(NSFW) My girlfriend seems to always want sex or to do sexual stuff, to the point where it's downright annoying- what do I do?

Are you sure that she doesn’t feel like she needs to have sex to keep you? Some women do that…

this is a hard situation to handle, but seeing that you are sick and are clearly trying to look out of her so she doesnt get sick, is kind of a difficult situation. In other words, she shouldn’t even want to be kissing you since you could have been contagious, either way, I believe that being honest is the best thing you could do for you, her and your guys relationship, because realisticly communication and honesty is the best thing in a relationship, and if shes getting mad because you dont have the drive to do stuff, then you need to talk to her

When you’re sick your sex drive goes down. Trust me, I’m a horn dog… when I get sick, I would have trouble getting it up if Anne Hathoway and Natalie Portman offered to gang up on me.

Just explain to her that your sex drive is going to come back, you’re just tired and recovering your energy still. Besides having sex is just going to slow down you getting back to full strength,.... I can’t imagine you’re much fun in bed when you’re sitting there dying.

And shouldn’t she be worried she might catch your plague?

If you have any self esteem you will dump her and move on with your life.

She is a selfish freak who has no regard for you feelings.

Why should you want to be in a relationship with a selfish person.

It doesn’t sound like she’s being that oversexual. I know the situation…for the past few months my boyfriend has been sick several times, and for weeks at a time. I’m never sick so I guess I just don’t understand how for a week straight, he doesn’t want me. It’s hard to not take it personally when it does have to do with YOU and YOUR SEX LIFE and your wants and needs.

Thank you for the replies, everyone. :)

If it is all the time, rather than occasionally and just during the period while you have been feeling unwell, it could be about insecurity. As @KatetheGreat suggested, some women feel they must have sex and be constantly and demonstrably desired by their partner to feel secure. Sounds like she is being very demanding though and if you haven’t, I think you need to be clear with her that you love her but especially when you are sick, your focus is on getting well and not on satisfying her sexual needs.

However, you said you don’t have a high sex drive? Is that all the time or just now? I wasn’t sure? If you don’t and she does and she is demanding, this problem isn’t going to go away. Either you need to find some compromise or you will have this battle constantly. It isn’t pleasant to want sex and be turned away but I imagine it is equally unpleasant to have constant pressure to perform when you just don’t feel the need or desire for sex.

@Mz_Lizzy My sex drive is generally a lot lower than other males but I do still have one. It has been even lower since being ill though. She has told me that she doesn’t feel connected to me without heavy kissing/sex which put even more pressure on me; which I think may also be scaring me away even more.

@Syger Just in general, if you’re much less interested in sex then her, it can put a lot of stress on the relationship, and so something should be done. It’s typically called a libido mis-match. A writer i really like, Greta Christina, has a really good article on things you can try. In general, if she wants more sex, it’s not necessarily an insecurity thing or something, but just has a higher libido. It’s also not very uncommon at all for the woman to have the higher libido in these cases, just to say.

Now, with your last post in mind, with ‘not being connected without sex’, that’s a little much, and points a lot more to possible insecurity on her part. That’s really, really tricky, though. I think the only real advice to offer is just talk about it, a lot. If it’s a constant problem with you not wanting as much sex, and her feeling insecure about it, then you’re going to have to talk it out and work out something, because that kind of issue could be really damaging. And not only because, as you said, it puts a lot of pressure on you, which doesn’t exactly help.

Oh, and for some background, my girlfriend also has a higher libido then I do, and it caused us a decent amount of trouble for a little while. Again, we got through it by finally talking it out thoroughly.

Hi @Syger. We are all different. There is no “one-size-fits-all” in terms of sex drive. I think what you have to decide is whether you two can come to an agreement about how to manage your difference though. Otherwise, it is very likely to lead to resentment from one or both sides. It is a difficult thing to manage and the person who is being told no, can feel rejected. While it may have nothing to do with your feelings for her, she may see your lack of desire for sex generally as a lack of desire for her. If you want to keep going with the relationship, perhaps think about getting some advice from a professional? Sounds drastic but it isn’t an easy thing to negotiate and better to find ways to deal with it before one or both of you builds resentment.

It sounds like your sex drives are incompatible. You can choose to live with it (keeping in mind that one if not both of you will remain unhappy), or you can move on.

I wish someone had told me this years ago.

It sounds like you have a difference in sex drive. Unless you want to live the rest of your life or at least your relationship having this tug of war, I would break up with her.

@marinelife is right.

I got here third, so she’s mine!

