Am I someone's boyfriend?
Asked by
XOIIO (
18328
)
April 18th, 2011
So, the old situation ahs been going on for a while, not much has changed until recently. She admitted that she has a crush on me, and that I am one of the few people she likes. I asked if she liked me “in that way” a while ago and she said idk. Today, we were talking, she told me about what was going on, how she went shopping.
She also mentioned that her mother read our convo and thought I was a really cool guy or somehting like that.. She later was talking about how thinking of me cheered her up when she was at a funeral, and later, asked if I might meet her mother sometime, if it was okay. I said “sure, why not?”.
Now I asked her because since we talk a lot, and she wants me to meet her mother, where this thing is going, and she said idk.
I said with you asking me to meet your mother and stuff it sounds Like I’m your boyfriend, even though I’m not, am I?
she again said IDK
Am I a boyfriend or what the fuck is going on?
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36 Answers
Why don’t you just ask her “Do you want to be my girlfriend?”. I think that’d give a little clarity. Good luck with it!
@KatetheGreat I’m not really the initiative type.
oh, she says she doens;t want to mess up our friendship.
damn
@XOIIO Well then ask her the same question again. “Does this mean we’re dating or something?” If she says she doesn’t know, just be like “Well do you want to be?” and if she says no, just brush it off. You gotta be sly about things sometimes :P
I’m going to tell her that if she wants it to be that way then it could be, but that it’s up to her. soudn like a good plan?
She sail “well…”
I asked “well…?”
this is soo exciting rolls eyes
xD
It sucks to be you :P Women are horrible.
@KatetheGreat you would know XD
I guess I might find out tommorow when we talk at school or something
I would give you the same advice I give my boys….don’t wait around for someone else to make up your mind. If you want to be her BF then be it!
@Cruiser being someone’s bf would require time to meditate and unlock emotions that I have locked away for so long, carefully choosing the right ones because I don’t want to let all the bad ones out. It would be very difficult, but if someone wants me as a bf i could try
@XOIIO Some girls just try to be cute and not make up their minds. Female bullshit at it’s greatest.
@KatetheGreat she seems to be going in that direction, i mean, asking me to meet her mother? And it’s her birthmother not adopting mother
It sounds like the whole thing is moving nice and slowly to give you the opportunity to get used to the evolution into a relationship. I don’t think you need to dwell on labelling or naming what it is, or isn’t. Think of it this way, here’s a girl who recognizes something interesting in you. Doesn’t matter if you see it in yourself, or if she can define what exactly it is. She’s looked a little closer than more people, and likes something about what she sees.
Man, not a single one of us can answer this question. If you’re not sure where you stand, but you wanna know, you need to go get yourself some answers.
@Randy That’s why I’m on fluther XD
@BarnacleBill I’ll just see what happens, idk
also, if this does turn into a relationship, is there some sort of contract or prenup we sign?
With every new q you post, I am even more baffled by your inability to clarify your own life to yourself.
@XOIIO Sure, but you can’t keep on doing that, can you? At some point, you’ll have to form some opinions of your own.
If you are considering making this girl your girlfriend, I would highly suggest that you show her and her parents and your parents this Other Thread that you created where you said that you have no friends, and that you want to eliminate all human emotions from your life.
You should probably show them This Thread too where you state that you are perfectly fine with being cold and isolated from people.
You also might want to point out to hers and your folks that you’ve become enmeshed in an inappropriate cyber-sex situation.
You have some serious issues. Maybe your parents or her parents could give you some guidance. There are plenty of people, parents, school counselors and friends that can help you.
I’m sure you;d be hard pressed to find someone who has never in their life had a little bit of cyber, and it was just the once
People, be nice. XOIIO is pretty young, and I’m guessing there’s some Aspergers going on here.
You have to decide what you want. If you’re ready to give this thing a try, go ahead and let her know that you’re interested in taking the relationship to the ‘dating’ level.
@augustlan I could open a stand and sell apergers for 50 cents
If you were going for the Captain Wishy-Washy badge, or the Zero Initiative Certificate, I’d say you won both.
My advice is you need to meditate and discuss with others what you think you might or might not want with this girl. Though, it sounds like you are not ready to be in a romantic relationship, except maybe a very casual uncommitted slow exploration. It sounds like you have no idea what you want, and may be depressed and/or dissociated, and could really use some professional counseling to resurrect yourself. Assuming I’m reading you right, that would be well worth doing.
@Zaku are there monetary rewards with those?
I think so. Try inquiring with the IRS. ;-)
@Simone_De_Beauvoir et al: This is a confused young person, let’s not be too hard on the poor protonerd.
No offense to you, @XOIIO as you remind me of my own self when I was at a similar age and/or odometer reading.
Nonetheless, be aware that if you would drive a nail, you must swing the hammer. IOW if you want to nail this chick you should probably let her know that. If you want to be her boyfriend then you have to let her know that.
If, on the other hand, you are merely willing to be her boyfriend if she wants then let it lie. If this is the case then you are not that into her.
It’s easy in one’s late teens to overestimate one’s desire for a particular person due to a great number of factors. Don’t fall into this trap or you will, at best, waste a great many boring hours catering to a “girlfriend” with interests mostly divergent from yours. This is the best case scenario.
Decide what you want. Take your time at this decision. Once the decision has been fully made and committed, then GO FOR IT.
Having Aspergers does not mean that one cannot have satisfying relationships with other people and eventually marriage and children UNLESS someone makes a firm decision that they don’t want this.
I think your primary problem regarding this girl is that you’re still in the process of making that decision. You haven’t yet made a firm decision one way or another about this important life issue so you really have no idea what to do about her.
I’m basing this opinion upon previous Qs of yours as well as this current one.
I think it could help you tremendously to find a professional (therapist, MSW social worker, psychologist) who has experience in dealing with young adults on the Autism spectrum. Talking with someone like this could give you an objective sounding board for you to work this out for yourself. An experienced trained professional would have this as the primary goal as well. To guide you through your own decision making, but not to impose their decisions upon you is what any good professional strives for regardless of their official title.
I have no idea where on the spectrum you are (or if even you do) but I do believe you could benefit enormously from some short term professional guidance.
Would your parents be open to that? I’m assuming you’re syill young enough to be covered under their insurance.
This doesn’t mean you’re crazy or anything. We all could use a little help at times. Give it some serious thought.
@XOIIO, probably not a contract or pre-nup to sign for dating, but maybe a disclosure statement.
@Buttonstc I’ve tried a couple therapists, it doesnt work out.
Well, I’m not technically a boyfriend I guess, but she sayss tuff like I’m the reason she;s not a druggie, and why she doesnt cut herself anymore, and talking to me relaly helps. She;s going to start sitting beside sometimes and we are going to talk at the bus stop or something, she doesn’t care what we do for now.
I guess this brings a wrap to this fun little series of questions. It’s been fun guys
We are apparently together, but not dating, whatever that means.I guess i’ll find out lol.
thanks again to everyone who has answered this, and my rpevious questions about the situation
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