugh lol. So I was walking home from the store, and some guy in his car got cut off by another driver, who should have stopped to let him go by.

So the guy who was cut off opens his door and yells really loud; HEEEEEYY!! FUCKING PSYCHO!! (he said this in French, I’m translating it as close as it can be)

I could not stop laughing lol.

I overheard a woman say “If it wasn’t for my horse, I’d never have spent that year in college”.

@Symbeline – What did he actually say? I bet it was a lot funnier in French!

Heeey! Esti d’mongole!

’‘Mongole’’ is a French slang for mad, psychotic, crazy, what have you. I know it sounds racist, but I didn’t make it up. XD
’‘Esti’’ is actually ’‘ostie’’ but the way people say it spawned that way of writing it. (it’s a holy wafer, and here in Québec it’s considered blasphemy to use ’‘holy words’’ in vain, sort of like saying goddamn it)

And if you already knew all this, nevermind lol. XD

And it’s way funnier in French lol. His tone of voice didn’t help matters either haha.

Esti calisse tabernac! (I don’t know how to spell things – just a guess!)

It definitely is funnier in French. There are a lot of Quebecois speakers in Sudbury, and they bastardize it even more than you guys do over there, so believe me, I’m sure I’ve heard it all and more!

They gotta be pros then, because the entire Québec French language is one huge ass bastardirization (sp???lol) lol. (I’m from France, Québec has mangled the language lmao)

My dad’s specialty was, putin d’enfant Jesus Christ mal lavé lol XD

Last summer I was driving and all of a sudden heard a strange sound coming from beneath my car. I pulled over and looked underneath and saw a piece of metal dragging on the ground.

I was thinking ” WTF is THIS?” haha
Grabbed a stick off the side of the road and was poking at this strange piece of my car and wondering what this metal bar thing was dragging on the ground.

Poked at it with the stick for a minute and a huge, 3 foot long, BBQ fork fell out!

Now the question is WHY was a BBQ fork in the middle of the highway? lol

Ehh, once the cat puked in my recliner before I sat in it. It was still warm.

The apartment complex called me at work to let me know that they let the 911 team into my apt. after they received an emergency call. Apparently, the cat jumped up on the desk, knocked the receiver off and walked across it, activating the programmed emergency button. The person who answered the call only heard some scuffling noises and sent the rescue squad over. The phone receiver got a good dose of Velcro after that.

Years ago, my co-worker Nestor, who is from Nicaragua, was working in a manhole a block away from one I was in. Now, manholes are just small rooms underground, connected by small conduit pipes, that cables are pulled thru. Often, rats or cockroaches will use these conduits as a subway tunnel to get from one place to another, and in this lead cockroaches traveled routinely every day at a certain time. We are talking THOUSANDS of cockroaches suddenly spilling out of one conduit, walking across the manhole, and climbing into the next conduit in the lead. It was so bad, you had to tape your pant-legs closed, or they would climb up your legs inside your pants. Just disgusting.
Anyway, Nestor is working in the manhole, when suddenly all these cockroaches pour in. He freaks out, climbs up the ladder, and grabs the bug spray. He jumps back down, and sprays all the cockroaches orange. He grabbed the wrong can, and got the fluorescent paint by mistake.
So I am a block away, and suddenly all these fluorescent orange cockroaches come pouring into the manhole. I freak out, wondering if they are radioactive or some shit, jump out of the manhole, and run down to Nestor.
Out of breath and yelling down the hole to him, I notice the orange floor.
People in my job have heard this story, and they all think it is some made up legend. Nope. Really happened to me and my buddy Nestor.

@filmfann

Horror movie stuff.
Invasion of the sewer roaches. Aaaah…

Several years ago, I bought a trailer full of topsoil. It was too heavy to unhitch from the car, so I shoveled it from the front to the back of the trailer. I then stood one leg either side of the drawbar to unhitch the trailer. Of course, it gave way suddenly, and I was left stranded several feet in air astride the drawbar. It took several minutes for my wife to stop laughing enough to help me down.

Another good one from the ‘X’ files. lol

Same ex husband came home once after a few beers and wanted to go out for chinese food.

He had a couple more beers before dinner and when the check arrived he was looking at it and exclaimed ” Chung Du, Chung Du..we didn’t order anything called ‘Chung Du!”

I take the receipt from him and realize he is looking at the abbreviation for ‘CHANGE DUE’..
Chg. Due !

Honestly, I knew in that moment I had married down. lol

@Coloma

“He had a couple more beers before dinner and when the check arrived he was looking at it and exclaimed ‘Chung Du, Chung Du..we didn’t order anything called ‘Chung Du!’”

Hey, lighten up. Chinese is a tough language to learn. ;-)

These are WONDERFUL! Thank you all. Here is another one:

When I was about 7 or 8, we lived in a house on top of a rather steep and very large hill. It didn’t snow terribly much there, but one winter it really snowed hard. The next day my sister and I decided to get our saucer sled and take off down the hill. Things were going great until we realized too late that we were headed straight for where a raised concrete mounted manhole cover was located in the yard. The sled hit the concrete and stopped and we kept going. It seemed like we were airborne for the longest time before we hit the ground. Double face plant. LOL