Why does he feel the need to be this way with each other?

The first thing that popped into my head (and it’s 1am, I’m exhausted and still can’t sleep and need to be up in four hours) was that they already have a history and aren’t keen on looking too friendly towards each other.

My second thought was that, hey, maybe she’s a different color, ethnicity, nationality, or religion and that’s a problem for him.

But she doesn’t seem to want to talk to him that much either, from what I gather from your writing,

So, if she’s not worried about it and he’s not worried about it, it’s probably not your place to ask him, anyway.

And that’s the best I can do with what little sleep I have.

Perhaps he is attracted to her and is going out of his way to avoid any interaction that could get out of hand? Perhaps something has happened between them that you are not aware of? Perhaps his wife feels insecure about this other woman? Only they know though really and as neither are saying, probably best not to get involved.

Some people just rub each other the wrong way.

That 20 year age gap can make a big difference for some people. It’s like socializing with your child.

Maybe he is attracted to her and doesn’t want to be in any position to persue it. Or maybe he just can’t stand her for whatever reason.

Perhaps they had “too close” interaction in the past and now both are trying to avoid it.

If you feel you must know (and it is totally their business not yours), ask your friend.

I think that in the same way that some people just “click” with each other and almost instantly have a rapport and form a bond, that the reverse of that is also true.

Since it’s a group situation, I don’t think it’s necessary for everyone in the group to be best buds. If things are ok without overt hostility or conflict between them, they’re being adult about it and not forcing things.

If one believes in reincarnation this makes sense in terms of the principle that there are certain loosely formed “groups” of souls which continue to interact with each other both negatively and positively to learn whatever life lessons are in these various experiences.

Perhaps in other lifetimes they were mortal enemies (or perhaps one even killed the other) so the current state of affairs is at least progress no matter how small.

That’s just one theory which is a possibility that I’ve read about. I’m just throwing it out there.

I’m fully aware that there is no way I could possibly prove it to anybody’s satisfaction so you don’t need to start in on that.

As I said, just one theory. Occasionally I’ve encountered people where it’s obvious that the best that can come of it is that we interact as little as possible and try to at least be civil about it. The reasons aren’t apparent but the “oil and water” quality to the interaction is obvious.

It helps to know that something doesn’t necessarily have to be done about it as long as both parties act like adults and live and let live. That’s not the worst compromise.

The first thing I thought is that they might have “known” each other before.

i know that they knew each other (2 years before i knew them), but there is this weird vibe between only them. when they do have to talk to each other, they seem fake, nervous, and clumsy.

Maybe it’s just you… maybe it’s nothing.

@naresh28 when people are saying they “knew” each other, they are meaning as more than friends. Perhaps they had an affair or came close to it and this awkwardness is a result of that. That was my first thought as well, with the age difference being my second thought.

Aren’t you close enough to either one of them so that you can just go ahead and tell him/her what you have been noticing and that the situation makes you a tad uncomfortable and that knowing what the problem is (if in fact there is one) would give you some peace of mind. I think it is part of the group dynamics to be able to ask these things without feeling you are being nosy or just interfering in other people’s business.