Why is popularity a big thing in school?

I was like you. But I think everyone wants to be accepted – well, most people, and popularity is simply being ultra-accepted.

It’s like the other question about laughing with/at someone: no-one likes to be laughed at, everyone wants to be in on a joke.

Is it important to be popular? I think the question should be are you happy with yourself, and do you feel you have enough friends. If the answer is yes, then it’s fine.

I was never popular. I was the foreign kid that nobody understood. I was the girl that dressed modest and I wasn’t good looking at all. I was the nerd.

Now I’m the kid who is doing better than everyone else. I’m a certified genius, I get paid to go to college, I have a pretty fun life, and I think my looks got better(?). But anyway, popularity is just bullshit.

Trust me. It all gets better. In the grand scheme of things, popularity is not important at all. It’s just a way for teens to fill a void within themselves. They all want to be accepted and it’s a way of making themselves feel special. You should feel special because you’re not being fooled by the pressure of society.

Because being liked, being appreciated, being the one that other people want to be around because of your positive qualities feels good. People like knowing that who they are and what they are doing is appreciated and appealing. They like knowing that they have a positive influence on others. Of course, some people like you for the wrong shallow reasons, and it’s important to have true friends (the number of them does not matter) and it’s important to be able to like yourself regardless of how others feel (cliched, but true).

But being popular isn’t just about being a cheerleader or a jock, for me, it was about people wanting to be around me because they like who I am. And the best was people actually telling me that I was easy to talk to, nice, down-to-earth, that kind of thing. I was popular in middle and high school. I’ve always had a lot of friends; I’m extroverted and social; I like being around others and people liked being around me. I never sought out popularity; I didn’t change who I was to appeal to other people (in other words, fake popularity); I just did what I always did and people wanted to be around it. :\

I’m not saying that it matters and that people should try to be popular, but I am pointing why it is viewed as such a good thing.

Also, what @seazen_ said: “I think the question should be are you happy with yourself, and do you feel you have enough friends. If the answer is yes, then it’s fine.”

It’s a hierarchy. Most mammals do this because it’s a survival tool. It’s imbedded into our brains to have leaders and followers. It happens in most places where people are in larger groups, not just high school. Some are pushed out of groups because they are seen as the “weaker” of the herd. Popularity is nothing more than a pecking order. It’s not important anymore because in today’s world, we can survive and get by on our own.

I was pretty popular in high school but only because I was “the funny guy”. I would do stupid things and get myself into mishaps to keep myself from being bored in my classes. I would have been better off concentrating on my studies. Popularity in high school doesn’t matter though. Not at all.

I went to a high school were there was more than one way to be “popular” because there was so many kids. There was the jocks/cheerleader types, and then there was the advanced program/ student council group, which was made up of all the people who were in the advanced program or joined clubs/played instruments/was artistic. The first group was pretty superficial, and none of them really has done anything to stand out as adults. The later group is now a bunch of doctors, scientists, lawyers, people who own their own businesses and people who have not really done anything to stand out as adults.

The few people who were really popular were pretty much nice to everyone and were really involved. I think every school has a group of mean kids, who only accepts people who are exactly like them. That’s not really “popularity;” it’s fitting a mold

I wasn’t popular at school. I was different. I dressed differently, spoke differently, acted differently. I didn’t fit. It wasn’t a very nice feeling. I lived through it and I think it made me stronger in the long run. I certainly didn’t want to become one of the people who locked me out.

Young people especially I think want to fit in and be part of the crowd. They generally (there are always exceptions) don’t want to stand out. I have been very conscious with my own children of making sure I don’t force them to be outsiders. I won’t go spending a fortune on designer gear and the like or anything ridiculous like that but I don’t deliberately make them stand out because of my principles.

It’s funny though Vincent, the older you get the less you may want to be part of the ‘in’ crowd. I still don’t fit really but that’s okay with me. I don’t want to be the same as everyone else. It is interesting but @Vunessuh posted a question the other day asking people what made them unconventional. It wasn’t asked in a negative sense. My impression is it was asked from a positive standpoint. “What makes you different?” I would much rather be different than blend in. So, while now it may feel awkward and unpleasant to not fit in, you may find in the future, the things that make you feel odd and left out now are the things that will make you special and intriguing in the future.

As to the number of ‘friends’ we have @Vincent_Lloyd, I think if you asked that question (or checked back to see if anyone has asked it) many people don’t have large numbers of real friends. Real friends are special and as such, we tend not to have lots and lots of them.

I believe it’s just an issue of wanting to be accepted.

Pretty much nothing that happens in middle or high school matters later, except whether or not you learned what you were really there to learn. While you’re in the middle of that time of your life, everything seems so important. The drama, the friendships, the romantic dilemmas… but honestly, once you’re out they all seem very trivial. Study, do well, be nice, be yourself.

I think I was more popular than I realized….it just wasn’t something I wanted.

Because no one wants to care about what really matters so they waste their life on that which doesn’t, like popularity.

In many ways, I think it has to do with adolescents being unsure of themselves. Kids that age are trying to find their place in the world in so many ways, “popularity” seems like an easy gauge, although in reality it is meaningless.

@zenvelo Then many people never find themselves, it seems, as adults.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I do not disagree with you at all. Many people DON’T find themselves, and some not until much older. I don’t think I really found myself until I had been sober for 7 or 8 years.

I’m a senior in highschool, and I wasn’t popular throughout highschool. I have my close group of friends, but I definitely wouldn’t consider myself popular at all. I’ve always been the shy girl, and people would tell me on a daily basis that I was quiet or shy, but it didn’t bother me. I am who I am, and why should I change for people who won’t be a part of my life come graduation? Honestly, being the “shy” girl made me stronger. I learned to stand up for myself and what I believed in. If I didn’t want to do something, everyone knew I wouldn’t. I think teenagers that feel the need to be popular only act that way because they are insecure about who they are. They want others to feel inferior to them, so they will have more confidence.

We’re social beings.

When you’re a little child, it’s your parents who help you survive, so kids don’t usually care very much about popularity then. But in adolescence, one must learn how to get on “with the rest of the tribe”, as it were, and the outcasts who can’t do that are in trouble. “Popularity” can translate to support from others, and if you’re not supported, that’s crushing. In olden times (and in certain cultures today), being able to get on with the group could be the difference in whether or not you survive.

I also went to a big school so there were a lot of ‘popular kids’. But in that bigness there was room for any kind of kid. I went through school with roughly the same group of kids so that made it much easier. I just tried to be friendly with pretty much everyone.

2 real friends is good. @KatetheGreat wrote the words I was jumping in with: “It all gets better” School age is awkward and constantly disorienting too. You will always keep growing but the first couple of decades are a lalapalooza. It will get easier to find ways to resonate with the people you like.