Are you in control?

Can’t say that i am in control. Can’t say i’m out of control either.
I am happy but not because i am partially in control.

A lot of things are out of our control and we cannot adjust them easy.

I can say that i am free and this contributes more to my happiness than control.

[ and not free in the way of being as wicked as I wanna be ^^ ]

Happiness is not a state to arrive at, but a manner of traveling. ~Margaret Lee Runbeck
A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery while on a detour. ~Author Unknown

There are so many things in my life which are out of my control. I could never be happy if control were the key to my happiness. In some areas I gave up my control willingly, in others it is just a by-product of life. I choose to enjoy what I have and where I am living. I think knowing the difference between what is in my control and what is out of my control helps in maintaining a balance. It is pointless and counter-productive to rail against things which I cannot change. All I can do is move forward with the new situation. The only times I have been unhappy are the times where things were in my control and I did not act upon the control I had for whatever reason.

I very much agree with what @optimisticpessimist said.
It’s about knowing what you can have control over, and what you can’t. Then learning to accept that.

@optimisticpessimist Awesome answer! Just what I was hoping to see! Thanks!

I’d say people who can resist instant gratification and work toward delayed gratification are in control.

@Cruiser You are welcome. I do have to remind myself of this sometimes.

Isn’t there a prayer or something about this? Something like Lord, help me to control what I can control and accept the things I can’t control, and to recognize the difference between the two. That’s right in concept but not wording.

@Adirondackwannabe The Serenity Prayer: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.

The right concept and close to the right wording.

I disagree that happiness is feeling in control. That way lies sure unhappiness.

Happiness lies with accepting change and random bits of chaos in our life as part of the package.

I am a recovering control freak. Letting go is the only answer.

@optimisticpessimist That’s the one.

I’d like to think so yes, although there’s no denying that the wife holds the reigns…...chokes on the irony :¬)

I am only in control of the way I react to my environment and situations. There are certain things left out of my control, however this is a result of my chosen path. So I choose to relinquish control over certain things for some perceived benefits. Does this mean I cannot lead a happy life? That is debatable. We only think we are in control when we are “in control.” Everyone is a ‘slave’ to something, whether it be money, job, drugs, sex, e.t.c. yet this is only one point of view.

Nah. The more things are out of control, the happier I can be. Especially in matters of love. In love, it is that magical connection you feel to the other person whether you are with them or not, and it is completely out of control. Love is a constant improvisation, just like life. I think of them both like surfing. The wave is constantly changing and you have to constantly adjust in order to stay on top of the water, and when you get a good ride, it is absolutely exhilarating!

Even when you get dumped head over heels into the wave, and you get your head knocked on the bottom and sand burn, it is good. You get back up on your board, and you try again. That exhilaration is the greatest high of all. Maintaining it is a serious challenge.

I don’t really try for control any more. I just try to set up the wave as best I can. My control is best when I dance perfectly on that wave. Obviously, perfection is very difficult, but it doesn’t have to be very perfect at all. It can be a mess and still make me happy, because I love the process.

Sometimes life throws all kinds of roadblocks in your way. You forget a passport or your partner forgets a passport (which has happened twice in my life). You catch the wrong train. You lose track of the road and end up somewhere in the middle of a vast city with no idea how to find the highway. Your plans are a shambles, but you just keep on going. Somehow, you get to where you wanted to be, and it is all the sweeter for having to surpass these barriers—plus you get to feel cool about yourself since you able to deal with all that shit.

I almost feel like there’s no point in planning how to reach a goal. It’ll never be the way you planned. Never. Maybe all you need is to select a goal and then go. But not really. Planning is important, even if you’ll never follow the plan. It helps you understand intermediate goals.

Then, it really helps if you give up your attachment to the goal. If you define your success or happiness by whether you achieve your goal or not, you limit yourself terribly. You may also doom yourself to unhappiness. I’ve learned not to care too much about whether I reach a goal or not. Wherever I find myself, that’s where I want to be. Then I’m happy.

Even when I was so depressed I wanted to die, there was an element of happiness there. I think that enabled me to embrace my situation, which enabled me to survive it and get better. I’ve learned not to fight the detours. If I follow them, wherever they go, there’s a good chance I’ll get more out of them than if I had stayed on the main route.

I love side roads. I love detours. They make for the best stories, and they make happiness even sweeter than it could possibly be.

@glenjamin I like you answer “everyone is a slave to something”

I might also flip around your answer of “We only think we are in control when we are “in control.”” to we are only in control when we “think” we are in control and in reality we are not or only doing the best we can given the circumstances we are in and that changes on a daily basis!

@wundayatta Fantastic answer! Side roads, detours and roadblocks, riding the wave….I love it!

Interesting way to look at happiness and control. I feel like my happiness comes from a feeling of security, physical health, and being aware of the moments I am enjoying myself. But, being able to control my day does brjng me those happy moments. In your situation I would not be unhappy from a loss of control, I would perceive my unhappiness, or worry, regarding having to get a new salesperson. It would be an annoying stress I have to deal with that I didn’t want to. A detour from my goal would not trouble me too much, as long as it did not drag on too long. I would never expect things to go perfectly smoothly. I think that is another key thing, the people I know who are the unhappiness seem to feel everyone and everything is falling short of their expectations; but, I think maybe their expectations are too high or unrealistic. Those same people tend to be very controlling, and perfectionsists in their own way.

I am a very happy person. I worry about my kids and their struggles, and my own struggles but that doesn’t mean that I am unhappy. As far as “control”; to me that means attaining stability and security. It’s a constant battle. Just when you think everything is stable and secure, it can all go to hell. When that happens, I don’t really get depressed – just realize that I have to work extra hard to get it together again. I have a favorite saying, “when the going gets tough, the tough get going!”

I am certainly in ‘control’ of my own thoughts, feelings and reactions.
I am in control of whom and what I choose to allow into my life.
I am in control of the choices I make, but, ultimately, there is no control.

I had a great financial plan going a few years ago, I was in a posistion to be semi-retired in my mid-to late 40’s.

Well..that plan has gone to hell in a hand basket with the state of the economy the last few years.

Oh well…soldier on!

@Coloma Soldier on, indeed! What else can you do? Failure is not an option.

I’m not in control over everything, but I’m happy with the way the current is taking me at the moment.

@optimisticpessimist & @Coloma Brilliant answers!
I like to remember that I cannot control the wind, but I can adjust my sails to reach my destination. I can’t remember who said this, but I like it.

@stardust Great quote! Jimmy Dean; yes, of Jimmy Dean Foods.

The cheese has come close to slipping off my cracker, but, it’s always a save! lol

@Coloma Your ducks are more interested in the cracker slipping off the cheese! lol!

@Cruiser
LOL

Life is filled with chaos and pandemonium. No one can really control it but we can learn to control ourselves. Patience is needed to developing coping skills so we can roll with life’s punches. “He who knows patience knows peace” (Chinese Proverb). And he who knows peace also knows happiness.

I’m in the unfortunate position of being incapable of controlling anything, but desiring an impractical independence. But I’m not unhappy, though, in fact I’m quite content, I’ve come to the realization that you gotta love everything even if everything just blows.

Who was it that said, “the only control is self-control.”