Is it so important to live together before getting married?

No. As a matter of fact, statistics show that living together makes marriage LESS likely.

Yes. I think, given @CaptainHarley‘s comment and that I, too, have read some studies showing that couples who co-habit prior to marriage are less likely to get married, it is a good indication that those couples are not going to stay married. After all, sure those couples who don’t live together are more likely to get married but are they also more likely to get divorced? That’s another piece of the puzzle. I think of course you should live together as that’s what’s going to happen when you’re married and it’s a good way to know if, clearly, you have issues that you can’t solve. If you do live together and don’t marry, that’s actually for the best for all involved. So that statistic is important, to me it’s not a negative but a positive, a word of caution. It has nothing to do with whether living together is right or wrong but it does point to the fact that many people get married with unrealistic expectations that are then not met.

I would suggest it, and I personally would require it in whatever relationship I have that ends in marriage.

Living together, and seeing each other/staying the night at one anothers apartments every night are totally different beasts.

IMHO it should be required. There is a huge difference in the dynamic between frequent sleep overs and actually sharing a living space.

Actually, I believe our marriage laws should be changed to include a 1 year no fault annulment clause for just this reason.

@YoBob Agreed.

No.

Look, it is totally up to the individuals. What is right for one may not be right for another.

You certainly don’t have to live together before marriage if you don’t want to.

Oh and to answer your other questions. I never lived with my first husband, we moved in after we got married. That marriage ended in divorce (though I don’t think that was connected). My second husband and I did live together before we got married and this marriage is completely different, in an amazing sense. I didn’t stop loving him after we lived together, obviously. As for you and your fiancee, talk it out, see what feels right and don’t listen to anyone else.

Important note on CaptainHarley’s statistics. Couples that live together are less likely to get married, sure. But that’s the point. Couples that live together and still get married anyway are far more likely to stay married for a long period.

I don’t want to paint @Ranimi23 as naive or anything, but when I read the line “I do not think living together with her will discover new things about her I did not know before” I laughed out loud. I think you’ll be amazed by what you learn.

Yes I really did, but I would have found out they were a creep pretty soon anyway. For hundreds of years people got married before they moved in with each other, and back then there was no such thing as divorce. I think you’re on the right track.

We’re living together, and have been for almost 7 years. We’ve been together almost 11 years. We do plan to get married; our financial situation is lacking, to say the least, so once we’ve actually got some income we’ll worry about that.

I do think it’s a good idea to live together before getting married. I know several couples who did, and several who didn’t, and there doesn’t seem to be any pattern regarding who’s still together and who’s not. But I do know two couples who married relatively quickly – within a year of dating, and both have split.

I think what’s important is not to rush into marriage. Whether you live together or not.

Living together, in our situation, was only practical. We spent most of our time together anyway, so it really didn’t make sense to pay two sets of bills.

And I have to agree with @crazyivan – if you think you won’t learn anything new about a partner when you’re living together, you’ve got another think coming. There are always surprises like that – not necessarily bad, but you’ll find out some things you didn’t know before.

I should mention that my wife and I did live together before we married, but it was very brief. We moved in together a few weeks after we met and married a few months later. That was 14 years ago and we’re the happiest couple I know.

Obviously, nobody can answer this question but you. We can all make generalizations that may be statistically significant, but you could easily have the 1 in 5, the 1 in 10 or the 1 in 1000 relationship that leaves all the percentages meaningless.

If, before marriage, you sleep together, share everything,and are always there, why are you too conservative to live together?

It does put the relationship [marriage format] to the test. But years of “your place or mine?” may be good enough. Do what you both want to do.

Its not at all vital, chances are there are or will be more important issues to focus on that affect the health of your marriage. But for some reason conservatives and liberals like to nit pick over this.

We did not live together, and are still married after 25 years. Any opinions are anecdotal, however.

No, what’s important is that the two of you can communicate. If you are talking about moving in, or not, that is more important than actually moving in. Keep talking, and listening.

The information on people who live together being less likely to get married is misconstrued in this case. People who live together are less likely to get married… because they generally don’t see it as necessary for them to have a life together. Its part of the way that the view of marriage is changing in our society. Cohabitation is no longer looked down upon as much as it has been and many people don’t see the need to make a legal agreement for their personal lives. Many times, they’ve already made all the agreements they need and feel the formality is a waste of time and money. This is why people who cohabitate are less likely to get married.