Which book title should I use?

“How Can I ‘not’ Help You?”
“The Big Book of Bad Customer Service”
D. The Stupid Book on BAD Customer Service

“Yeah, what do ya want?”

The answer to “Could you help me please?”.

How may I harass you?

The Bad, the Worse and the Worst
Customer Service by Dummies

I Can’t Help You

Customer Service Has Left the Building

How May I Fail to Assist You?

I’ll Be With You in Moment. After I Stop Chewing Gum, Talking on My Cellphone, Chatting with my Co-workers, Doing Something Else That Can Wait and When I’m Good and Ready

Why Saying “No Problem” is a Problem

Can You Wait a Moment While I Ignore You?

Never Look Up, Never Say Hello, Never Ask if They Need Help (A Guide to Bad Customer Service)

What? D’ya think I’m Your Servant?

Keep ‘Em Wanting More (Guide to Working in the Service Professions Without Actually Offering Any Service)

I’m Not Being Rude, I’ve Just Got Attitude. I’m a Hipster and I’m Cool. I Don’t Care About You.

Even if you are wearing shoes and a shirt, you still ain’t gonna get no Service!

Customer Service, Definition: an archaic term used by Old Farts and Fogeys

Customer Service, What’s it to ya!?

They had me at Hell-LOOOO (said in that mocking way)

Yeah? and What? The new May I Help You?

A Warm Body: The New Customer Service Rep

Excuse Me! How to Good Get Customer Service Without Resorting to Violence

The Horseless Carriage, The Ice Box, Good Customer Service and other Archaic Terms

I like @lloydbird ‘s suggestion, but you have to write it like this:

“Yeah, waddaya want!”

Just a sec, i’ll put you through…

“how to loose sales and infuriate people”

Bad Customer Services for Smartasses
Bad Customer Services for Know-It-Alls
Bad Customer Service: A Primer for the Arrogant
[inversion of “for Dummies” books

@noodle_poodle great title but a typo
How to Lose Sales and Infuriate People

more:
I Will Be With You Momentarily
All of Our Sales Representatives Are Busy
Please Hang Up and Dial Again
What Can I Do Ya For?

Hello. Thank you for calling Microsoft.