Wow. All my life I’ve been wishing I could have fallen in love with a woman who had a sex drive like mine. I’d have sex every day—maybe twice or three times on weekends—and she likes it about once every three weeks. Maybe twice a month if I’m lucky. And it’s not like I’m a bad lover or anything. She just isn’t interested.

Well, it caused some serious problems in our relationship. The most serious. It could well have driven me around the bend. All I can say is that I started exhibiting the symptoms of bipolar disorder pretty much at the same time as I got so desperate that I decided to go outside my marriage.

She clearly loves me very much because not only did she take me back, but she was responsible for getting me diagnosed and treated. I would have happily died rather that face the pain I had caused her.

Two or three years of therapy helped us understand each other better. We don’t have sex more than she wants to, and I take care of myself in between. It’s a solution, but not a happy one for me.

For me, sex really is about expressing the love we have. When I don’t get to do it, I stop feeling the love. It’s something that seems to glue us together—but it’s a kind of glue that grows weak very quickly and must be reapplied regularly.

Please, please, please do not become a withholder. If this is a problem you can’t fix, don’t punish her. Just break up as everyone else has said. She is not being unreasonable. She is probably like me. She enjoys and needs that kind of affection or she dries up.

At the very least, you have to talk about it and recognize that your libidos are different. Then you’ve got to negotiate a workable solution for both of you. If you can’t do that, the pressure will grow and grow and then it’ll explode into a really messy and painful situation.

You should try not to take this personally. Is an issue of different styles of expressing love. She probably finds you distant and cold, and is hurt by your refusals. It’s such a joy for her. She can’t imagine what is going on with you except that you have stopped loving her so much. She is probably in a great deal of pain. And it is a horrible horrible pain.

So please don’t let you guys hurt each other any more than you have. Talk about it. Then, either fix it, or find a way to let each other go

A basic incompatibility in sex drive can be a lifelong problem. I would end the relationship and look for someone who is more on the same page as you.

Tell her how you feel. If she doesn’t buy it, then she isn’t the one for you. Sex doesn’t make the entire relationship.

@pshizzle No – but it can ruin the entire relationship.

Is this a genuine complaint? If it is you need to find someone who is more in tune with your sexual needs and desires!

I think you should find someone who cares about “it” as much as you do. I know people out there will deny it, BUT sex is a pretty big deal and this will oly lead to issues down the line. Out of frustration mostly . . .

And it’s not fair to her.

@BhacSsylan Hot damn, that’s a great blog! Sex-positive and atheist, I’m so there. I was reading through some of her other articles and nodding along, thinking, “are you ME?”

On the other hand, I actually wasn’t crazy about her article on mis-matched libidos. Yes, those are all great things to try that would probably be really effective for some people. I’ve been the partner with the low libido more than once in the past and tried many of those methods, and it wasn’t effective for me. Once I got out of that relationship, it was like I magically re-discovered my sex drive. I didn’t have a libido problem, I just wasn’t attracted to my partner anymore. It’s so obvious in hindsight, but when you’re actually in the relationship it can be hard to see it.

So I guess my advice to @Syger is yes, definitely check out the article and try the steps in there. But also take a step back and look at the relationship with a critical eye. Do some soul-searching and take an objective look at your girlfriend and your desires.

@Haleth Awesome! I’m glad you like her, she’s an excellent writer.

To the issue at hand, though, i agree very much with @Haleth. I do suggest people read my article if you have the chance, breaking up is not the one and only option. However, if those don’t work/don’t appeal, it may be the best idea. Again, communication is absolutely important. But, sometimes it just really won’t work, and it’s best you do think about the relationship hard and decide if you think it’s worth it. It’s much better to determine that now and not in twenty to thirty years, as @wundayatta has shared.

Is it any good? If she wants it, I’d man up and give it to her =D.

I kid (not really). If this isn’t working out for you, tell her that. Maybe you just need to find someone who isn’t nearly as sexual.

Gadzooks, reducing it to the ridiculous the problem is she wants it way more than you. Normally most guys more the younger than the older would be in love with that situation, a woman that starts like a microwave and goes like the Energizer Bunny. You never have to ask or wonder how to get her in the mood because she is always ready at the drop of a hat.

The reason why she is that way can be as others have said, she figures that is the way to keep a man interested. Then it comes to how high on the Madison Avenue beauty scale, the higher up you are maybe the less you feel you have to use sex keep guys interested. Of which she hardly got any action in her past so when she did get a guy interest she milk it for all the sex she can get.

It could be because you both have little of shared interest outside the bedroom. That would be more telling and if not corrected spells the doom of your relationship quicker than spit.